


The Beginning

by melancholie



Series: There's Something About the Way You Are [2]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Teachers, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, University
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-05-02 03:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19190722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholie/pseuds/melancholie
Summary: After two separate, successful careers in other fields, Dr. Astankova and Dr. Polastri both finds themselves new psychology professors at Oxford University. The instant attraction is undeniable but the list of differences between them could go on for ages.((This is essentially the prelude to my other fic PSY 153: Psychology and the Law, but it could easily be read on its own.))





	1. Welcome to Academia

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome and welcome back to any of you who are here from the original story of these idiots. I'm very excited to delve back more into their history and hopefully that bodes well for completing this if the length of this chapter is anything to go by. Enjoy!

Eve sat on a hard bench outside the office of the dean of the psychology department at Oxford University. She was nervous and kept fiddling with the buttons on her suit jacket. It was her nicest pantsuit, she’d actually had the lady in the store help her pick it out and she had assured Eve that it was a good look for her and generally the proper size. She had encouraged Eve to get it properly fitted, but doing so was quite expensive and Eve hadn’t wanted to spend the money.

Part of her was starting to regret that, unsure of what the standards for an academic setting were. After spending almost eight years working with MI6, getting thrust into the uptight, no-nonsense world of academia was a bit of a shell-shock. Not that she was regretting it, not at all. It had been the right decision, she was sure of that.

The creak of the door caused her to look up and she heard the bright, cheery voice float through it before she saw its owner.

“Thank you so much, Carolyn. It was just wonderful meeting you. I can’t even tell you how excited I am to start here.”

Eve watched as a woman emerged from the office and Eve involuntarily sucked in her breath upon seeing her. This woman had definitely taken the expense of having her clothes professionally tailored. She was in a sleek black pantsuit, cut such that it perfectly accented every curve of her body. The pants were hemmed to just the right length for her perfectly shined black pumps, much higher than Eve would ever dare wear, even on a very fancy occasion. Eve glanced down at her own flats, suddenly very aware of how worn they were.

Her eyes flickered back to the woman. She was very tall, even before the heels, and it was intimidating but so attractive. She carried it off fantastically, with her pulled back shoulders and fantastic posture. Her silken blouse clung to her breasts and the neckline dipped a little too low for the professional setting, not that Eve would object. It drew her eyes longer than was appropriate and she yanked her gaze away, eyes tracing the lines of the woman’s body, across her shoulders, down her slender arms, noting the sharp folds of her suit cuffs and the delicate, expensive looking bracelet on her wrist.

She had a slender hand extended to the other woman, who Eve recognized as Caroline Martens, the dean of the psychology department and the woman who had hired her. Eve barely noticed the dean, though, her gaze transfixed on the woman’s face. It was almost eerily perfect; she had flawless skin and the kind of smooth, silky, blonde hair that clearly never had a strand out of place. There was something ever so slightly off about her smile, though, something that set off a small ping in the back of Eve’s mind. _Fake_ , it supplied. _Manipulative_.

And then it was gone. The smile was warm, the face was beautiful, the woman was gorgeous. Eve’s stomach flipped and she tore her gaze away; she really shouldn’t be caught staring. It was bad enough to walk into the dean’s office right after this woman, that was already quite the comparison, she really didn't need to be caught staring as well. Eve could only hope this was not a representative sample of the kind of people she’d soon be working with. Maybe she was some sort of sales rep, not a professor. That would be fantastic.

Eve jerked herself out of her thoughts as she realized the woman was walking towards her, the dean following behind her. Their eyes met and she smiled at Eve, warm, inviting, alluring. Eve felt like a deer caught in headlights; she had no idea what her face was doing.

“Ah,” Dr. Martens said, as the two women came to a stop in front of where Eve was sitting. “Dr. Astankova, this is Dr. Polastri, the department’s other new hire I was telling you about.”

“Oksana,” she supplied, extending her hand to Eve, “Pleasure.” Eve swallowed heavily. Oksana’s accent was Russian and something about it sent a shiver up Eve’s spine.

“Um, thanks,” Eve mumbled, cursing her sweaty palm and the greeting that made little sense. Oksana didn’t seem to notice though. Her stare was penetrating and as uncomfortable as Eve felt, she couldn’t look away.

It probably wasn’t actually that long, but it felt to Eve like several minutes ticked by before Dr. Martens cleared her throat and said, “Well, Dr. Polastri, shall we head into my office?”

Eve shook herself out of the sort of trance she was in and stuttered out an affirmatory response as she hastily grabbed her bag and got to her feet, almost bumping into Oksana as she did so. She reached out a hand to Eve’s elbow, steadying her, and the touch set Eve’s heart pounding in her chest.

“Good?” she asked, head cocked to the side, an eyebrow quirking upward.

“Yes, sorry,” Eve mumbled, carefully avoiding getting caught in her stare again. Oksana’s hand disappeared from Eve’s elbow and she was both relieved and disappointed by the loss of contact.

“Nice meeting you again, it’s good to know I’m starting with a friend.”

“Yes, it is good.”

Oksana nodded and turned towards the door, her heels clicking on the tile as she walked. Eve forced herself to not turn and look at her ass as she walked away. She sucked in a breath. That was quite the reaction, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d swooned that badly over a woman. But Oksana was...quite the woman.

“Dr. Polastri?” Dr. Martens’s slightly annoyed voice called Eve’s attention back.

“Yes,” she said quickly, hitching the strap of her bag over her shoulder and following Dr. Martens into her office.

———

Eve sat on a box in her new apartment, the lower half of her face buried in her hands, surveying the rest of the boxes stacked around the otherwise empty space. She had no furniture. There was a mix-up with the moving company and all of her furniture was still at her old apartment on the other side of London. They were supposedly going to be delivering it the next day but they’d been saying that for almost a week and Eve was too exhausted and overwhelmed to get into an in depth argument with them about it.

She needed a drink. She definitely needed a drink.

She got to her feet and began searching for her purse and phone in the pile of things she had dumped by the door. She briefly considered changing into something other than the business clothes she’d worn to campus earlier that day, but it wasn’t like she was trying to go out for a night of partying. She just needed a drink.

Eve wasn’t familiar enough with that particular part of London to know any good places, but her GPS found her a bar relatively close to her apartment building, It was close enough to walk to and she made her way there. She found a somewhat secluded seat at the edge of the bar, ordered a whiskey, and then rested her head on her hand with a sigh. She let her eyes close for a moment, finding it relaxing to have the sound of music and idle chatter fill her head and chase away her thoughts. Then a single clear voice broke through the white noise. An all too familiar voice.

“Well, hi there.” Eve’s eyes snapped open.

It was the woman from the dean’s office earlier that day. Oksana. Of course. Naturally, _she_ had changed, not that she would have needed to in order to look incredible. Tight black pants, slinky silver top. And there was Eve in the same clothes Oksana had seen her in earlier, just wrinkled.

“Do you mind if I sit?” Oksana asked, gesturing to the empty chair next to Eve. “Or are you meeting someone?”

“No, I...just came for a drink.”

“Ah. Well, if you want to be alone, I won’t interrupt.”

Eve had wanted to be alone when she’d originally came to the bar and Oksana’s presence did make her tense, but despite that she couldn’t bring herself to send her away.

“No, that’s fine.” Oksana smiled brightly and slid into the seat. Eve tried to adjust her posture into something more dignified, noting the way Oksana held her shoulders back, her neck straight, her chin up.

She ordered a vodka tonic, easily capturing the bartender's attention, and then clasped her hands together on the bar and turned to look at Eve. “I’m delighted that I’m running into you here. Crazy, though. Small world isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” Eve mumbled. Oksana’s smile faltered for a moment and Eve suddenly realized that she wasn’t really giving the impression of someone who was particularly interested in having a conversation, so she hastily added, “It’s good though. Like you said, to have someone doing the same thing as you.” Oksana had used the word “friend” and that had seemed fine when she said it, but it somehow felt too intimate for Eve to say.

Oksana’s nodded, seeming content with Eve’s attempt at a social gesture. Her drink arrived and she took a sip, then looked back over at Eve. Her head tipped to the side and a quizzical expression passed over her face.

“Are you okay? You seem...stressed? Or nervous?”

That penetrating look from earlier was back and Eve found herself locked into Oksana’s gaze with the truth bubbling to the surface against her will. “You intimidate me a little bit.”

To her surprise, Oksana blushed and looked away. Her fingers traced the rim of her glass and she actually seemed a little nervous herself. “I’m sorry. It’s my accent. The Russian makes people uneasy.”

“It’s not just that.”

“Oh,” Oksana sounded surprised, “What is it then?” she looked back at Eve, seeming genuinely curious. It was a softer expression that still pulled Eve in in its own way, but less forcefully, easier to break.

“You’re tall...You look...You seem...I don’t know. Nevermind.” Eve looked away as she spoke, trying to hide the blush that she knew was growing on her cheeks.

“No, really, what do you mean?” Oksana’s voice was earnest and Eve felt Oksana’s hand settle on top of hers as she spoke. Her heart sped up in her chest.

Eve continued to avert her gaze, sure that if she looked at Oksana she would spill more than she cared to. “It’s really nothing.” When Oksana didn’t respond right away, she dared a glance back over at her. She contemplating Eve, clearly deciding if she wanted to argue further, and ultimately seemed to decide against it.

“Okay,” she shrugged. She pulled her hand from Eve’s and picked her drink back up. Eve’s hand twitched as Oksana’s fingers left hers. “Are you looking forward to classes starting next week?” she asked taking a sip of her drink.

Eve turned back toward the bar, grabbing her own glass and taking a large sip, hoping the alcohol would calm her nerves. “Yes. Well, I suppose so. This is actually my first time teaching, so I don’t really know what to expect. But I guess I’m looking forward to it.”

“Oh really? I’m new to teaching myself. What did you do before?”

“I...worked for MI6.”

Oksana raised her eyebrows. “Really.” It wasn’t a question, just a confirmatory statement. It was clear that there was a lot going on in her head in response to the information Eve had just provided, but she didn’t voice any of it. Several seconds passed between them without a word, just the music and voices in the background.

Eve cleared her throat. “Anyway. What did you do before if you weren’t teaching?”

“Worked with a law firm, helped with jury selection, that kind of thing.”

Eve nodded. She’d known people who had done that kind of work, they’d even had some at the public defender's office, but she got the feeling Oksana was at a different level - and different side - than anyone Eve had ever personally worked with. She’d referenced it very casually, but she was clearly highly intelligent - Oxford had hired her after all - and based on the way she dressed had likely been working somewhere that handed out some very impressive paychecks. Which led Eve to question, somewhere in the back of her mind, exactly what kind of cases Oksana had been involved in. She pushed the thought away rather quickly; it wasn’t a conversation she was interested in having that night and Oksana didn’t particularly seem to want to discuss it either.

“What do you think of Dr. Martens?” Eve asked, flagging the bartender down for a refill.

“Dr. Martens?” Oksana asked. “Oh, you mean Carolyn. I really like her. She’s bad-ass, no-nonsense. Really respected, too. She’s written some incredible papers.”

“You call her Carolyn?”

“What?”

“Dr. Martens, you call her by her first name?”

“Yeah? She told me to. You don’t?”

“She didn’t tell me to,” Eve said, feeling a little uncomfortable. “Do you know her well?”

Oksana shrugged. “No, not particularly. I only met her one other time, when she interviewed me for the position.”

“Oh.” It didn’t take a genius to tell that Oksana was far more socially savvy than Eve, but the fact that Dr. Martens was clearly so much more comfortable with her than Eve that she would ask only Oksana to call her by her first name was a pretty stark contrast. Not that Eve could blame her, it was easy to sink into Oksana’s presence. Comfortable maybe wasn’t quite the right word, but alluring, enticing. Something like that.

Oksana seemed to noticed the expression on Eve’s face. “I don’t think it means anything, she probably just forgot to tell you to.”

“Yeah,” Eve said, not really believing herself.

Eve’s refill arrived and Oksana clinked their glasses together before downing the last of her own drink. “Finish that quick and then I’m going to make you try something wacky.” She did a little wiggle in her seat to demonstrate the concept and Eve couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” she said, taking a large sip of her whiskey all the same.

Oksana leaned in and whispered in her ear. “I promise you’ll like it.”

A shiver ran up Eve’s spine.

——--

Over the next couple hours, Oksana had Eve try several strange drink combinations that she had never heard of and never would have considered even if she had. Just as Oksana had promised, though, she did very much like them.

They talked, about life and interests and stupid stories. Oksana had a lot of stupid stories and she was great at telling them. She was expansive when she spoke, flinging her arms out and spinning in her chair and throwing her head down on the bar counter for dramatic flair as she told her stories, and the more she drank the more flair she found.

When she got excited about something she was saying she’d grab Eve’s hand and squeeze it or shake it up and down in time to her bouncing in her seat. And Eve’s heart would race until she let it go, and for a good while after. She had an enchanting smile - and a very attractive body - which served her well in her constant insistence that the bartender comply with her bizarre off-menu requests, something he probably would not have been willing to do for someone else.

And that smile and body and loud laugh and voice attracted plenty of attention, more than just Eve’s. People would stop by, mostly men, but also the occasional woman, and lean in with some sort of flirtatious comment or request to buy her a drink. Much to Eve’s amazement, Oksana waved them all away, with some version of “I’m enjoying time with a friend, thank you very much.” Granted, her gaze lingered a little longer on the women and she exchanged a few more lines of banter with them, but even so she eventually nodded to Eve and sent them away.

Eve felt weird about the word “friend”. Partly because the idea of being friends with someone she had just met that day felt a little much to her. But also, if she was honest with herself, it was because she wasn’t sure that her ideal relationship with Oksana would be “friendship”.

Oksana grinned at her after waving away a third woman. “Tell me. Did you think she was hot? Or do you even go that way? I have a feeling but I suppose I could be wrong.”

Eve blushed bright red, which was probably an answer. She actually hadn’t really noticed the girl well enough to form an opinion. She’d been looking at Oksana. “I...She was fine.”

“And you’re…?”

“Bisexual.” Eve tried to avoid looking at Oksana, certain her cheeks were reddening further, but she wanted to see Oksana's reaction, so she gave in and looked over. Oksana was grinning into her glass.

“I was right.”

Eve snorted and took a desperate swig of whatever the last drink Oksana had ordered for her was. “Good for you.”

“Thank you.” Oksana sounded very pleased with herself.

Neither of them said anything else as Eve wrestled with not letting her next words spill out of her mouth. They did anyways. “You’re hot,” she said.

“What?” Oksana said. She clearly hadn’t been expecting that.

There was no going back now, so Eve plowed on through. “Earlier, you asked why you’re intimidating. Other than the Russian and the height. You’re hot. You dress and you act hot and you just are hot. And it’s intimidating. You must know that.”

Oksana didn’t say anything, so finally after several moments without a response, Eve dared to look at her. Oksana was staring at her, looking somewhat shocked, but with a huge smile on her face. “Thank you,” she said, her eyes lighting up when she saw Eve looking at her. Eve groaned and buried her face in her hands. Oksana tugged at her fingers and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Don’t be embarrassed, Eve. I think you’re really hot, too.”

That just made Eve more embarrassed, but it also made her stomach do huge summersaults. Oksana kept tugging at her fingers until Eve finally looked at her. She groaned again and grabbed her drink for another large sip. Oksana laughed, sounding utterly delighted.  

They didn’t say much else over the next few minutes, simply sat next to each other sipping their drinks, staring straight ahead, and pretending to ignore the way their arms brushed up against each other in the middle of the bar counter.

Suddenly Oksana shouted out, “I love this song!”

“What?” Eve asked. Oksana's sudden outburst had startled her.

Oksana was on her feet and dragging Eve away from the bar by her wrist towards one of the mostly empty tables at the center of the room. “Eve, we’re going to dance. Do you know this song? I’m going to teach you the words, it’s really only one line, I’m making you sing.”

Eve laughed, enjoying Oksana’s grip on her wrist. “What are you talking about? There’s no dance floor here.”

Oksana spun around to face her, grinning, fire in her eyes. “On the table, Eve! Classic!” And with that Oksana scrambled up onto it, lifted her arms into the air and began circling her hips around.

Eve groaned, “Oh my god. You’re really drunk.”

Oksana dropped back down to a squat so she was eye-level with Eve. “I’m actually not very drunk at all. I would do this completely sober.”

Eve raised her eyebrows at her. “I would not do that completely sober. And I am pretty drunk. You gave me some pretty strong stuff.”

Oksana laughed and pulled on Eve’s hand. “Well, that’s good, then, that means you’ll get up here with me.”

Eve groaned halfheartedly but she let Oksana pull her up onto the table. Despite the alcohol, nervousness still had a hold on Eve’s brain and she felt frozen at first, entirely unsure of what to do. But Oksana was completely relaxed as she lifted Eve’s hands up and dropped them on her shoulders. She placed her own hands on Eve’s waist and began swaying them from side to side, roughly in time to the music.

Oksana’s lips were at her ear and ear and the was singing along as they danced, her Russian accent slipping unevenly over some of the words. _“There’s something about the way you are that makes me…”_

Eve had to admit, it was fitting.

They were standing incredibly close together and Eve was all too aware of Oksana’s hands on her hips and the feel of Oksana's shoulders under own hands. Oksana’s hair fell down around her face, framing it beautifully and the strands tickled Eve’s hands.

The background noise had faded away and Eve was entirely caught up in the way Oksana was looking at her; she had that captivating stare that just kept sucking Eve in every time she dared look into her eyes for longer than a second.

_“...the way you are…”_

A voice broke through Eve’s daze. The bartender was standing at the side of the table talking to them, “That’s enough ladies. We’re about to close anyway.”

Oksana giggled and her hands dropped from Eve’s waist. Reality suddenly crashed down around Eve and she was very aware of where she was, what she was doing, and all the people around. Embarrassment clenched tight in her stomach and she scrambled off the table.

Oksana walked out of the bar with her and bumped their shoulders together once they got outside. “Where do you live? Do you need a cab?”

Eve shook her head. “I’m just a few blocks that way.” Eve pointed in the direction of her apartment.

“Good, I’m close too.”

Neither of them made a move to leave, they just continued to stand in front of each other off to the side of the entrance to the bar. Seconds ticked by in silence.

“Well,” Oksana eventually said, “I guess I’ll see you around campus.”

“I guess so.”

Oksana was biting her lip and she reached out to tuck a piece of Eve’s hair behind her ear. “I had fun tonight, thank you.”

“I did too.” Eve meant it. It was the most fun she’d had in a while.

A couple more seconds passed before Oksana nodded, shoved her hands in her pockets, and turned to walk down the street in the opposite direction of Eve’s apartment. Eve watched her for a moment before heading home herself.


	2. Coffee and Drinks

Eve hadn’t seen Oksana in the two weeks that had passed since their night at the bar. It was probably for the best; classes had started in a flurry and Eve found herself more overwhelmed than ever. She desperately needed to focus and not find herself distracted by thoughts of the enchanting woman who was certain to somewhere in Eve’s same building, if she looked hard enough. 

And it worked. Eve only found her head jerking to the side every time she saw blonde hair for the first couple days of classes. After that, she began to relax and assume that she and Oksana were on different schedules. If Oksana wasn’t going to seek her out, Eve certainly wasn’t going to go looking for her. She didn’t have any reason to. It wasn’t like they’d made any plans to see each other again, other than the vague “see you around campus”.

Oksana had said she’d had fun, but she could have just been being nice. The whole night was probably just her being nice. Any spark Eve thought she had felt between them was certainly just in her head. Oksana was clearly the type of person who exuded a certain flirtatious charm in all of her day to day interactions. Eve was no one special and Eve could accept that. Mostly. She’d just met the woman after all, it wasn’t like she was in love with her.

On the Friday morning at the end of the first week of classes, Eve was getting coffee at the little cart outside of the main psychology building. Normally she just got an easy cup of whatever they had on hand and a bit of cream, but it had been a long week so she sprung for some espresso and steamed milk and was fiddling on her phone while she waited for it to be made when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“Hey there!” 

That voice. She’d already recognize it anywhere, not that that was all that significant or anything given that Russian accent. She turned around to see Oksana standing behind her, her loose hair dancing around her face in the slight breeze. She looked as elegant as ever, once again in a nicely tailored suit, more fitted this time, a classy gray with thin pinstripes and three quarter length sleeves that showed off her slim wrists. 

“Hey.” Eve paused, unsure what else to say. “Aren’t you cold? You don’t have a coat.” Fall had started to set in over the past few weeks and Eve tugged her own coat around her.

Oksana shrugged and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Not really. I just ran down from my office to grab a coffee, didn’t want to bother putting it on.”

Eve nodded, at a loss for words again. She really was a stimulating conversationalist. Her eyes kept slipping down to follow the lines of Oksana’s suit, the way they dipped in at her waist and hugged her thighs. She quickly glanced away, hoping Oksana hadn’t noticed. If she had, she was at least polite enough to pretend otherwise.

The man at the cart called out, “Miss, I have your coffee.” As much as Eve had wanted a chance to see Oksana again - no matter how much she might deny it - she was somewhat grateful to have the awkwardness on her part abated. She turned to grab the coffee and pull some change out of her wallet. Oksana put a hand over hers, stopping her from handing over the money.

“Let me,” To the man she said, “Can you make me another of whatever she got?” Flustered, Eve muttered some sort of argument but Oksana just shook her head and wrapped Eve’s fingers around her bills and shoved her hand back in her pocket. “I insist.”

Eve gave up the argument, it didn’t cost very much anyway and part of her hoped that it might give her a chance to pay Oksana back at a later date. “Thank you,” she said, doing her best to smile like a normal person.

Oksana did a much better job at looking like she was actually enjoying the moment. “Like I said, my pleasure.” She paused for a moment, looking like she was trying to decide whether or not to say something else. Then she bumped her hip against Eve’s with a grin and said, “It’s good to see you again, I kind of thought you’d disappeared.”

“I…” Eve stared down at the coffee in her hands, unable to handle Oksana’s focused gaze, “Actually, I kind of wondered the same thing. I guess it’s a big campus after all.” She dared a glance at Oksana and the woman genuinely looked happy to be seeing her. 

“It would seem so.” Oksana took her coffee, overpaid the man, and told him to keep the change. “Well,” she said, studying Eve, “I presume with both have responsibilities to attend to.”

“That’s probably true,” Eve said. She did, as much as she wished otherwise.

“I do hope to see you around, I mean it.”

“That’d be good.” She sounded so awkward. 

Oksana smiled, briefly rested a hand lightly on Eve’s wrist, then headed back into the building.

Eve sighed and looked up at the sky. She realized after a moment that the man at the coffee cart was giving her a knowing look and she groaned and hurried away into the building herself.

———

It was later that same day, in the middle of her last afternoon lecture, when Eve suddenly noticed the familiar figure sitting in the back of her class. She immediately stuttered to a halt in the middle of her sentence. Noticing where she was looking, Oksana grinned and waved. “Keep talking,” she mouthed. 

Eve’s eyes trailed back down to her lecture notes, searching for her place. “Right, as I was saying  _ voire dire _ is a pretrial process in which lawyers from both sides are allowed to ask questions of the jurors in an attempt to eliminate anyone who might be biased.” She glanced back up at Oksana. She had a strange grin on her face, and her fingers were tapping a rapid line on the desk. Eve quickly looked back down at her notes. “A process known as scientific jury selection is often used to help select the type of jurors who would be most easily persuaded to a particular side. Larger law offices in big cases are most well-known for doing this and often hire psychologists trained in this area to help with those evaluations.”

It suddenly dawned on Eve that Oksana had told her she had previously worked as exactly that kind of psychologist. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable and could feel Oksana’s eyes on her. She’d had something else to add but it was lost in her head and she finally gave up and met Oksana’s gaze. She raised her eyebrows when Eve looked at her and for a second it seemed like her gaze was cold, almost critical even. Then she relaxed, feigned a silent laugh, and gestured for Eve to continue. Eve did, but she cut out a few things and moved onto the next topic as quickly as possible. 

At the end of the class, Oksana hung in the back of the classroom leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest, watching Eve with a bemused expression that suggested she had a lot to say to Eve - or mock her for. Eve made a show of slowly packing up her things and once the last of the students had trickled out, Oksana came to join her at the front of the class.

“So, you’re talking about me.”

Eve flushed. “I’m not talking about you, I’m teaching my class,” she said, unnecessarily rearranging her bag, “I actually forgot that was your line of work.”

“I’m joking, Eve. I heard you were teaching the law and psych class. I was jealous, I’d told Carolyn I wanted that class, but she said she’d already handed it off. I might get it next term.”

That surprised Eve. “Really? You wanted this class?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“I just would have thought Dr. Martens would have given it to you if you did.”

“See, she does like you. And if you worked for MI6 I’m sure you have plenty to talk about.”

“It would seem you do, too.”

Oksana’s face twitched and she side-stepped the conversation. “Well, they wouldn’t hire us if we didn’t have experience.”

“Right.” There was a slightly tense silence between the two of them. Oksana was the first to break it.

“Well, that’s why I came to watch your class. I’d wanted to come by anyways, I was already curious how you lectured, but once I knew what you were teaching I was especially interested. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. You're a good lecturer.”

Oksana was fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist; she was actually the one who looked uncomfortable. “It’s totally fine, I was just surprised to see you.” That seemed to relieve, Oksana, who let go of the bracelet and smiled at Eve, swagger and confidence returning.

“Good. Anyway, I also came by because I wanted to ask if you’d like to grab a drink tonight. Celebrate the end of the first week and all that. And we had fun last time, didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did.”

“So? You’ll come out?” 

“Sure.” Eve did her best to sound calm and relaxed but in reality her heart was racing. 

It was entirely unclear from Oksana’s demeanor and the way she had phrased the question what exactly she meant by “grab a drink”. Eve was still unsure what Oksana was even looking for. She had called Eve hot that night at the bar, but only after Eve had said the same to her, and she’d spent the rest of the evening calling them friends. She was friendly. That was clear. Eve shouldn’t assume it was anything more than that. They were both new to the university and they could probably both use new - platonic - relationships. Eve was fine with that. 

“Great!” Oksana chirped, then she paused, suddenly much calmer, and the way she looked at Eve was almost soft. She reached out and brushed at a loose strand of hair that had slipped out of Eve’s ponytail. “You know, you should really wear your hair down. I think it would look nice. Do that tonight.”

“I...okay.” Eve stuttered, caught off guard by the contact and sudden change in Oksana. Then, just as quickly, she was wild and vibrant again, clasping her hands together and spinning. 

“Fantastic, it’ll be fun! Do you have somewhere in mind?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Give me your number, I’ll text you, we’ll figure something out.” Eve dug a piece of paper out of her bag, scribbled the number down and handed it over to Oksana. She glanced it over before shoving it in her pocket. “Wonderful!” She patted Eve’s cheek and practically skipped from the room, leaving a dazed Eve to stare after her.

———

Eve tried to dress up for the bar. She put on a pair of jeans she knew she looked really good in and changed her shirt three or four times. Eventually, she just said “fuck it” and settled on a silky red blouse and a nice pair of heels that she never wore. She wore her hair down. 

If Oksana’s reaction was anything to go by, Eve had chosen the right outfit. “You like nice,” she told her, as she grabbed her hand and pulled her from the mass of people at the door towards a booth in the corner. “You should dress up more.”

They must have made quite a pair because Oksana happened to be wearing red herself - bright red shorts in her case and a high necked white top. She’d gone an extra step, though, and donned blood red lipstick to match, something Eve would never have dreamed of doing. It looked incredible on Oksana, adding to her already intimidating style, not that that was a bad thing. 

“You wore your hair down.” 

“Yeah.” Eve stared at her feet and shifted from one to the other.

“I told you it’d look nice.” Before Eve knew what was happening, Oksana’s hands were in her hair, running through it, and sweeping it off to the side. “There, now you look perfect.” 

Eve stumbled over the first syllable or two but eventually managed a “thank you”.

“I should be thanking you for the gorgeous company.” Fortunately, Eve was saved from having to respond to that because Oksana nudged her into the booth and said, “Hold down this table, I’ll get us drinks. What do you want?”

“Uh...whiskey sour?”

“Sure thing!” Oksana disappeared into the crowd and Eve rubbed at her temples. 

She returned surprisingly quickly - no doubt having charmed the bartender once again - and slid into her side of the booth, crossed her legs under her, and grabbed some peanuts from the bowl on the table. “So tell me how your first week has been.” 

“Oh, you know, craziness,” Eve said reaching for her drink. 

“I know. I remembered that I don’t really like kids. I mean, I know they're not technically kids, but...kids.”

Eve laughed. “It’s a little late for that realization.”

“Just a bit. I’m not regretting anything, though, I like it here. It’s pretty. And the people are fun. Some of them.” She shot Eve a look. Eve hid her reaction with the rim of her glass.

“Are you going to make me dance on a table again tonight?”

“No, I think we can have a more relaxed evening. Unless you want to?” Okasana waggled her eyebrows. 

“I think I’m good.”

“You enjoyed that, don’t lie.”

“Fine. I did.”

“You don’t seem like the type of person who gets wild much. You should. It helps you relax.”

“Maybe  _ you _ find it relaxing.”

“You don’t?”

“No, not really.”

“Why?” Oksana looked genuinely confused and Eve wasn’t entirely sure how to explain.

“I don’t know...people stare. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. We were up there and then I suddenly realized how ridiculous it was.”

“But it was fun. You said you had fun. So who cares if people look. Let them.”

“You like the attention,” Eve said. That probably should have been abundantly clear a while ago, but somehow it only fully sank it Eve at that moment.

Oksana shrugged, “Sure. There’s nothing wrong with liking attention, Eve.”

“Most people don’t.”

“Mmm, no, most people just don’t like to admit that they like attention.”

She wasn’t wrong. “Maybe, if it’s positive. People don’t like being judged.”

Oksana smirked. “Some people like any kind of attention.”

“And are you one of those people?”

Oksana gave a noncommittal shrug, but her smile was an obvious answer. “Who can say, Eve, who can say. Besides,” she said, leaning across the table to look Eve in the eye, “no one was judging us the other night. Two hot ladies dancing together on a table? People like that.” She winked at Eve and downed the last of her drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the moment I think I'm going to be able to keep up with chapter length/daily postings especially since as of today I'm on leave from school for two weeks but feel free to motivate/yell at me here or on tumblr (thesilverstaganddoe) if I get lazy or you know if you just feel like yelling.


	3. Habits

The drinks became a habit, at least once a week, sometimes several times a week. They were always fun, a different bar each week. Oksana always had something to suggest. She’d asked Eve a few times, but Eve had just made her suggestions based on what results she pulled up on her phone, so Oksana had returned to picking. She’d yet to disappoint. 

It wasn’t that Eve looked forward to the nights out, per se, but they were always a welcome relief from her busy weeks at school. In spite of her remarkable ability to make Eve flustered at any given moment, Oksana was also charming and a delight to be around. She could easily make Eve laugh even when she was the most stressed and on more than one occasion Eve had come out at her insistence, despite a foul or tired mood, and ended up truly jovial by the end of the evening.

Eve was charmed. But Oksana was a charmer, it was what she did, and Eve had to remind herself of that. It wasn’t anything special.

It was getting dark and Eve was heading out toward the staff parking lot when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped and nearly took a swing at the owner before realizing it was Oksana.

“You scared me nearly half to death, Oksana!”

“You should pay better attention, it’s not like I’m particularly quiet. And why are you so jumpy?”

“Because I have people like you sneaking up behind me.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Right.” Eve said sarcastically.

“Unless you asked me to.”

“Is that supposed to be a dirty joke?”

Oksana grinned. “Yes.” 

“Couldn’t resist, could you?”

“You gave me such a good opening.”

“You have a twisted, dirty mind.”

“If you’re already saying with what little you’ve seen of me, then you’re in for a big shock if we keep hanging around each other.” Eve rolled her eyes and Oksana looped her arm through Eve’s to walk beside her. “So, are you headed home? Or do you want to go out? I was going to text you, but then I saw you.”

“I’d like that. I should get something to eat first, though.”

“Let’s do that! I’m starving. Do you have somewhere in mind?”

“Not particularly, I’m guessing you have a suggestion?” 

“Definitely!” Oksana’s eyes sparkled and pulled away from Eve to slip between two cards and head toward the other side of the parking lot. “Come on,” she called over her shoulder, “ride with me.” 

Eve followed her, but halted as soon as she what Oksana was leaning against.

“You seriously drive a motorcycle? You say the kids here drive you crazy, but I swear you act like a university student sometimes.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “There’s a huge difference between liking twenty-somethings and liking acting like a twenty-something.”

“I am not getting on the back of that thing.”

“There’s rush hour traffic, it’ll be quicker. Come on, if we get there soon we’ll make happy hour!”

“No way.”

“Eve…” Oksana whined, coming up to her with her best pouty look splattered all over her face. “Pretty please? It’ll be fun. You know I’m fun. I won’t let you get hurt, promise. Look, I even have an extra helmet!” She pulled it out and offered it to Eve with her impossible to refuse smile.

“Fine. Just this once. Be careful.”

“Ha! We’re going to go fast. Do you know the top speed that-”

“No.”

“But-”

“No. I just want to get to dinner in one piece.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “Fine. Someday. We’ll go out of the city on the open roads and I’ll show you. You know, you should go to Tuscany someday, ride a motorcycle through the hills there. It’s beautiful.”

“Oksana, when would I ever get the chance to do such a thing?”

“I’ve done it. Twice. Actually three times, maybe, I can’t remember. It’s great fun though, highly recommend.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Oksana grinned. “It’s party of why I’m so great. Now get on.”

—————-

“The bread is really good here, have some.” Oksana pushed the basket towards Eve and she grabbed a roll and started tearing small pieces off of it one at a time. “This was a good idea, I was getting tired of eating peanuts and cherries half the nights of the week.”

“This is a really nice place,” Eve said looking around at the decor and well dressed couple leaning over candles to talk to each other. It wasn’t the kind of place Eve had ever really frequented herself and she felt quite underdressed for it, but Oksana wasn’t really even up to the standards either and she seemed perfectly at home. 

“It is, they have really good food. I like the pasta. Though I guess we’ve already eaten a lot of bread so maybe not,” Oksana was finishing her third roll, “I feel like steak. Ooh, we could get both and split it, do you want to? I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll eat anything.”

“Uh, sure.” 

It was dawning on Eve that the bars they’d been in previously had provided at lot more sound cover compared to the restaurant that was filled with nothing more than violin music and quiet voices. Oksana really had chosen a fairly extravagant place for what Eve had assumed was nothing more than a quick bite to eat. But, then, that was Oksana.

In the loud bars, Eve had been able to pretend she hadn’t heard Oksana when she needed more time to come up with a response, a tactic that she had used on more than one occasion. Without that shelter and Eve found herself stumbling over her words more than ever. Oksana just wouldn’t stop  _ looking _ at her. 

“Eve?”

Eve blinked. She’d been staring at Oksana’s mouth without actually hearing the words coming out of it. 

“Yes, sorry, what?”

Oksana laughed. “I asked if you wanted to share a bottle of wine.” Eve looked away from her to discover that a waiter had arrived at their table and was looking at her expectantly. 

“That sounds great.” 

She really needed to pull herself together.

For the most part, though, Eve kept up with Oksana throughout dinner, listening to her light hearted chatter and amusing anecdotes and doing her best to make her own intelligent additions. They ended up in a long debate about the problems and relative merits of their somewhat conflicting graduate school research projects, during which Oksana jabbed a fork in Eve’s direction, emphasizing some particularly important point, and consequently flung a piece of pasta at a passing waiter. He gave her the most disdainful of looks and she simply shrugged at him before bursting into the kind of laughter that earned her much the same look from all the surrounding tables.

It was late and the restaurant was starting to clear by the time they hit any real lull in conversation; dessert was apparently being the only thing that could give Oksana real pause. Maybe it was the soft lighting and soothing music or maybe it was the wine, not that she’d had nearly enough to make such an excuse, but Eve suddenly felt the need to deal with an issue that had been stewing in the back of her mind since the first day they’d met.

“Okay, I need to ask you something and I know I might not like the answer, but it’s been almost two months and we can’t just keep avoiding the topic. 

"Alright," Oksana said slowly, setting down her fork and giving Eve her full attention.

"You clearly used to work for a defense firm, right? And probably defended some not-so-great people, I assume? And I was at MI6 so basically we were kind of on opposite sides back then. Which is why we haven’t really had this conversation. It’s slightly awkward.”

Oksana pressed her lips together and gazed off to the side. It took her awhile to respond. “Yes. I worked for DLA Twelve.”

“Oh.” 

Eve knew that law firm. She knew it’s reputation, knew what kind of cases they handled, the kind of people they’d gotten off. They had originally been multiple big-name law firms, each headed up by several big shot lawyers, that ultimately merged together. They were huge, international, and they handled everything from criminal cases to civil suits to corporate litigations. Everyone knew them. When Eve had worked for MI6, she’d occasionally had to give expert testimony in court. It was rarely a big deal, but the one time it had been an ordeal was when she was pinned down on the witness stand by one of their lawyers. They’d lost the case; that tended to happen when they faced the DLA Twelve - people got away with things.

“Do you hate me now?” On the surface, Oksana’s smile was light-hearted and a bit cheeky, but Eve could tell there was genuine concern underlying the question.

“Well, this could certainly would make things tense if we were working our past jobs. But no, of course not. I mean, it’s not like there’s anything really horrible that you were responsible for getting swept under the rug, right?” Eve voiced it rhetorically, but she really did want an answer.

“No. Like you said, obviously there were less than great people who did less than great things, that’s the business, but it wasn’t stuff from nightmares. And even on the worst of them, my work was a very small share of what went down in those cases.”

“They must have thought you were valuable, they clearly paid you well enough.”

“You have to understand, Eve, half the time they were just paying me to show up and look pretty. Be a distraction, you know.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re joking.”

“Mostly. But not entirely. We had plans like that,  _ Oksana will distract juror number three during the testimony by wearing a low cut top. _ ”

“That cannot have been the majority of your work.”

“Okay, that may have only been once. But still, you get my point. It was mostly stupid. They paid me too much, not that I ever objected.”

“Is that why you left? It was stupid, you got bored?”

“Something like that. I just...needed something to change.”

“I get that. I really get that.”


	4. Missed Connections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit Mature. Just a heads up.

Come Monday morning, Eve was plowing through some tedious grade changes when the door to her office flew open and a slightly frazzled looking Oksana landed in the chair beside her desk.

“Eve. Can I talk to you? It’s about a sex thing.”

“Um,” Eve was still processing Oksana’s sudden arrival when she was presented with the question. “Sure?”

“So I went to the lesbian bar in SoHo last night, you know the one.”

“I don’t actually.”

Oksana continued on as if Eve hadn’t spoken. “And I took this girl home, of course, because that was the point, you know.” Eve stared at Oksana; she was already having trouble keeping up. It was way too early and Oksana was talking way too fast for such a conversation. And the topic absolutely warping Eve’s mind. “And so we slept together, obviously. And she ended up sleeping over which I wouldn’t normally want but she passed out and I didn’t feel like waking her up so whatever, who cares. But then I wake up this morning and she’s freaking staring at me. She was watching me sleep. And then as soon as I wake up and look at her she starts sobbing hysterically.”

Oksana paused and it took Eve several moments to grasp that her expectant look indicated she was looking for some sort of response.

“Okay...that’s not good.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “Yeah, duh. So I was like, ‘Uh did your arm fall asleep? Because if it hurts you should just massage it.’”

“What?” Eve asked, completely bewildered.

Oksana rattled on, “And she did stop crying for a second and just stared at me like I had two heads. But then she started crying even harder and telling me how her husband didn’t really love her and he was probably having an affair so she’d gone out to find a woman because she was mad at him and wanted to make him angry and jealous or something and also thought that if she could tell him a sexy lesbian story then maybe he’d be attracted to her again, I guess. But then apparently she realized last night that she’d never had an orgasm before in her life, which how is that even possible you can do it yourself, because apparently, according to her, he didn’t care about her needs and would never even consider going down on her. So she told me that I’d changed her life. Apparently. And then she couldn’t talk anymore and just kept crying.”

Eve’s head was spinning.

“What did you do?”

“I patted her on the head and told her it was nothing special, all men are stupid.”

Eve burst into laughter. “You did  _ what _ ?”

“I patted her on the head,” Oksansa said, as if was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Like a dog?”

“I suppose. That should be comforting right?”

“I...you...I don’t even know what to say. And you told her all men are stupid.”

“I just wanted her to stop crying in my bed! And men are all stupid. Most people are stupid.”

“Some people like them.”

“Yes, I know that, that’s fine. I’ve tried them a couple times, I suppose they’re not entirely terrible. I just can’t imagine marrying one. How do you even have a conversation with them?”

“I married a man. We had conversations.”

“Yes and you also divorced him.”

“Well, would you marry a woman?”

Oksana glanced off to her side, seeming to consider her response. “I’m...not really a relationship person.”

“So, no.”

“No, I don’t think I would.”

There was a minute or so of slightly uncomfortable silence where neither of them looked at the other.

“Was the sex at least good?” Eve clamped her mouth shut as soon as she said it. The question had been dancing around in her head as Oksana had talked but she really hadn’t intended to actually let it slip out. Oksana seemed more than happy to answer, though.

“It was for her. I made her come three times.” She grinned, looking very pleased with herself. “But she didn’t really seem to know what she was doing. Or she was already on the verge of crying and too distracted, I don’t know. I had to finish myself off. Really the whole thing was a let down, I’m going to have to go back out tonight.” 

Eve gulped. That was way more information than she had expected and she didn’t want to think about any of it. Oksana going down on the other woman, doing such a good job that she came multiple times. The other woman pleasuring Oksana, or at least trying to. Oksana, sexually frustrated and resorting to putting her fingers between her own legs. Oksana moaning and bucking her hips. 

Eve squeezed her eyes closed and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

“For God’s sake, Oksana.”

“Too much?”

“No, it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting that.”

“She was boring, too,” Oksana told her, “Vanilla.” She was clearly trying to mess with Eve.

“Oksana!”

“Well, what are  _ you _ into?”

“Nothing weird.”

“That’s a shame.”

Eve gave her a look. “I’m pretty sure you have some fairly high standards for considering someone not vanilla.”

Oksana returned the look with a smirk. “And I’m pretty sure you’re lying about ‘nothing weird’. Even if you’ve never actually indulged in anything.”

“Oh. My. God. Oksana.”

“You keep saying variations of that, but you’ve yet to actually tell me to shut up. I think you’re entertained. Maybe you need to watch porn, Eve. I could recommend something.”

Eve closed her eyes again and leaned back in her chair, sucking in a deep breath. “Don’t you have a class to teach?”

“Eh.”

“Go to class, Oksana.”

Oksana laughed. “Fine. Cheers, Eve!” 

Eve opened her eyes again just in time to see Oksana wink at her before exiting the room. Eve threw her head back against the chair’s headrest and groaned.

————-

When evening came, Eve briefly thought about texting Oksana to see if she wanted to go for drinks, but she figured she was probably out, looking for another, more successful hookup. She’d strongly implied that was her plan, at least.

Eve flopped onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. For some reason that she couldn’t quite explain, she felt frustrated. The longer she lay there, the more she found her thoughts drifting to her conversation with Oksana from that morning. She tried to distract herself, think of other things, talk herself into turning on a show or working on some grading, anything else. But her thoughts continued to drift. 

Her eyes fell closed and she could see it, Oksana straddling the faceless woman, hands braced on either side of her head, kissing her. It would have been hard, passionate, fierce. That seemed like Oksana. 

Eve could only imagine Oksana’s body under her clothes, but still she could see it, the vision playing out behind her eyes. She had large, perfectly rounded breasts, perky, fantastic - Eve had noticed that much. More than that much. Her waist was small, but not too small, just right to curve perfectly into her hips, perfect for someone to rest her hands on them, squeeze her fingers in, pull them together.

Eve sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes tighter shut. 

Oksana would be a good fuck, she’d made that clear, not that Eve wouldn’t have been able to guess as much herself. She’d be slow, taunting. Kiss the woman’s hipbones and look up at her with the same expression she had when she was pressing Eve’s buttons. She’d wait and tease and kiss soft skin, but never get close enough until she heard the woman beg. And then she oblige, tongue, lips, hands. 

Suddenly the images morphed in Eve’s head and it was no longer a faceless woman beneath Oksana, it was Eve. It was Eve’s hands twisted in Oksana’s hair, Eve’s hips bucking up against Oksana’s mouth, Oksana’s fingers slipping into Eve.

Eve’s fingers trailed along her own stomach and paused at the waistband of her pants, finger tracing the button. She couldn’t. But she ached and really she’d already gone too far in the fantasy at that point, anything else she did would just be a drop in the bucket.

The button was undone and her fingers were there and it was a welcome relief, desperately needed. And she thought of Oksana crawling up her body to kiss her, bite her lip, as her fingers - Eve’s fingers, Oksana’s fingers - moved against her. She moaned, imagining Oksana’s lips brushing against her own as she told Eve to beg.

————

Oksana was pacing around her own apartment. She felt restless, in an undefinable mood. She’d told herself she’d go out that night, make up for the gravely disappointing hook-up the night before, but something just didn’t feel right about it. She threw herself onto her bed with a sigh and grabbed her phone from her nightstand. Her fingers hovered over Eve’s contact for a moment but eventually she sent a text:

_ Hey, want to get drinks? _

She turned the ringer on and tossed it to the other side of the bed, rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Restless. Bored. Uncomfortable. Dissatisfied. Frustrated. Something.

There was no response from Eve, even when Oksana double checked the phone, so she began aimlessly scrolling through her photos. The weekend before she’d convinced Eve to go out shopping with her and there was a stream of photos she’d taken in the dressing room, trying to convince Eve how good she looked in a dress Oksana had picked out. 

She had truly looked fantastic in it and Oksana was only more convinced of that as she looked back through the photos. Mostly it was Eve, she had a very nice body and Oksana had told her as much, but Eve didn’t really seem to believe her, which was why Oksana had pushed her to get the dress. Eve didn’t dress as well as she should for someone as beautiful as she was and she would probably like herself a lot more if she did. Oksana had lots of suggestions. 

Oksana paused on the last photo and bit her lip. After that photo she’d undone the zipper for Eve. It was a tight dress, the kind that did an incredible job of hugging Eve’s hips and thighs and ass, and was not the easiest thing to unzip by oneself. She’d done it slowly, admired the curve of Eve’s spine, wished Eve hadn’t been wearing panties with it, but grateful she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her back was smooth and Oksana had wanted to run her hand down it, settled her hands on Eve’s hips, wrest her chin on Eve’s shoulder, kiss her neck. Anything.

She wished Eve had turned around. Wished she had been facing the mirror when she slipped the dress off, wished she could have seen her whole body. Wished she could have seen her face. That was when she’d told Eve how nice her body was. Eve had seemed uncomfortable and Oksana had almost regretted saying it, but Eve needed to be told.

She set the phone aside and closed her eyes. Almost involuntarily, her hand was slipping below her waistband and before she knew it she was gasping, bucking her hips into her own touch. She wondered if Eve would beg, beg Oksana to touch her, beg to touch Oksana. She came as she imagined it.

It wasn’t the first time Oksana had gotten herself off to thoughts of Eve and despite telling herself every time that it wouldn’t happen again, it probably wouldn’t be the last. Eve would be horrified if she knew. But she never needed to know. 

————-

Three orgasms. Then a break. Then two more.

Eve lay on her back, hand on her stomach, breathing heavily. Once her heart rate had slowly returned to normal, she picked her phone up off the nightstand and checked the time. It had been over an hour and she’d missed a text from Oksana. 

_ Hey, want to get drinks? _

Apparently Oksana hadn’t gone out scouting for dates after all, or at least she hadn’t when she’d texted Eve. She’d probably gone ahead when she’d failed to receive a response. Eve set the phone back on the nightstand without responding. She felt a little guilty, not just for missing the text, but even more so for what she’d just done. Oksana probably wouldn’t be mad if she knew, though she would certainly tease Eve until the end of time, but it still felt wrong. 

Eve rolled over and pulled a pillow over her head with a loud groan. The real question was how she was going to look Oksana in the eye the next day or any day after that.


	5. Happy New Year

Eve sort of avoided Oksana after the night she spent fantasizing about her. Not that it was entirely successful, they ran into each other the next morning in the staff lounge and stared at each other over the island.

Eve wasn’t entirely sure of the exact way in which she was being awkward, but it had to be something because Oksana gave her a very strange look, somewhere between disturbed and deer in the headlights. She said nothing for the longest while - granted, neither did Eve - and then finally said “Hi” rather gruffly, before turning around and busying herself with the coffee maker. Eve had grabbed the first muffin she saw and left.  

The rest of the week was filled with finals and the rush of getting final grades in before the end of the term. Eve didn’t see Oksana again and Oksana didn’t text her. It probably wasn’t indicative of anything, though, Oksana was certainly just as busy as Eve was. In fact, the rush and stress was almost a welcome relief, a fine distraction from any unnecessary thoughts of Oksana.

Eve left as soon as she had her final grades submitted, got on a plane and flew to her mother’s house in Connecticut. Her mother had asked her to come home for the holidays for the past several years, but she’d always had to work, or at least she’d used it as an excuse. There was no longer an excuse when she had over a month off for the winter break and, really, she didn’t even mind. She needed to get out of London. She needed to get Oksana out of her head.

Oksana did eventually text her to ask what she was doing for the holidays. Eve tried to ignore the slight increase in her heart rate upon seeing the notification. Oksana was just being friendly. She forced herself to wait an hour before texting her back, telling her that she was technically celebrating Hanukkah with her mother and some scattered cousins, but it wasn’t a particularly significant occasion to her. She just needed a break. She didn’t tell Oksana she needed a break from her. Not that the break was really helping.

Oksana failed to respond to Eve’s question about her own plans and Eve didn’t hear from her again until she was back in London, the morning of New Year’s Eve.

_Are you going to that party tonight?_

Eve vaguely recalled an email about a faculty New Year’s Eve party. She’d ignored it at the time as she couldn’t imagine it being a particularly good affair. But if Oksana was going it was a bit of a different equation. Eve cursed the fact that she cared and hoped her reply wasn’t indicative of that.

_I suppose. Why, are you?_

_It might not be boring if you’re there._

Eve didn’t really know what to make of that answer, but she supposed Oksana had made it clear in the past that she found her time with Eve entertaining. So that was something. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard.

_Yeah, sure. I guess I’ll see you around 8 then?_

_Sounds good._

Eve slumped back in her chair for just a moment before suddenly sitting upright and frantically checking the time. She had to find an outfit.

———

She wore the dress Oksana had picked out the time she’d taken Eve out shopping. Eve hadn’t wanted to buy it, it was way too expensive and far more tight-fitting and revealing than anything she’d ever really worn. But Oksana had insisted, told Eve that it looked fantastic on her and she had to get it.

She'd told Eve that she had a really nice body.

Oksana had offered to buy it, which Eve had of course refused. Oksana offered to pay for things a lot and Eve usually declined, but sometimes it was easier not to argue with her. She insisted that she had a lot of money and liked to spend it and that Eve should really just let her do so. But the idea of letting Oksana buy her things made Eve feel uncomfortable and the dress would have been especially inappropriate.

The party was nice, even if was filled with work colleagues. It was held in the Sheldonian Theatre, which Eve had yet to see but had to admit she was very impressed by. Relatively quickly, she was able to find Elena and Hugo, two of the other professors she’d gotten to know over the past few months. Oksana was nowhere to be seen and Eve focused on maintaining polite conversation with them, trying to pretend she wasn’t scanning the crowd.

She didn’t care, really.

She’d managed to actually become somewhat immersed in what Elena was saying to her when she felt a hand on her arm. She stiffened and turned to see Oksana standing beside her, hair pinned up and a smile on her face. Eve sucked in her breath at the sight, because there was no other way to react to Oksana and the way she was dressed. She had on a floor length white dress, relatively simple except for the fact that v of the neckline dipped down between her breasts almost to her waist. Eve blinked several times and her words tumbled out involuntarily.

“You look incredible.”

Oksana spoke the same words at the same time, “You look incredible.” Eve blushed and Oksana looked away with a light laugh. “Jinx.” Several seconds ticked by before Oksana cheerfully broke into Hugo and Elena’s conversation. “So, what are we gossiping about?”

———-

To her surprise, Eve made it to the midnight countdown without much boredom. In general, she wasn’t particularly close to her colleagues, but she did like Elena and Hugo, even if she didn’t know them particularly well.

And Oksana. She liked Oksana.

Just because they got on well. And she was funny. And she pulled Eve out of her shell. Those were all good things. So it was a nice evening overall.

However, when the music in the room was turned down and the crowd started to chant, Eve was struck with the sudden realization that when the clock struck midnight she might actually be expected to kiss someone. And Oksana was standing right in front of her, watching her as they counted down together. Fortunately, Eve didn’t have to come to any decisions; Oksana kissed her.

The room was still on “one” when Oksana’s hands found Eve’s face and it must of been the longest single second of Eve’s life because it felt like ages passed before the actual cheers erupted around them. And Oksana’s lips were on hers for every moment of it and for an indeterminable number of moments afterwards. The cheers rang in Eve’s ears and it was more than anything she’d ever imagined - or tried not to imagine.

And then Oksana pulled away, laughing. She whirled around to a woman beside Eve and raised a questioning eyebrow before grabbing her by the wrist and kissing her.

Eve’s head spun.

Before she entirely realized what she was doing, Eve turned away from Oksana and the other woman to find Elena in front of her. Her mind was blank, body moving as someone else had control over it. Her hands found Elena’s waist and she yanked Elena towards her, kissing her as hard as she could. Elena froze for just a second, but then her body sank into Eve’s and her hands hooked behind Eve’s neck and she was kissing back.

Eve broke away. Hugo was a half step behind Elena and Eve found her hands tightening on the front of his shirt to tug on him, kiss him. And then there was someone else, someone Eve didn’t know. And another girl, maybe the same one Oksana had kissed. Eve wouldn’t have known, she wasn’t paying attention. Her mind stayed blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is shorter, I will try not to make a habit of it.


	6. Evaluations

Sometime during the first week of January, Eve managed to push herself into actually going to campus to get some work done. The entire psychology building was quiet, almost unnervingly so, but Eve did happen to pass by one open door on the way to her office and it made Eve pause.

“Elena, hi! I didn’t really expect anyone to be here.”

Elena jumped slightly at hearing Eve’s voice, but smiled when she looked up at her. “Oh, hi, Eve! I wouldn’t have really thought anyone would be here either. I figured I’d focus better here than at home, less distraction.”

“My thoughts as well.”

Elena wasn’t looking at her, staring instead at a spot on the floor directly between Eve’s feet. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and her cheeks seemed slightly flushed.

After the New Year’s party, Eve had some initial concerns about her impulsive kissing of Elena. She hadn’t thought it through at all and if she had she probably wouldn’t have done it. Any of it. Elena, or Hugo, or the other couple people whose faces Eve didn’t really recall.

Elena, in particular, had reacted at little bit strangely, much more strongly than really made sense to Eve. The passionate way she’d kissed Eve back after her initial freezing reaction had left Eve sort of unsettled, once she stopped to think about it. Not that there was anything wrong with Elena, not at all. She was very pretty and Eve did enjoy talking to her. But she was a colleague and that was the kind of conflicted relationship Eve had no desire to ever involve herself in. And even aside from that, Eve felt like she’d done something wrong.

“Look, Elena, I’m sorry about New Year’s. I shouldn’t have kissed you, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Elena quickly looked up at her and she seemed surprised. “No, you didn’t _upset_ me. I like you, Eve.”

Eve averted her eyes and shifted from one foot to the other. “Oh.”

“No, it’s not a big deal, nothing serious. I just really didn’t mind the kiss. But I know you’re not interested and that’s okay. What with Oksana and everything.”

Eve’s gaze locked onto Elena’s. “What do you mean by that?” She knew her voice sounded a little harsh. She hadn’t intended it to, but the tension slipped into her words all the same.

Elena shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, you clearly like her.”

“We’re just friends.”

“I didn’t say you were together, I said you liked her.”

Eve rubbed her forehead. “I just...find her attractive.” The admission surprised her, but it had been a long time coming and Elena was easy to talk to.

Elena laughed. “Obviously, Eve. The woman is hot. Everyone knows that.”

That actually made Eve feel better. Everyone was smitten with Oksana, she was just like that. She took everyone's breath away. She was just one of those people. It wasn’t Eve’s problem.

“Yeah, so, then what’s your point?”

“Exactly that. You like her.”

“No more than anyone else does.”

Elena pursed her lips. “I don’t know about that. Other people have other distractions. I’m not saying that if she had shoved me up against a wall at that party and asked me to go home with her that I wouldn’t have agreed.” Eve was certainly blushing. If Elena had noticed, she ignored it and continued. “But that’s not my focus. Personally, I’m trying to get that IT guy to ask me out. I keep pretending my computer is broken. Kenny, do you know him?”

“Vaguely, I think.”

Elena nodded. “So, I guess I’d say that’s the difference. The focus.”

“I’m not focused on her.”

“Whatever you say. But I get why you would be, you spend a lot of time together don’t you?”

“We just go out for drinks sometimes. She’s nice. She’s friendly. She’s like that to everyone.”

Elena shook her head. “Not to everyone, not like that. I mean, she’s friendly, yeah. Flirty, totally. But not like that. I don’t know anyone else who’s gone out for drinks with her.”

“We’re friends, I told you that.”

Elena sighed. “Okay, Eve. Whatever you say.” She turned back to her computer. “Oh, did you see the professor rankings came out? You got second.”

Eve was floored. Dr. Martens had mentioned that there was a list published at the end of each term of all the professors in the department based on the student evaluations. She could never have dreamed she would have ranked so well, though. It was her very first term, that was beyond remarkable.

“Wow. Do you have it, can I see?”

“Uh, yeah,” Elena said, opening up a window on her computer, “But I should probably tell you that…” she trailed off. Eve had already seen.

“Oh.” She sort felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her.

“Yeah…”

——--

Eve went through the rest of the day feeling weird, but that was fine. She’d been feeling weird a lot over the past few weeks and would probably do well with a drink or some loud music or both. She hadn't actually seen Oksana or really even talked to her since New Year's, but it was probably time to bite the bullet and return to feigning normalcy with the woman. So, Eve called her as she walked toward the staff parking lot at the end of the day.

“Hey,” she answered. Eve could hear the muffled sound of the TV in the background.

“Do you want to go out? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I guess it has. But sure. I need to get ready, though, I’m a bit naked.” Eve rolled her eyes up towards the sky and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Great.” Her voice was a little curt and Oksana seemed to notice.

“I can be quick. We can go to the place around the corner from my apartment, I’ll probably ready as soon as you get there. I’m guessing you’re at school.”

“Yeah, I am,” Eve paused. “Actually, can I park at your place and walk over from there? I think there’s construction, parking will be a nightmare.”

“Sure, I don’t care. Text me and I’ll buzz you up. And I promise to be dressed when you arrive.”

Eve inhaled slowly. “Great.”

“See you soon!”

Eve hung up without responding.

———--

Oksana answered her door in a silk dressing gown.

“You’re not dressed,” Eve stated flatly. Oksana looked her up and down. Eve’s arms were crossed over her chest and her expression was mostly blank, perhaps a touch annoyed.

“I’m not naked.” Oksana’s response didn’t seem amuse Eve.

She sighed and pushed past Oksana into the apartment. “Are you going to get ready?”

“In a minute. Do you want some wine or something? You seem very wound up.”

Oksana wandered into the kitchen and began examining the bottles in the rack on the counter.

“Yeah, sure, I guess.” Eve leaned against the island behind Oksana, examining the countertop. “They posted the professor evaluation rankings.”

“Oh? How’d we do?” Oksana set a glass in front of Eve but she didn’t look up.

“First and second.”

Oksana squealed. “What? Go us! I knew we were incredible.”

“Well, apparently you’re more incredible.” Eve was clearly irritated and not even attempting to hide it.

It took Oksana a minute to find a response, but she eventually came up with a “what?” Eve looked up at her eyes narrowed. Oksana was totally lost.

“You beat me.”

“Okay? So? It can’t have been by much.” Eve huffed. “What was my rating?” Oksana asked. There had to be something she was missing.

“4.92”

“And what was yours?”

“4.84”

Oksana was having a really hard time processing Eve’s freakout and the situation in general. “So you’re upset over...less than a tenth of a point?”

She liked Eve and part of why she liked her is because she felt that she understood Eve, at least a lot better than she understood most other people. But at that moment she was at a complete loss to explain her.

“Don’t dismiss me, Oksana,” Eve snapped.

“I’m not, I’m just trying to understand why you’re so upset.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? Most people would understand that!” Eve’s irritability had clearly been building since she’d walked into the apartment, but she’d finally hit a true breaking point.

Oksana threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “Why are you yelling at me?”

"I'm upset!"

“What, are you jealous?” Eve had yet to actually explain why she was upset and Oksana was truly grasping at straws in terms of explanations at that point.

“Yeah. No. I’m annoyed. What do you even do? They all like you because you dress hot every day and you’re funny and you tell stupid, silly stories. They probably just all have crushes on you or something. Which makes sense because you know how to manipulate people really well and I’m sure you just play with them until they adore you no matter what. But you don’t take things seriously like I do and it pisses me off that you still win in spite of that. You piss me off.”

The last vestiges of understanding Oksana had been trying to cultivate were gone and cold rage settled over her like a wave. She was about ready to slap Eve across the face. “What the hell, Eve? That’s really rude. You are acting like a total asshole right now and I do not understand why. But you cannot talk to me like that.”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

Oksana came around the counter and in an instant she was in Eve’s face. “No. Not whatever. I do not know what is wrong with you, I do not know what is going on in your life that is making you feel like you need to lash out, but you need to find another way to handle it. Go to a boxing class. Find someone with a degradation kink. I don’t know, Eve. But I am not your emotional punching bag. I like you, but I don’t like you that much.”

Eve was glaring at her and she sort of looked like she wanted to wrap her hands around Oksana’s throat or something equally violent. Oksana could more than relate. She clenched her fists at her sides, threw her head back, and hissed out a long breath.

“I think you need to leave, Eve.”

“Yeah,” Eve snapped, “sounds good.”


	7. I Don't Need Your Help

Eve had stewed after her fight with Oksana. She’d felt sick; her stomach felt twisted and nauseous and it wasn’t because of alcohol. She’d started a glass of wine when she’d gotten home and then ultimately threw it into the sink. It had shattered, splashing droplets of red up onto Eve’s white shirt. She’d ignored it, let it stain. The glass shards stayed in the sink for three days.

She wasn’t sure why she was mad. Logically, she knew Oksana hadn’t done anything wrong, there was nothing to be mad about and that was probably the reason she felt sick. She knew she shouldn’t have lashed out. But she was angry, really angry. For whatever reason.

For a little while, she thought maybe she was angry at herself, mad at herself for failing and taking second place to Oksana. But she wasn’t, she really wasn’t. In spite of it all, she was proud of herself. She’d succeeded, exceptionally well, at a new job, in a new field and she was proud of that.

She was proud of Oksana, too. 

That made her feel worse.

She was happy they had succeeded together.

That was even worse.

Oksana didn’t text her, not that Eve expected her to. She’d deserved the lecture and she knew it. Oksana also deserved an apology, she knew that as well. But she couldn’t quite bring herself to extend the white flag. She was still mad, even if she knew Oksana didn’t deserve it and she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know if she could maintain a conversation in which she remained calm. 

Still, the sick feeling in her stomach remained and on the Sunday after the fight she swallowed her pride and sent a text.

_ I’m sorry. _

Oksana didn’t respond and Eve continued the sleepless pattern she’d been in for the past several days. 

Being on break from school was rough, Eve’s life lacked the distraction of preparing for class and the time consumption of giving daily lectures. And it forced her to realize how much of her free time had been taken up by Oksana.

In the very early hours of Tuesday morning, Eve’s phone rang. She had been fading in and out of sleep and rolled over in bed, blinking the traces of it from her eyes. The phone showed 2am, barely even Tuesday. It was an unknown number and she almost didn’t answer it but she was already awake and there was no way she was going back to sleep so she might as well take the distraction.

“Hello?”

A brisk female voice answered, “Eve Polastri?” There was a fair bit of noise in the background, other voices and hard to identify sounds.

“Yes?”

“This is Dr. Yang. I have an Oksana Astankova here in the A&E, you’re listed as the emergency contact.”

Eve froze and sat bolt right. Any last traces of sleep were gone from her head in an instant and her heart was immediately pounding.

“What? What happened? Is she alright?”

“She’s fine. She was in a small motorcycle accident but she doesn’t have any major injuries, just a minor concussion. We’ll probably be releasing her within a few hours, but would only do so if there was someone who could watch over her at home.”

Eve was reeling. 

“She asked for me? You said she listed me as an emergency contact?”

“Well, no. You were listed on some paperwork for a prior visit. She’s sleeping, at the moment. Is there a problem?”

Eve was scrambling out of bed, searching for pants. “No, no, not at all. I’ll come right away. What hospital?”

“Barnet.”

“Okay. Thirty minutes.”

——--

When Eve arrived at the hospital, she found Oksana in a curtained bay at the back of the A&E. She looked unconscious, but the doctor on the phone had said she was just sleeping and Eve prayed that was the case. She didn’t look too bad, as it turned out. Eve had imagined far worse in her panicked drive over. She couldn’t fail to notice the helmet sitting on a chair beside the bed, on top of a folded leather jacket. There were scuff marks across the front visor and Eve’s eyes traced over Oksana’s smooth skin, trying not to imagine what she’d look like if she hadn’t been wearing it. 

She didn’t know what to do. She settled in the other chair by the bed and thought about reaching out to take Oksana’s hand. That seemed to be what people did in hospitals, not that Eve had ever been in one to know for herself. But Oksana had an IV and Eve didn’t want to hurt her and Oksana probably wouldn’t have liked that anyway.

Fortunately, before Eve could struggle with the decision any longer, Oksana’s eyes opened and settled on Eve. She groaned. “Why are  _ you _ here?”

Eve raised her eyebrows. “Well, I’m your emergency contact. Apparently.”

Oksana closed her eyes again and leaned her head back into the pillow. “Right. I forgot about that.” She sounded exhausted.

Eve didn’t know what to say any more than she knew what to do. “Are...are you okay?”

Oksana gave her a fairly demeaning look. “Well, I fell off my motorcycle turning through an intersection and sort of crashed into asphalt with the entire side of my body and a little bit of my head. But, yeah, I’m totally great. Let’s go out clubbing.” 

“Okasna, I’m really asking. What did the doctor say?”

She sighed. “I really am pretty much fine. I have a concussion, but it’s not that bad. I landed on my side, so my hip is pretty banged up. I’ll probably have a nice bruise. But I didn’t break anything.”

“I’m really glad. I was worried.”

Oksana’s eyes drifted closed once more and Eve almost thought she’d fallen back asleep until she spoke again. “You don’t have to be here, Eve.”

“I want to be.”

Oksana looked at her then, her eyes black. “I thought you were pissed at me.” She spat the words at Eve, but she looked genuinely...hurt. And pale as she was, IV in her hand, dressed in a hospital gown, with faint bruises starting to appear across her cheekbones, despite the helmet, Oksana wasn’t like her usual self. She seemed smaller, tired, the tiniest bit defeated. 

“I’m not. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said.” 

“Yeah, you said. I got your text.”

“I meant it.”

“Then why did you say those things?”

“I wish I could give you an answer. I guess I was in a foul mood. I really don’t know.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “That’s a terrible answer, Eve Polastri.”

Eve felt like shit. “I know.” 

But she really didn’t have a better one.

——--

Nurses came and went and Oksana lay in the bed, eyes closed. Eve wasn’t sure if she was sleeping or not, but either way she clearly didn’t want to talk. Eve watched her, watched her breathe, listened to the quiet beeping of the monitor at her bedside, and felt sick.

Oksana did open her eyes at one point, rolled her head to the side and stared at Eve. She said nothing, just stared. Eve couldn’t read her expression. Anger? Fatigue? Annoyance? Frustration? Something else?

She finally had to break the silence. “Why were you out riding around so late?” It had been bothering her.

“I guess I was in a foul mood,” Oksana said sarcastically, mocking Eve’s earlier words.

Eve didn’t push it. Oksana turned her head back to the ceiling and closed her eyes again.

Eventually the doctor came in, ran a neurological check, and looked some things over in Oksana’s chart. She nodded, seeming pleased. 

“You seem to be doing well. I’m fine with releasing you, but as I said, you do need to be observed for at least the next twenty-four hours.” She looked at Eve. “You’re able to do that?”

“Yes,” Eve said, instantly. “Absolutely.”

She looked at Oksana. She was glaring at the ceiling, but didn’t make any sort of argument.

The requisite paperwork took forever and by the time they made it outside the light of the sun had started to appear over the tops of the nearby buildings. The nurse attending to Oksana insisted that hospital policy required her to be brought to the curb in a wheelchair. She protested, but only for so long, and eventually sank into the chair. Eve could tell she was in pain, not that she would ever admit it.

After they were in Eve’s car, Oksana said, “Drop me off at my place. You can go home.”

“I told that doctor I’d watch over you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Well, you have it anyway.”

“Why are you bothering?”

“Because...because I care, Oksana!” Eve hadn’t meant to raise her voice, but she was getting frustrated again. Maybe she’d never stopped being frustrated. Oksana turned to look out the window so Eve couldn’t see her face. “You must know that, you put me as your emergency contact.” There was silence between them and Eve kept glancing over at Oksana’s stiff body, frozen except for her hand clenching and unclenching in her lap. Eve softened her voice. “Why did you put me down?”

Oksana’s voice was barely a whisper when she finally answered. “Because I thought you were my friend. I don’t have a lot of friends, Eve.”

That hit Eve hard in the chest. “Oksana...I am your friend.” She reached out and touched Oksana on the arm, but Oksana flinched so she pulled away. “Please, let me stay tonight.”

Oksana’s fist clenched and unclenched. 

“Okay.”

——-

When they pulled into the parking garage of Oksana’s building, Oksana immediately got out over the car. Eve ran over to try and help her, but Oksana shrugged her off. She hobbled on her bad hip, but eventually made it to the elevator and slammed her palm down on the button. She looked like crap, but Eve let her be. She clearly didn’t want Eve’s help and Eve figured she was pressing her luck just by being there. 

Oksana sank into the couch when they got into the apartment and Eve busied herself with organizing the paperwork on the counter, finding a glass of water, and fishing Oksana’s pain meds out of her purse. She was setting the glass and bottle on the table in front of Oksana when she suddenly realized something.

“Wait, where’s your bike?”

“Uh, I think a tow company came for it. Just because I was going to the hospital, I don’t think it was banged up all that bad. I don’t really remember though I was kind of out of it in the ambulance. There’s a card or something in those papers they gave me when I left.” Oksana rubbed a hand across her face.

“I can call them in the morning and find out. Or I guess later today, it’s already morning.”

“You don’t have to do that, Eve.”

“I want to.”

Oksana exhaled sharply through her nose but she didn’t argue further.

“Here,” Eve said, reaching for the bottle of pain meds, “take these. The stuff they gave you at the A&E will wear off soon and you’ll probably be in a world of pain, especially the hip you landed on.”

“I’m fine.”

“I really think-”

“I’m fine, Eve.” Oksana snapped.

Eve bit her tongue and set the bottle back on the table.

“Okay.”

“I’m going to bed.” Oksana struggled to her feet.

“Do you need-”

“I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help.” 

Oksana made her way to her bedroom and closed the door with what was probably her best attempt at a slam.

——--

Eve settled into the couch and had just drifted off to sleep when Oksana’s voice broke through her consciousness to wake her. 

“Eve!”

Eve blinked a few times.

“Eve!” Oksana called louder, plaintively.

Eve scrambled to her feet, tripping over the blanket that was wrapped around them, and hurried in to the bedroom.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Oksana was curled in the fetal position on her good side, face buried in her pillow, gripping the pillowcase with white knuckles. She lifted her head when she heard Eve come in and her face was pale and scrunched up in pain. 

“I...can you...can I have those pain meds after all?”

“Yeah, yes, of course. One second.”

Eve hurried out of the room, found the bottle and a glass of water and brought them back into Oksana who had buried her face in the pillow again.

“Oksana?” She nodded her head, face still buried. “Here. It looks like you take one now, another in half an hour if it doesn’t help.”

Oksana rolled over and held out her hand. “Give me the bottle.” 

“Okay…” Eve handed it over. Oksana opened it, poured out four pills and swallowed them dry. “Oksana!” Eve exclaimed. “That’s too many!” 

Oksana shook her head, tossed the bottle onto the bed, and rolled back to the side. She mumbled into the pillow, “It’s fine. I have a high tolerance. They won’t work if I take less.”

Eve sputtered. “They could make you sick. You already have a concussion, you could be too sleepy-”

“I’ll be fine, Eve.”

Eve wanted to keep arguing but Oksana sounded so worn out and really, it was already done, there was no point.

“Okay, but I’m staying here. I want to be sure you keep breathing.”

Oksana peered up at her from the pillow. “You’re a worry wart, you know that?”

“I don’t care, I’m staying here.”

Oksana sighed. “Okay, Eve. Whatever you say.” 

She closed her eyes again, but Eve could tell she wasn’t relaxed, was still in pain. Her fingers still clenched the pillow and her face was still tight, her lips pinched together. Eve pulled a chair over to the bed and settled in. She must have watched Oksana for a while, because in time she started to relax. Her fingers slipped from the pillow, her breathing slowed, her features softened. 

She looked beautiful. A very different kind of beautiful than Eve had ever seen her before, but beautiful all the same.

It really seemed like she had fallen asleep again, but then, without opening her eyes, she spoke, a goofy sort of smile on her face.

“Eve? Are you still here?”

“Yes.” Eve leaned in closer to her. “Are you okay?”

Oksana’s dopey smile grew wider. “I’m great.” She drew the last word out long and slow. 

Eve felt a sense of relief settle over her. “I take in the pain meds are kicking in.”

“Yes.” She opened her eyes and looked Eve over. Even in the dark, her eyes were bright. “Thank you for staying.”

“Of course.”

“I’m glad you did. Even though I was mad at you. And I still kind of am. But you’re not being a dick anymore so I guess it’s better.”

Eve’s stomach flipped again. She looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers together. “I really am sorry.”

“I know. I don’t forgive you, but I think I will. You can make it up to me.”

Eve met Okasana’s gaze and it was soft. She clearly meant what she said, she didn’t forgive Eve, but she didn’t look angry. Eve attempted a smile.

“I’ll do my best.”

“And if you ever figure yourself out, please explain your outburst to me. Your explanation was not very helpful and I would like to understand. But I believe that you don’t really understand yourself. You should work on that.”

Eve nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

Oksana grinned. “Good. I would like you to make me pancakes when I wake up.”

“I...don’t think you want me to do that. I’m pretty terrible at cooking.”

“Fine, then you will go get them for me. The place around the corner makes coconut ones. I want lots of extra whipped cream.”

Eve couldn’t help but smile for real. “Of course. I’ll have them waiting.”

Oksana wrapped her arms around the pillow and snuggled in. Eve watched her until she was certainly asleep and her breathing was deep and even. She brushed a strand of hair off Oksana’s face, cursed herself, and left to find the pancakes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by my insatiable desire for the Eve taking care of hurt Oksana trope. So I did this for myself but you’re welcome also.


	8. Casual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is also explicit just a heads up before anyone encounters something they aren’t prepared for

Eve ended up staying with Oksana for two days. She wanted to stay longer, but Oksana ultimately told her that she was annoying and smelled and needed to go home. Which both embarrassed Eve and made it clear to her that Oksana was back to her usual self. She was also no longer taking pain meds, although she was still limping a bit and Eve had caught a few glimpses of the brilliant bruises on her right hip and thigh. 

So she left. She continually checked in via text and fortunately Oksana always responded and without enough delay to worry Eve. So she felt fine. She did. She didn’t see Oksana, though. But that was fine. It was.

A few days later, the Sunday night before the start of classes, Oksana texted Eve for the first time herself.

_ It’s our last night of freedom and I’m better now. Let’s go out. _

Eve’s stomach flipped. She didn’t miss Oksana or anything, but it really would be nice to do something fun before getting back into the swing of work.

_ Sounds great. _

_ ———- _

Oksana met Eve at the bar. She was dressed more casual than usual, in looser, flowing pants and flat shoes that Eve had never seen before. Eve wondered if she was still sore, but she walked just fine and when she settled onto a stool it was with apparent ease. 

She smiled when she saw Eve, a normal, genuine smile that Eve hadn’t really seen in a while. There had been the dopey grins when she’d been on the pain meds, but that wasn’t the same. It felt really good to see and Eve felt a tension release from her shoulders that she hadn’t even known she was carrying.

Oksana hugged her and that was the real surprise. She’d done it once or twice in the past, but it was still strange, especially given the discomfort and slight awkwardness that had hovered since Eve had been a total shit.

“Hello nursemaid,” Oksana said jokingly, as she sat down. “It’s good to see you.”

They both ordered drinks and then Oksana turned to Eve, drumming her fingers on the bar counter, looking at her expectantly.

“Um, how are you?” she asked.

“Good,” Oksana nodded. “Much better.”

“I’m glad. Really glad.”

“How are you? Ready for classes?”

“Good. I guess I’m ready. The break has been nice, but I think I need the routine.”

“Yes, I agree. I’m not sure I’m entirely ready to deal with the students, but it’ll be good to do something.”

“You don’t like them.”

Oksana scrunched up her face. “They’re idiots. Last term one of them asked me what the difference between sociology and social psychology was.”

“That’s a reasonable question.”

“For the start of the term, sure. I told them on the very first day of class. Syllabus day, in fact. But they asked me more than halfway through the term. Do they just not pay any attention? Do they just forget everything?”

Eve gave her a look. “Don’t be an ass, Oksana.”

Oksana threw up her hands. “I’m not, it was a stupid question!”

“There are no stupid questions.”

“People say that, but I don’t believe it.”

“What did you say? Did you answer it?”

“Well, yes. I stared him down, but I did answer. As a professor, I’m supposed to answer all question. It’s how I get good ratings.” 

Eve looked down at her lap. The last sentence was pretty snarky but Eve deserved it.

“That’s probably true. What is your definition, then?”

Oksana gave her a highly critical look. “You don’t know?” she asked incredulously. “I had much higher expectations, Eve.”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Of course I have my own definition. I’m just curious what yours is. Definitions vary.”

“Well I say that sociology focuses on general theories about groups and societies while social psychology is more about individuals and what they have in common with each other that makes them susceptible to social influence.”

“I agree.” Oksana nodded, seemings satisfied. “And that’s why you prefer teaching the social and personality classes, rather than sociology stuff. And why you liked your jury selection job.”

Oksana studied her, as if she was trying to decide on how much of an answer she wanted to give. “Yes. And why I don’t like the clinical and abnormal classes you teach.”

“Because you think they’re boring?”

“I suppose.” She paused and stared ahead of her at the bottles behind the bar, absently tracing a finger around the edge of her glass. “And they bother me a little.”

That surprised Eve. “Why?”

Oksana ran her tongue along the edge of her teeth. “I don’t know. They just do.”

It didn’t feel like an entirely honest answer and Eve really wanted to get a better one but she felt like she was on somewhat thin ice with Oksana and didn’t think pushing it was a good idea. “Okay, well I like them. I’m happy to teach more than my share of them.”

Oksana looked over at her with a smile and a nod. “Go team.” 

———-

They talked for a long time and the conversation flowed as easily as it ever had, maybe even more so. At some point, Eve heard the bartender make the last call and she looked at her watch in disbelief.

“It’s...already one.”

Oksana laughed lightly. “I guess it is. Time flies.”

“We didn’t even really drink at all.”

“Distracted, I guess. We had a lot of catching up to do.” Oksana was looking at her Eve as she said it and her stare was penetrating, but not in the way Eve had often seen. It wasn’t the one she gave Eve when she was angry or when she seemed like she was staring deep into Eve’s soul and could probably read her every thought.

It was almost soft.

“Yeah, we did.”

“A little rude of us. We should tip well.” Oksana looked as if she expected Eve to say something else, but she didn’t know what that would be. Oksana made a popping sound with her lips and said, “Do you want to come back to my place? I have wine, we can actually drink and finish our conversation.”

“Sure, that sounds good.”

Oksana nodded, placed some money on the counter and got up from her seat to make her way towards the door. Eve followed.

They’d gone to the bar around the corner from Oksana’s place, the one they’d intended to go to the night of the fight, so it was just a short walk to get back to her apartment. Oksana headed towards the kitchen while Eve shrugged off her coat, draped it over the back of the coach, and sat down. She set two glasses of wine on the table in front of them and then joined Eve on the coach, tucking her legs up under her. 

Silence fell between them, the earlier ease of conversation from the bar somehow gone.

Finally, Oksana spoke. “Ask me a question.”

“What?”

“A question. Ask me something. What would you want to know about me?”

“Um...what is your favorite color?”

Oksana scrunched up her face. “That is a terrible question, Eve.” She sighed. “Pink. My favorite color is pink.”

Eve snorted. “Seriously?”

Oksana looked insulted. “Yes. Pink. What’s your favorite color?”

“I don’t know. Navy blue?”

“That’s boring. Just like your question.”

“Fine, what’s a good question?”

“When was the last time you masturbated?”

Eve blushed bright red and looked across the room in the opposite direction of Oksana.

“Excuse me? That’s personal.”

“Personal is interesting.”

“I...the day before yesterday.” Eve didn’t know why she actually answered.

“Hmm. I masturbated this morning.” 

Eve looked over at her. She seemed entirely calm, a bit entertained. Not at all flustered like Eve was.

“I didn’t ask.”

“No, but it’s only polite to answer as well.”

“Nothing about this conversation is polite.”

“There is nothing wrong with talking about sex, Eve. People are too uptight.” Eve sighed. “Okay, now ask me a question. A better question.” 

“How many women have you brought home?” She had no idea why she asked the question and was pretty sure she might not actually want the answer.

“I do not know. There have been many.”

The answer triggered an unidentifiable feeling in Eve’s chest. Some combination of frustrated...flustered...uncomfortable...something else.

“I suppose it’s your turn,” she said, by way of a response. 

Oksansa was quiet for awhile.

“What would you do if I kissed you?” Her voice was quiet, flat. She stared straight ahead of her, her face entirely unreadable.

“I…” Eve paused. It was the moment where she had to make a decision. She couldn’t hedge, couldn’t give a half answer. She had to decide. She wished Oksana had an expression, wished she could tell if she was serious or if she was teasing. Wished she could tell if she was asking because she just wanted to know if Eve liked her or if she wanted to know if it was a two-way street. 

Eve took a deep breath and decided.

“I would kiss you back.”

Oksana looked at her with a sharp turn of her neck and in just that instant she had come alive with emotion, her eyes were on fire, her lips parting. Before Eve knew it, Oksana was on her knees in front of Eve and her face was cupped in Oksana’s hands.

And Oksana was kissing her. And she kept kissing her. And kissing her. She didn’t stop, not like the last time.

It was Eve who broke away. “I was mad about New Year’s,” she said in a rush. 

Oksana looked dazed. “What?”

“When I yelled at you about the ratings. I was mad about New Year’s.”

“You were mad that I kissed you?”

Eve shook her head. “No, I was mad that that’s all you did.” Oksana didn’t respond, she looked like she was processing Eve’s words very slowly. “I was mad that you kissed me and then just left and kissed a bunch of other girls instead of...I thought something else was going to happen. I know it certainly does with the other women you find.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that?”

“I...think it’s only really sinking in now.”

“I would have gone home with you that night if you’d asked. Telling me that would also have been much better than the yelling.”

“I don’t know, I was just...annoyed. And frustrated. And I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why until now. Until, well, until you just...kissed me like that.”

Oksana grinned and her settled her hands on the couch on either side of Eve’s waist, pushing her onto her back. She leaned over Eve, their chests bumping lightly together, their faces inches apart. “Would you feel better if you got some, too?”

Eve swallowed hard, her pulse pounding in her ears. “Probably.”

Oksana leaned in, lips brushing Eve’s ear. “Yes or no, Eve? Would you feel better if you got some, too?”

Eve let out a small gasp at the just the slight contact and she cursed herself for the reaction.

“Yes.”

Her lips were on Eve’s neck, just below her ear, kissing down across her neck, under her jawbone. Eve’s hands found their way to Oksana’s waist slipping up the back of her sweater. Her fingers ran over the divets in her lower back and then the shallow bumps of her spine, made more prominent by the way she was bent over Eve’s body. 

Oksana’s lips found their way back to Eve’s and before Eve knew it her fingers had slipped down to the button of Eve’s pants, undoing it and then pausing, all her fingers splayed out along the skin just under her waistband. It was the lightest touch, but every one of Eve’s nerve endings screamed out at it.

Then Oksana pulled back, face becoming serious. “This needs to be casual, Eve.”

“Of course.”

“Because, you know, I told you I don’t do relationships.”

“That’s fine.”

“You’re really sure? Because people say that and then they change their minds and things get weird.”

“I told you, I’m not jealous. I just...yeah I wanted some, too. I’m just really fucking into you and it’s been driving me crazy.”

“Okay, but I need to make sure that-”

“Seriously, Oksana, it’s fine.” Eve was starting to get frustrated, in more ways that one. “Please just fuck me, I swear to god you’ve been teasing me for months.”

Oksana looked utterly delighted and planted her hands on either side of Eve’s head, pressing their hips flush against each other. Eve could feel her breath on her lips as she spoke. “Oh, honey, I’ve been teasing you since the moment we met.”

Before Eve could come up with a response, Oksana was kissing her again. Her teeth were on Eve’s lip and her tongue was pressing into Eve’s mouth and it was hard and passionate and fantastic. 

Oksana shifted herself to kneel above Eve. She pinched Eve’s hips tight between her knees to make space for her hands to travel back down to the top of Eve’s pants. This time, though, she didn’t pause and her hands slid under the fabric, cupped Eve’s ass, her nails biting into Eve’s skin. 

For just a moment Eve gasped into Oksana’s mouth, but then she was caught up in the kiss again, caught up in Oksana’s lips and teeth and tongue. She could barely breathe pure air, but in no way did she want to. All she could want, all she could focus on was Oksana, her breath, her taste, her touch.

Oksana’s hands slid lower under Eve’s pants pulling them down along with her underwear in a single movement. Her thumbs traced Eve’s hip bones as she did so and the touch sent a shock through Eve’s stomach and spine. Her hips jerked involuntarily up into Oksana’s hands and Oksana laughed into the next kissed that followed. 

Her pants were gone, her shoes kicked across the room in a frantic motion, and Oksana pressed a knee between Eve’s legs. Eve groaned as soon as she felt the pressure directly against her, bucked her hips, no longer caring how unbelievably desperate she seemed. 

Oksana’s hands came forward and tangled themselves in Eve’s hair. Her grip was tight, almost painful, and she pulled Eve harder into the kiss, if that was even possible. Eve jutted her hips against Oksana’s leg, craving the contact, needing more. And Oksana let her, held her position firm, let Eve press against her.

But that was all she did. Until Eve begged.

“Oksana…” Eve whimpered. Her name was muffled, it barely broke through the kiss that had preceded it. But Oksana heard and she pulled back to look at Eve. Her face was flushed, as much as Eve’s surely was, and light danced in her eyes. “Please,” Eve mumbled. 

Oksana grinned, wider than Eve had ever seen and she dipped her head forward once more to bite Eve on the lip hard before moving to Eve’s neck, kissing along her jawbone. And she pulled a hand from Eve’s hair and pushed it between her legs. 

Eve was wet, incredibly so, and Oksana fingers slid against her with ease. Eve gasped before they even found their place on her clit and once they did. Oksana was firm with her movements, not harsh, but incredibly precise, and the overwhelming sensation of it shot through Eve’s brain like wildfire.

She lasted barely any time at all and she would have been ashamed at how easily she came for Oksana if she hadn’t been so desperate, hadn’t needed it for so long. She didn’t have the capacity to care how pathetic she might look.

She opened her eyes and Oksana was smirking at her. Once she saw Eve looking, she pulled her fingers away from her and raised them to her lips, where she slowly began to lick them one by one, never breaking eye contact. Eve watched her. She was still breathing hard and the sight of Oksana, that look on her face, tongue slipping across her fingers to lick Eve off of them, that sight didn’t help.

Suddenly she was struck by a new desire, a fierceness that settled over her body and mind and she sat up. Her hands landed against Oksana’s shoulders and she pushed her back against the arm of the opposite side of the couch. Oksana’s hand dropped to the side, wet fingers forgotten.  Her eyes had gone wide and the cheeky grin, her self-satisfied look of control was gone. Eve had actually surprised her. 

“What are you going to do, Eve?” Her voice was an octave higher than normal, her breathing strained. 

“Well, obviously I’m going to fuck you. Make sure you come as well. It’s only polite, right?” It was Eve’s turn to bask in the satisfaction of looking down at the other and watch her facial features twitch in response. 

“Only polite,” Oksana murmured. 

“Yeah, that’s it,” Eve said moving forward to brush her lips against the sensitive skin below Oksana’s ear, “Just polite. Not like I desperately want it or anything. Not like I’m dying to touch you. Put my hands on you. Get my tongue between your legs and run it along the places you are most in need of pleasure. Hear what sounds you make when I do that.”

Oksana’s fingers dug into Eve’s waist and her eyelashes fluttered. “Eve...” It was almost, but not quite, a moan. Eve vowed she would make it into one before the night was out.

Her hands found the bottom of Oksana’s sweater and tugged it up. Oksana obediently ducked her head and slipped her arms out, reaching up towards Eve’s face as soon as they were free. 

“Take yours off too, Eve,” Oksana said. Her voice was breathy, her pupils blown. She reached out a hand and trailed her fingertips down the front of Eve’s blouse. “I want to see you, I should have torn this off of you ages ago.” Eve pulled it over her head and tossed it aside. She bent back down over Oksana, intending to kiss her again, but Oksana’s hands wrapped around her back to fiddle with the clasp of her bra. “No, Eve. Everything. I want to see everything, all of you.”

Oksana finished with the clasp and then moved slower, a finger tracing under each strap, studying Eve’s reaction as she did so. Then she seemed to lose her patience. She flicked the straps off Eve’s shoulders and let the bra fall so her hands could cup Eve’s breasts. She held Eve’s gaze for a while after that before letting her eyes travel down Eve’s body. She sucked in her breath and her grip on Eve’s breasts tightened.

“You’re gorgeous, you know.”

A smile played on Eve’s lips. “You’re one to talk. I’ve tried, without success, not to look at you for however long I’ve known you. But, I mean, how can someone not? I kind of hate you for it.”

Oksana grinned. “I’ve heard that before but I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think you hate me. I think you  _ desire _ me.” She rolled her hips against Eve’s and Eve huffed out a breath, pressing her lips against Oksana’s neck.

“Yes, well the desire is infuriating.”

“Well, then you’ll just have to satisfy it, won’t you?” Eve couldn’t breathe. She pulled back to look at Oksana. She'd meant what she said. It was infuriating. Oksana was infuriating. But she wanted her more than she’d ever wanted anything. Oksana clasped her hands behind her head. “Don’t you want a better view, Eve?” She wiggled her hips and pressed her chest out towards Eve, showing off the red lace of her bra. Thin and revealing, certainly, but still more coverage than Eve wanted.

She tore it off of Oksana and her lips and tongue were on Oksana’s nipple before the garment was even fully untangled from Oksana’s wrists. Oksana gasped and arched her back up against Eve’s mouth. Eve’s sudden movement had clearly taken her by surprise, the self-assured, overly confident demeanor once again knocked to the side, at least for the moment. Her hands settled in Eve’s hair, not pulling, just winding through, making contact.

“I like your hair,” she mumbled. Eve lips broke from Oksana’s skin briefly when she smiled but then they were back and Oksana gasped again. Eve reached up to toy with Oksana’s other nipple and allowed her kisses to travel to the side of her breast. She moved across the curve of it, just as round and perky as she’d always imagined from the way she dressed, but even more incredible when the woman was naked below her, with Eve’s lips upon her. 

Eve’s mouth pressed down onto Oksana’s sternum and traveled down in a straight line across her stomach, down towards her belly button. Oksana’s hips arched up as she moved lower. Satisfaction and lust swept through Eve’s stomach. 

She placed firmer, deeper kisses into the crevices above Oksana’s hipbones and then she hooked a thumb under each side of her waistband and pulled Oksana’s pants off as roughly as Oksana had removed hers. Oksana’s fingers clenched tight in Eve’s hair when she did so.

Eve grabbed Oksana’s knees and pushed them up so they were bent on either side of Eve’s head and Oksana's legs were spread before her. Her mouth moved to her thigh, traveling down ever so slowly, one single, soft kiss at a time.

Oksana glared down at her. “Is this punishment? Because I teased you?”

“Yes. And not just when you were fucking me before, you said you were teasing me for months.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “You were teasing me, too.”

“No, I wasn’t. Not on purpose.”

“You’re not that dense, Eve.”

“Apparently I am.”

Oksana slammed her head back against the arm of the couch. “God, Eve, shut up. You said you’d make up to me. Make up to me.”

Eve grinned and placed a single kiss just above Oksana’s clit. Oksana slammed a fist into the couch cushion. 

“Eve-” 

Eve interrupted the beginning of her next objection. “Happy to.”

And then Eve’s tongue was on Oksana’s clit for real and Oksana whimpered as soon as she felt it. Her hands were back in Eve’s hair, pulling much harder than before. It hurt but it was a very satisfying pain, a clear indication of Oksana’s pleasure and her desperation. 

Eve swept her tongue up, down, circled it. She brought a hand between Oksana’s legs and ran a finger lightly across her entrance. Oksana shuddered. It was almost teasing, and it would have been if Eve had kept at it for more than a fraction of a second, but instead it was just a ghost of her previous taunting because she quickly slipped two fingers in. 

And Oksana cried out.

Her hips bucked against Eve and her eyes clenched tighter closed. “Faster,” she whispered. Eve obliged.

Any embarrassment Eve may have felt for how quickly she had orgasmed under Oksana’s hand disappeared when Oksana came almost as quickly. It was intensely satisfying. She relished in the evidence that Oksana had been just as wanting, that it seemed she had been waiting for it just as long and desperately as Eve had. Eve watched the last of the orgasm fade from Oksana’s face and then she pulled her hand away and ran her fingers down Oksana’s chest and stomach. They left wet trails behind them.

Suddenly Eve felt exhausted. She lay down, partially on Oksana, still between her legs. She clasped her hands across Oksana’s stomach and rested her head on top of them, let her eyes drift closed. Oksana hooked her legs tight around Eve’s back. She recognized that it was a somewhat strange position to be in, but in spite of that it was comfortable. The contact and the tight grip of Oksana’s legs against her was appealing. She could hear Oksana breathing hard and Eve’s own breathing wasn’t particularly slow either. After a moment she found her words.

“Oksana?”

“Yes?”

“Does casual have to mean only this once?”

Oksana gasped out a laugh, “God, I hope not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I missed posting yesterday, but I suspect this chapter was worth the wait


	9. Tell Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this chapter is also very explicit and not really vanilla so just know that and be aware and all that anyway have fun.

They’d had sex in Eve’s office six times. They’d had sex in Oksana’s office seven times.

It had been a week.

It was also the first week of classes so technically things were really busy and there were a lot of other things to get done. But they managed to find the time. They just had to fit it in around everything else.

Eve was walking down the hall towards her office when a hand reached out, grabbed her arm and pulled her into a supply closet. It was Oksana. Of course.

“What are you doing?” Eve hissed. She was half annoyed, half entertained.

“Kissing you,” Oksana informed her and she did just that. 

Eve kissed back for a moment and then pulled back laughing. “Why here? Why are we in a closet like teenagers in high school? My office is down the hall. Although, I will point out that we both have a meeting in twenty minutes.”

“They’re recarpeting.” Oksana kissed her again before Eve could respond.

“They’re recarpeting both of our offices?”

“They’re measuring yours, recarpeting mine.”

“Well, that’s awfully inconvenient.”

“Eve, shut up, I don’t want to talk about carpet.”

Oksana nipped lightly at her neck and Eve sucked in a breath. 

“Fine,” she said, “I know exactly what you do want, though.”

“Mmm, and what is that?” Oksana hummed against her ear.

“To be fucked senseless. As usual.” Eve said, with a smug smile.

She pushed Oksana back against one of the walls and dropped to her knees. Oksana was wearing a very attractive tight skirt, but Eve didn’t pause long to admire it, she simply shoved it roughly up to Oksana’s waist. Oksana groaned before Eve had even done anything more than that. 

“How long have you been waiting for this?” Eve asked, pushing aside the thong Oksana was wearing and dragging a finger across her. She was already soaking wet.

Oksana made a sound deep in her throat. “Uh...when did we last have sex?”

Eve snorted. “This morning. Like four hours ago.”

“Well, then I’ve been waiting for four hours.”

“You’re insatiable.”

“No,” Oksana said, winding her fingers through Eve’s hair. “I find that you satiate me very well. I just require more satiation right away.” Eve rolled her eyes and Oksana groaned in annoyance. “And I would very much like you to satiate me right now, Eve.”

“My pleasure.” 

She settled a hand on Oksana’s hip and ran her tongue across Oksana’s clit, pressing her fingers into Oksana’s as she did so. Oksana moaned and tightened her hold in Eve’s hair. Eve moved quickly, hard thrusts of her fingers, crooked in just the right place for Oksana, that she’d already become intimately familiar with. Smooth strokes of her tongue that brought Oksana to the edge within minutes.

Over the past week Eve had enjoyed learning the ways in which she could tease Oksana, bring her so close and then back down, tease her and play with her until she positively couldn’t take it any more and the orgasm she finally had was violent and long and shook her entire body. But there wasn’t time for that; they had a meeting. So it was a quick fuck in a supply closet but something about that, the extreme desire implied by such a thing and the almost adolescent stupidity of it, was deliciously enticing. 

Oksana cried out when she came and Eve slapped her lightly on the hip. “Quiet!” 

Oksana didn’t really seem to hear her but she did cover her own mouth with her hand and whimper into it. Eve stood up when she quieted and pulled the hand away from Oksana’s mouth, replacing it with her own lips. The kiss was sloppy, Oksana still slightly dazed from the orgasm, and Eve pulled away before long. 

“Okay, fix your skirt, we have a meeting,” she checked her watch, “in three minutes.” 

Oksana sucked in a deep breath and let it out. “But I need to do you.”

“You’ll just have to get me back later. We have to go act normal for Dr. Martens.”

Oksana nodded and pressed a hard kiss to Eve’s lips. “Tonight. Come over tonight, whenever you’re done with stuff here.”

Eve raised an eyebrow. “You sure? No hot plans tonight?”

Oksana kissed her again. “I think I’ll make you my hot plans for this particular night.” 

———-

They were late to the staff meeting. When they entered, Dr. Martens gave them a look as if she knew everyone in the room’s secrets, including their’s, but she couldn’t possibly care enough to comment. 

Oksana walked around the room to take a seat next to another empty chair. Eve couldn’t say whether it was for the purpose of allowing Eve to sit next to her or for the purpose of attracting attention as she circled the entire room after coming in late. Either way, Eve ignored it to the best of her ability and slipped into a seat close to the door.

After about an hour, Dr. Martens released the group for a short break and Eve made her way to the coffee and biscuits set up on a table in the corner of the room. It was no surprise at all that Oksana immediately appeared next to her, leaning on the table and staring at her with a quirky grin.

“Oksana, you have to stop looking at me like that,” Eve hissed, glancing over her shoulder as she spoke.

“Like what?”

“Like...like you’ve seen me naked. Like we just had sex in a supply closet.”

“But I have seen you naked. And we did just have sex in a supply closet.” Oksana was grinning like a child and it took all of Eve’s self control not to groan or pour a cup of coffee over the top of her head.

“Oksana. Behave.”

She rolled her eyes. “Boo.”

“Oksana.”

“Fine.” She flicked Eve on the cheek and returned to her seat. Eve crunched a paper cup in her fist.

———--

Oksana was already bright-eyed when she answered the door. She was wearing a silky dressing gown and Eve suspected she had nothing else on underneath it. Not that Eve was complaining. 

Oksana hooked her fingers through one of Eve’s belt loops and used it to pull Eve inside while she pushed the door shut with her other. Then she pressed Eve hard against the wall, hands gripping her waist, and kissed her.

“Hi,” she mumbled against Eve’s lips after a while.

Eve breathed out a laugh and wound her fingers through Oksana’s hair. “Hi.”

Oksana pulled back and wrapped her fingers around Eve’s wrist so she could drag her towards the bedroom. As soon as they were inside, she had Eve pressed right back against the wall again. Her lips were against Eve's once more and her hands cupped Eve’s face, fingers digging into her hairline and pulling strands of it out of her ponytail.

Oksana only broke away again when they were both out of breath, which was a good thing because Eve probably would have allowed the kiss to go on until she passed out, if such a thing was possible. Oksana used the pause to her advantage, though, and began undoing the first few buttons of Eve’s shirt. Her mouth found Eve’s neck and Eve’s hands splayed across Oksana’s back, pulling Oksana closer. Her breath came in short little huffs that flowed in time to the movements of Oksana’s lips across her throat.

“You know,” Eve gasped, “you asked me, a while back, what I was into.”

Oksana pulled away to look her. She was grinning. “Yes. Are you going to tell me now?” Eve swallowed hard. Oksana was so close Eve could feel her breath against her own lips. Her eyes were bright, pupils blown wide, breath coming as fast as Eve’s. “Tell me,” she whispered, her fingers squeezing in tight on Eve’s waist. 

“I want you to hurt me.”

There, she’d gotten the words out. Finally.

Oksana sucked in a breath and her hips rocked against Eve’s, pressing her harder against the wall. She leaned in and pressed kisses up Eve’s jawbone. Her teeth brushed against Eve’s skin. “How badly?” Her voice was breathy in Eve’s ear.

Eve’s eyes fluttered closed and her nails dug into Oksana’s upper arms, holding on, her legs starting to feel weak. “Whatever you want.”

Oksana laughed and another series of kisses ran down Eve’s neck. “I don’t think you want to say that. At least for now.”

“Your best judgment, then.” 

Oksana leaned her forehead against Eve’s so she could look her in the eyes. She studied Eve for a while pressing her lips tight together. “Okay,” she finally agreed, “but tell me to stop. If you need me to.”

“I will.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

Oksana nodded and then suddenly her eyes went black and she stepped back, grabbed Eve by her wrist and then collar of her shirt, and threw her onto the bed. Before Eve could even react, Oksana was kneeling on top of her and had her arms pinned above her head. Her grip was tight, more than just pressure; the hold of her fingers dug sharply into Eve’s wrist bones.

She stared down at her, eyes dark and unreadable. She leaned in close as if she was going to kiss Eve, her breath brushing against Eve’s lips. But then she pulled back, sitting back with her weight on Eve’s hips and reached over to pull something from the drawer of the nightstand. 

“You keep a knife in your bedside table?” Eve asked when she saw what it was.

“Shh.” Oksana told her, none of her usual humor behind the words. And then, as if to emphasize her point, she pressed the blade of the knife to Eve’s lips. Oksana’s face hovered just above her, just above the knife, and she was watching Eve so carefully, so critically, like a cat stalking a bird. 

Eve gasped.

“I wouldn’t move like that,” Oksana told her, and just a hint of a smile played on her lips. “The knife could slip…” She dragged the blade slowly down Eve’s lips and the touch was ever so light but Eve knew Oksana was right. If she jerked up suddenly or tried to fight the woman off, it would slice through her lip in an instant.

After a steadying breath, she found her words. She spoke them as slowly and softly as possible, but she still felt the blade press a little closer every time her lips moved. “Let it slip then.”

Oksana’s expression had remained almost entirely neutral since she’d first thrown Eve onto the bed. Not cold, exactly, but incredibly calm, confident, self-assured. Void of any significant fluctuations in expression of emotion or desire. But something flashed in her eyes for just a moment when Eve spoke. Her breath caught for just a fraction of a moment before she seemed to regain her composure.

There was a sharp flick of Oksana’s wrist and then the knife was tossed to the side and Oksana’s lips were on hers and Eve tasted blood. It barely even stung and Eve couldn’t tell if that was because Oksana had barely cut her or if it was because she was so distracted by Oksana's lips and tongue and the hands gripping her wrists.

And her teeth. Her teeth that sank into Eve’s lower lip. And then it hurt. But still, her groan wasn’t really out of pain.

Oksana pulled away and there was a smear of Eve’s blood across her chin. Eve’s lips were wet with it and her mouth tasted like iron. That faint smile danced across Oksana’s face again and despite it’s subtleness, the fact that she’d been holding back so much made the expression all the more intoxicating to see. 

Oksana released one of Eve’s wrists - kept a firm hold on the other - and ran her thumb roughly across Eve’s split lip. It stung, but the feeling between Eve’s legs was highly suggestive of the fact that she had no distaste for the pain. Oksana lifted her thumb up to examine it. A single drop of bright red blood was starting to roll down it and she watched it go with an almost completely neutral expression, just a hint of excitement lighting up her eyes.

Just as the drop of blood was about to run down onto her hand, Oksana reached out her tongue to wipe it out in a single long, smooth stroke. Eve turned her head and looked away. She couldn’t look at Oksana’s tongue. She couldn’t think about that. She was already unraveling inside. She knew she was probably blushing and even if she wasn’t, the rapid rise and fall of her chest was a dead give away to her mental state.   

Oksana ran the thumb across Eve’s cheek, digging her nail in as she went. Eve sucked in a breath and bit her lip, already forgetting the injury. She regretted it immediately when the metallic taste in her mouth was reinvigorated and she winced. Oksana chuckled.

“People are going to think you got into a fight with that split lip. Or I guess you can just tell them what kind of scandalous behavior you’ve been up to. Sex in your office, sex in a closet, sex on a balcony...letting another professor take a knife to you. And other stuff that I’ve yet to even fully decide on.”

Eve groaned. “I’ll worry about that later.”

Oksana grabbed Eve’s other wrist again and leaned forward so all her weight was pressing into them. “Too turned on to care, Eve?”

That pulled another groan from Eve’s throat. “Maybe just a little bit.”

Oksana chuckled. “I think it’s more than just a  _ little bit _ .”

She slipped her hand into Eve’s pants and ran two fingers against Eve. She smirked and Eve threw her head back against the bedspread, blush reigniting her cheeks. “Oh, Eve,” Oksana said, “You can’t be this wet and tell me you’re not turned out. You like when I hurt you and, in fact, you probably wish that I would hurt you more.”

Eve squirmed, fighting Oksana’s one-handed hold on her. In an instant, Oksana had both arms pinned again, harder than before.

“Look at me.” Eve did. “Don’t fight me. If you do, your lip won’t be the only thing that gets cut.” 

Eve didn’t move except for the rise and fall of her chest. Oksana cocked her head to the side and grinned. “On the other hand, perhaps I’d be better off threatening you with not being inured. Isn’t that right?”

Eve glared at her and Oksana laughed and kissed her. She sat back on her heels, surveying Eve. Despite being released, Eve remained still, with her arms above her head. In a sudden flash, Oksana had grabbed the knife again and slit the front of Eve’s shirt open. Eve stiffened immediately, prepared for the sharp pain of the knife against her skin, but it didn’t come. She felt the blade dance across her stomach, bringing goosebumps to the surface, but it wasn’t quite close enough to cut. 

Oksana moved closer and whispered in her ear. “Oops. Did I scare you, Eve?”

Eve shook her head. “No.”

Oksana clicked her tongue in disapproval. “Lying, Eve. Lying is bad. Makes me mad.”

They stared at each other in silence for a while.

“Is that why you’re doing this?” Eve asked. “You’re still mad at me for yelling at you, so you want to hurt me?”

Oksana narrowed her eyes. “Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know.”

“I did want to hurt you, then, because I was angry. I wanted to slap you. I wanted to strangle you. I decided you made it up to me though, after...about the tenth orgasm. But I still want to hurt you, yes. I still want to do those same things. For different reasons though. Not because I’m angry.”

Eve’s breath quickened. 

“Then why aren’t you? Doing those things.”

Oksana’s eyes looked delighted, but the small smile on her lips seemed slightly cruel. 

And then her hand hit Eve’s face. And then her other hand hit the opposite cheek. And again. 

Eve sucked in a breath, cheeks stinging, tears in her eyes blurring her vision. She could see Oksana through them, leaning over her, grinning and watching her reaction carefully. 

“Like that, Eve?”

Eve’s ragged breathing muddled her words, but she managed to get them out. “Yes, like that.”

Oksana’s lips were on hers before her breath was back. The kiss was fierce, passionate, and..angry. But not angry, no. Oksana had said she wasn't angry and Eve believed her. It didn’t feel angry the way her tongue pressed into Eve’s mouth and her teeth tore at Eve’s lip and her hands grabbed at Eve’s shirt and bra, pulling them from her body.

It felt like desperation and want. 

Oksana kissed her way down Eve’s neck and when she made it to her collarbone she bit down on it, hard. Eve bit back a sob. That was at least going to bruise and that was the best case scenario; she wasn’t entirely sure Oksana’s teeth hadn’t broken skin.

The pain had yet to entirely clear Eve’s brain when Oksana’s teeth were on her nipple. She twisted it between them and that hurt too, of course, but it was a more delicate kind of pain, more directly sensual. Eve found her hands traveling down to Oksana, to her hair, to her shoulders. 

“Why are you wearing a shirt?” she mumbled. 

Oksana lifted her head just enough that she could grin at Eve over the curve of her breast. “Because I’m in charge.” And then she bit down again and Eve lost her train of thought.

Oksana yanked Eve’s pants off of her and bit down hard on Eve’s inner thigh. Eve winced and grabbed handfuls of the comforter in her fists. Oksana bit down again. And again. In different locations, up and down both thighs. Bruises, bruises, all the marks would bruise. Brilliant, blue and black and green bruises.

Eve couldn’t wait to see them. 

And then the teeth were gone, Oksana’s touch was gone and Eve was just about to open her eyes to see what had happened when she felt Oksana’s fingers inside of her. She let out the loudest moan she’d ever heard from herself and maybe would have been embarrassed if she could form a single coherent thought.

Oksana’s fingers crooked in her and Eve bucked her hips, desperate for the touch and pressure and sensation. She was on the verge of begging for more, for Oksana’s tongue or more of her touch, or really anything at all. But it seemed Oksana could anticipate her words and what she was in need of; her face probably displayed every bit of her desperation. 

So before Eve could cry out for it, Oksana’s mouth was on her and her fingers moved within Eve in time with the strokes of her tongue. Eve’s mind was blank of thought and on fire at the same time. Her vision became white behind her eyes with little pinpricks of light bursting across it and she was coming. Her hands were somewhere gripping the bed or seeking Oksana’s hair, she couldn’t really tell. Her surroundings were far, far distant, the only real sensation was Oksana and her lips and her fingers and  _ her _ .

Oksana carried her through the orgasm, steadily slowing her strokes as Eve’s body began to relax and her cries faded out into quiet whimpers and then just heavy breathing. Oksana crawled up to Eve and hovered over her.

“Look at me, Eve.”

Eve forced her eyes open, blinking several times to clear her vision. Oksana’s face was bright and blissful, her smile wide and filling her whole face.

“Welcome back,” she said, when she saw Eve’s eyes open. 

Eve breathed out a sigh and reached up to brush her fingers across Oksana’s wet lips. “Hi,” she mumbled. It was the only word she could get out. 

Oksana laughed and flopped down next to her, draping an arm across her waist. “You’re definitely not fully back.”

“Mmm. No.”

Oksana kissed her on her neck, just below her ear. “That’s fine, take your time.”

Eve felt normal again soon enough. Her heart rate slowed, her breathing returned to normal, the lights were no longer blindingly bright. Her thoughts cleared.

She sat up in the bed and began looking around for her clothes. She spotted the sliced shirt on the floor. 

“I probably should get going. But I think I’ll need to borrow a shirt.”

“Hmm?” Oksana was sprawled lazily on the bed and turned her head to look at Eve. “I can get you something tomorrow. But you don’t need to go, you can spend the night.”

Eve swallowed. She’d never spent the night before. She’d always left after they had sex and when Oksana had come to her place she’d also left afterwards. 

“That’s okay. I know you don’t like people staying over.”

Oksana furrowed her brow. “I never said that.”

“Yes, you did. When you told me about that girl who cried, you said you don’t really like to have people sleep over.”

“Well, yeah, in general. But I never said that to you.”

“Oh.”

Oksana was looking at her intently. “You can stay, Eve.” She paused and when Eve didn’t respond she rolled over and laid a hand on Eve’s. “I’d like you to stay.” Her expression was serious and something undefinable and slightly tense hung in the silence following her statement. Then Oksana broke the moment with a grin. “I would like to see those bruises tomorrow. And make sure any skin I broke is clean.”

“Okay.”

“Good, now come back to bed.” Oksana tugged on Eve’s arm, pulling her back towards the center of the mattress.

Eve wrapped an arm around Oksana's waist and ran a hand down her back.

“Will you take off your clothes now?”

Oksana sighed dramatically. “I suppose. If you would like.”

“I would like that. Very much so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a plot here and there will continue to be a plot but I do have a couple upcoming chapters that are kind of just...4 lines of plot and otherwise could probably be skipped unless you want smut. Which I will mark ahead of time for those of you who might not want that. But for those of you who do I am open to suggestions as to what kinds of things you might like to see in those chapters. (And if you’d rather that be anonymous you’re welcome to message me on tumblr @thesilverstaganddoe)


	10. Hx & Dx

As was becoming typical, Oksana appeared in Eve’s office on an early Monday afternoon and plopped herself down in the extra chair next to Eve’s desk.

“Well, hello there,” Eve said without looking away from her screen.

“What are you doing?” Oksana asked without preamble. “It looks boring. I can suggest something better.”

Eve looked sideways at her. “I’m sure you can, but I have to finish this lecture.” 

Oksana leaned on the arm of Eve’s chair so she could read the powerpoint slides on Eve’s computer.

“Hmm. Antisocial personality disorder. Characteristics of psychopathy. Interesting.”

“Yes.”

“You know a lot about that, don’t you? It was your speciality at MI6.”

“Yes, it was. Did I tell you that? I didn’t think I did.”

“No...I googled you.”

That earned her Eve’s attention.

“You did? When?”

“After I watched your lecture. I was curious. The videos of you from that big case years ago said that you were a profiler and you specialized in serial killers with psychopathic traits.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Oksana nodded and leaned back in her chair with her hands behind her head. She didn’t say anything for a while, and Eve returned to her typing. Then she rather suddenly broke the silence.

“You know I was diagnosed with that.” She said it completely casually, as if she was simply commenting on the weather.

“What?” Eve stopped typing and swiveled her chair to look at Oksana.

“Well, not exactly, you generally can’t give that diagnosis to a child. It was implied though, I was given the preliminary child versions of that diagnosis, at least. The psychologist in primary school diagnosed me with Oppositional Defiant Disorder when I was six. I overheard them talking to my parents and went and looked it up in the library. And then after my parents died, before I was sent to boarding school, I got assessed again. They never said anything to me but I stole my file and in there it said I had Conduct Disorder. Apparently, they were supposed to keep a close eye on me. Well, and then when I left the firm - or, more accurately, was ‘encouraged’ to retire - there was some sort of implication that they thought something was...wrong with me in that regard. I don’t really know why they would care though. I think it was useful for what they were trying to do there.”

Oksana fell silent and stared at Eve, waiting for her reaction. 

“But...that doesn’t make sense. You’re not like that.”

Oksana smiled just a bit and there was something achingly heavy about it. Tired, maybe even a bit sad. “Am I really not though, Eve? You’ve never thought that I was...at least a little bit off? You've never jokingly told me not to be an ass, but really meant it and had no comprehension of how I could be that much of a jerk, how I could have so little empathy for other people? Something I did never creeped you out just a little bit?”

Eve glanced away. There had been moments. Occasional ones, brief flashes where Oksana threw her off. But they were always over so soon and then Oksana would be back to being funny and charming and wonderful. Eve had never been concerned. Not really. She did remember when she’d first met Oksana and there had been something unsettling about her. Something small and indescribable, something about her eyes or her expression. But it, too, had been gone in a moment and Eve had forgotten it until the topic brought it back into the light.

Oksana spoke again, her voice softer, “You called me manipulative, that time you yelled at me.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Eve forced herself to look at Oksana, trying to show her that she was telling the truth. 

Oksana briefly closed her eyes, pressed her lips together, and shook her head head. “I think you did.” 

When she looked at Eve again her stare was penetrating. She was clearly trying hard to maintain a cool expression, holding strong to a lighthearted half-smile. But it looked fake and it wasn’t hard to notice the slight tremble to her lips or the pained look lingering behind her cool demeanor. 

Eve didn’t respond, so Oksana continued, “And you’re right. I am manipulative. I manipulate people on purpose and I’m okay with that, Eve. That’s what made me especially angry. That you were right, at least about that. And that you said it like it was such a terrible thing.”

Eve studied her, trying and failing to read her. “Is that...is that what this is? You and I? You’re just manipulating me and I don’t even realize it?”

Oksana looked taken aback and a little horrified. “No. No, Eve, not at all. If that’s what I was doing, we would have slept together the first night we met. I wanted you to genuinely like me, by yourself.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said you don’t think there’s anything wrong with manipulating people, so why not do it to me?”

Oksana shrugged and her eyes drifted across the room. She looked like she was having a hard time coming up with an answer. “I don’t think it’s wrong to use your skills to work people in order to get what you want. But it’s fake and I know it’s fake. It’s not as fun. I like when you come to me, when you beg me, when you tell me what you want. It wouldn’t be the same if I’d led you to those things. I like...attention. Real attention.”

Eve didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure what to say. Oksana leaned forward, looking at her in earnest.

“Do you believe that, Eve?”

Eve studied her face. “Yes,” she said finally. And she did believe it. Oksana nodded, clearly satisfied. Eve continued, “But that’s not the whole story. No one would have diagnosed you with those things just because you were a manipulative kid. And you’re not running around committing violent crimes and getting yourself involved in scandals and other trouble. Unless there’s a lot that I don’t know about.”

Oksana sighed. “No. Not now. I’ve come a long way, I’ve learned to control myself. But when I was younger...yeah, I behaved like that. I killed cats as a child, that’s cliche isn't it? I didn’t skin them, though, I dissected them. I liked black ones especially, something about the drama of it. I was a total kleptomaniac, I stole anything and everything I could get my hands on it. I was really good at it. I had all sorts of nice clothes and fancy jewelry as a teenager and lots of stupid, little toys when I was younger. Also snatched all my classmates pocket money and rock collections and whatever else they had in their pockets. I had a whole collection of wallets, for no good reason, just to have them and prove that I could.”

Oksana stopped and waited for Eve to say something, but Eve was busy processing and had no response, so eventually Oksana just continued. “I beat up kids on the playground, whenever someone said something nasty to me or was just annoying or whatever. I had a friend back then, or at least something close to a friend, and a kid broke this porcelain doll she had. So I broke his nose. No one really talked to me after that, including her. Supposedly they were scared of me. After my parents died, I set a house in town on fire. They never proved it was me, but I think everyone suspected. They sent me to the boarding school after that.”

Eve reacted to that, giving Oksana an only somewhat constrained look of horror.

Oksana immediately defended herself. “No one died! It was an old, empty house. They were about to tear it down, anyway. I really probably did them a favor.” 

Eve stared at her and realized it was exactly one of the moments Oksana had been talking about, where she couldn’t entirely comprehend how Oksana could have just said what she said and truly believed it. But she really seemed to think there was nothing wrong with her statement.

“I...think they would disagree,” Eve told her. It was the only thing she could think to say.

Oksana shrugged. “Yes, they seemed to.”

Silence hung heavy in the air. Ultimately, it was Eve who broke the tension.

“But you said it’s not like that anymore?”

“No, not since boarding school.”

“What changed?”

“I wanted...some semblance of normality. I wanted what other people had. Well, something like it. I wanted more exciting than most people, but something close to normal. And I realized that if I wanted that I had to...act normal. Or at least try to.”

“And you just did? Overnight?”

“Kind of. For the big stuff, pretty much. It took a while to shake the stealing and anger outbursts. But basically, yeah. And I know I’m still manipulative, like I told you. But that’s fine.” Eve nodded. “You know, nothing in my head changed, though. I still think like that. I still…want those things. I just don’t act on them. I behave myself.”

Eve studied her fingernails. “Everyone has dark thoughts sometimes.”

Eve had dark thoughts sometimes.

“I suppose so”

“It’s your actions that matter.”

“I’d like to think that.”

The silence fell again and Eve plucked at a hangnail. It was an avalanche of information and she didn’t even know where to begin in regards to dealing with it.

“I...don’t really know why I’m telling you this, you’ll probably be done with me after hearing it.”

Eve jerked her head up to look at Oksana. “I have no desire to be done with you.”

Oksana met Eve’s gaze and allowed a small smile to form on her lips. “Are you sure about that? Because it would probably be the smart thing, you know.”

Eve shrugged her shoulders. “Well, you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You have taken a knife to me, but I liked that so if that’s a symptom of this then I guess I'll just have to be cool with it.”

Oksana grinned. “You know that it’s probably also evidence that you’re a bit fucked up yourself, right?”

Eve sighed. “Yes, probably.” 

Oksana got up and came over to Eve’s seat, placing her hands on the armrests and leaning over her to whisper in her ear. “Do you want me to do it again?”

Eve’s pulse sped up instantly. 

“Yes.” The answer didn’t take a second thought. 

Oksana’s breath ghosted her neck, sending goosebumps across Eve’s skin. 

“Hmm, well, unfortunately you’ll have to wait. But I’ll remember to bring something sharp in the future.”

And then, before Eve could respond, Oksana pushed herself away and headed for the door. She winked at Eve over her shoulder and left. Eve sat there in silence, far too flustered to even think about returning to her work.

————

Sitting in bed later that night, Eve drummed her fingers against her laptop and mulled things over in her mind. Eventually she opened up a browser tab and logged into the university’s journal article database. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment and then she typed in “functional psychopathy”. The search turned up 4,689 results. 

The majority of them were in regards to functional neuroimaging of people with antisocial personality disorder or varying levels of psychopathic traits, but Eve eventually found one that got at what she was looking for: “Challenging the ‘urban myth’ of psychopathy untreatability”. She bit her tongue and opened it.

She skimmed the beginning and it told her much of what she already knew from her past work. The majority of the literature to date showed that there was no effective treatment. People with psychopathic traits, especially those that appeared in early childhood, did not get “better”, they did not improve. If anything, they got worse with time. 

But the article was different than most of what she had read in the past. It challenged the validity of the old research and, not only that, it suggested that some sort of improvement could occur. Of course, it was reviewing a specific, very intensive treatment program. Oksana had done nothing of the sort, so Eve couldn’t really make a comparison - and maybe she was being naive to do so. But the description of the techniques used in the program had a striking resemblance to what Oksana had told her about the work she’d done to push herself in the direction of normalcy. At no point did the program ever try to change the thought processes of the people in the study; rather they simply taught them ways to control and change their behavior. 

It was what Oksana had claimed she had successfully done. And, at least in that study, there was evidence that it was something that worked.

Eve saved the article and pushed her laptop to the side. She rolled over, wrapped her arms around her pillow, and closed her eyes. She fell asleep without turning off the lights and slept fitfully through the night, dreaming of Oksana holding a knife to her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this is too much of my inner psychology student coming out but yeah this is a topic I'm into. Also that's a real article and it's a good one if you like reading that stuff (Wilson & Tamatea, 2013). Technically it's published like two months after this chapter would actually be occurring but I'll just ignore that or pretend Eve had early access somehow. Those details are probably way too nitpicky to be important.  
> ANYWAY hope you enjoyed.


	11. You're You

Late on a lazy Saturday morning in early February, Eve found herself knocking on Oksana’s apartment door. When Oksana didn’t answer, Eve, without really thinking about it, pushed it open. It was, of course, unlocked, which was typical of Oksana. She rarely seemed to have a care in the world. 

Oksana poked her head over the top of the couch when she heard Eve’s voice. She was sprawled there on her stomach wearing the dark blue, silken dressing gown that Eve had become more the slightly familiar with over the past few weeks.

“Hi, Eve. I did not know you were coming over.” 

“I texted you, but I guess you didn’t see it. I was just hoping I could get a copy of that packet of materials from Dr. Marten’s presentation on Friday.”

“Ah, yes...I do not know where my phone is.”

Eve heard a door open from across the apartment and looked up to see a woman she did not recognize emerging from Oksana’s bedroom.

Oh.

The woman froze when she saw Eve and her eyes drifted back and forth between the two of them and eventually settled on Oksana.

“Uh...thank you...for…”

Oksana raised an eyebrow. “For the sex?”

“Yes.” The woman stared at her feet. So did Eve. Oksana looked entirely unbothered.

Without another word, the woman hurried towards to door and Eve took at step forward so they wouldn’t brush up against each other. 

As soon as the door closed, Oksana made a face at Eve. “I couldn’t remember her name. Could you tell?”

Eve just blinked at her. She knew Oksana was sleeping with other people, obviously. It was casual, they weren’t exclusive, there was nothing wrong with that. It was just...very awkward to actually run into them. And especially strange that Oksana didn’t seem to notice that it was awkward. 

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t tend to remember names.”

“You remembered my name after we first slept together.” Eve said it before she could think about it and determine if it was really the most appropriate comment. It seemed to confuse Oksana more than anything. 

“Well, of course. You’re you. They’re just hook-ups.”

Eve somehow felt even more uncomfortable than she had before.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come over, I didn’t realize you had someone staying over.”

“It’s fine. And they weren’t really staying over the night we only got here a few hours ago.” 

Eve glanced at her watch, but before she had time to actually do that math, she heard the bedroom door open again. 

It was a different girl.

Eve stared at Oksana, who feigned a sheepish grin.

The second girl didn’t even attempt to say a goodbye and just quickly slipped out the door.

“My God, Oksana, you’re a nymphomaniac.” 

“I’m just enjoying myself.” She popped up from the couch and headed for the kitchen. “I am going to make a smoothie for breakfast. Would you like a smoothie, Eve?”

“I don’t think it’s really breakfast if you haven’t gone to sleep yet.”

“Anything can be breakfast, Eve.”

Eve rolled her eyes and Oksana paused throwing things in a blender so she could study her over the island.

“Are you jealous, Eve? Don’t be jealous. I thought about calling you, but it didn’t really seem like your kind of thing. And you were probably asleep at six in the morning. Would you have wanted me to?

“I…”

“I can call you next time, if you like. It’s a lot of fun, I promise.”

“I…”

“I will text you and you can decide then.”

Eve blinked twice. “Okay.” Oksana grinned. “Here, the smoothie is almost ready. It is strawberries and mango, you will like it.” 

Eve accepted the smoothie and Oksana was right, it was delicious. 

After she'd finished, she rinsed the glass off in the sink and glanced over at Oksana sitting at the counter flipping through a clothing catalogue.  

“Well, if you have that packet, I can get out of your hair. Or I can grab it later, whatever.”

Oksana looked up at her, seeming surprised.

“You don’t want to stay? We can watch movies, I recorded a bunch of really dumb stuff, it would fill the entire day. And I have all sorts of snacks. Five flavors of popcorn!”

“Um…” Eve fiddled with the zipper on her coat. “Shouldn’t you sleep? It sounds like you had a long night.”

Oksana gave her a chipper grin. “I feel fine! I want to watch movies.” She did, indeed, look wide awake. Oksana pushed her glass over to Eve. “Will you wash it for me? I will start the TV.”

Eve nodded and took the glass, while Oksana wandered back to the living room area and began fiddling with the remote. Apparently, Eve was going to stay.

Oksana called to her, “What do you want to watch? I have true crime shows and old horror films, like The Shining and some other. And some stupid shit like The Princess Bride. Have you seen that? I think it’s supposed to be very stupid.”

Eve came to stand behind Oksana sitting on the couch and looked through the list on the TV screen. “It’s not stupid, it’s sweet.”

“I think sweet is probably stupid.”

“Well, then you won’t like it.”

“I think I will. Stupid is funny.”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Okay. Whatever you say. But don’t blame me if you get bored.”

She settled down in the arm chair that was to the side of Oksana’s couch and Oksana immediately gave her a critical look. 

“Eve, why would you sit there? You cannot see the TV properly at that angle, it will ruin the movie. Come sit on the couch with me.”

Eve was finding the situation slightly uncomfortable for no clearly discernible reason.  

“Um, okay.”

Oskana patted the spot next to her, clearly slightly annoyed with what she considered to Eve’s poor movie watching decision making, and Eve sat herself down in the desired location. 

It was fine. She’d watch the movie, head home after. No big deal. There was no reason to feel weird. Oksana had just made it awkward with her hypersexual shenanigans. Which was typical Oksana, as usual. 

———-

Oksana mocked the majority of the movie. About halfway through, she found her favorite point of criticism. 

“Why does he keep saying ‘as you wish’? Does he have no original thoughts? Does it mean something? Is there a secret code or something here?”

“Why would you assume it’s a code?”

“I don’t know, it’s better than him being unoriginal. But he probably is. The movie is stupid, I told you it would be.”

“It does mean something. Do you want me to tell you what it is?”

“Is it relevant to the ending?”

“I guess, kind of.”

“Then, no. I want to be surprised. I’ll bet it’s a code.”

“I wouldn’t really call it a code, exactly.”

“Eve, no clues! I want to be surprised.”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

“You should have said ‘as you wish’.”

Eve’s stomach flipped. “I think I’m fine with what I said.”

Oksana shrugged. “As you wish.”

Eve sighed out a breath, hissing through her front teeth. “You probably shouldn’t say that until you know it’s underlying meaning.”

“I assume it’s funny. Either intentionally or in a stupid way. So regardless I am good with it.”

Eve closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

Oksana was a very difficult person.

———-

“I don’t understand,” Oksana said when the movie finished.

“What do you mean?”

“You said there was some meaning behind the ‘as you wish' thing.”

“Well, yeah they told you. He way telling her he loved her when he said it.”

“But, why?”

“What? Because he loved her.”

“Well, yeah. But why does that mean ‘I love you’.”

Eve’s stomach felt very weird. “I...don’t know how to explain this.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “Whatever, I thought that movie was strange. Except for that rat, I liked that rat. We will watch a cartoon next. One with animals.” She crawled over the back of the couch and went back into the kitchen. “I’m getting the popcorn. And ordering a pizza. What do you want on it? Nevermind, I shall get several.”

Eve lay her head back against the couch, trying to figure out how she felt more tired than Oksana seemed.

———

Apparently, Oksana was at least somewhat exhausted from her sleepless night filled with...exuberant activities. She fell asleep halfway through the third animal cartoon, after eating a bag of caramel corn and several pieces of pizza.

More specifically, she fell asleep and eventually slipped over until she was snoring slightly on Eve’s lap.

Eve wasn’t really sure what to do about that. 

Oksana's dressing gown had slipped open quite a bit and Eve could see the full curve of her breasts and the smooth skin between them stretching down across her stomach towards her hips where the belt of the gown just barely held the fabric across her. 

It wasn’t a big deal, by any means. Eve had seen her naked more times than she could possibly count at that point. But somehow it felt...far too intimate. 

And yet, she let Oksana lay there. She thought about leaving, wondered if it was the right thing to do. It might have made her feel better, might have been less awkward in the somewhat ambiguous situation. But Oksana looked so peaceful, so exhausted, the Eve couldn't bring herself to disturb her. So she just turned on another film and let her sleep. 

Night had just started to fall when Oksana finally drifted awake. She blinked sleep from her eyes slowly and then finally seemed to notice the dark that had settled around her. “Oh,” she said, pushing herself up into a sitting position, “I fell asleep.”

“Yes, you did. For several hours,” Eve said, hitting pause on the TV. She’d moved on to one of the murder documentaries and the screen was filled with blood. Oksana didn’t seem to notice or care.

Oksana swept some sleep dust from her eye with a long finger. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It was probably good for you.”

“Eh.”

She got up and stretched and the gown slipped further away from her body. Eve’s eyes involuntarily followed the fabric as it fell. Oksana turned to look at her and caught her gaze before Eve could look away. She grinned and stretched again, a much more purposefully sensual display.

“Were you checking me out while I slept, Eve?”

Eve knew she was blushing. “No.”

Oksana plopped herself on Eve’s lap, hands on her shoulders. The gown was no longer doing anything in terms of coverage. “I think you’re lying. I know you like my body.”

Eve sighed, not bothering to even pretend anymore, and slipped her hands under the fabric, so she could settle them on Oksana’s bare waist.

“Maybe I was.”

“Mmmhm.” 

Oksana leaned in and wrapped her arms around Eve’s neck, pressing a kiss to her lips. It was slow and soft, gentler than was typical for Oksana. She pulled away and got back up, pulling Eve with her by the hand. 

“Come in here,” she said, heading towards the bedroom. 

Eve, of course, followed without question. 

Oksana pushed her down onto the bed, but it wasn’t with her usual strength, more lighthearted and playful than anything. She still seemed slightly dazed from her nap, but happily crawled on top of Eve anyway, quick to bring their lips back together and fumble for the buttons on Eve’s shirt. Her kisses were a bit sloppy, but still in no way lacking their usual passion. 

She had the shirt pushed halfway off Eve’s shoulders when she paused and planted her hands on either side of Eve's chest and leaned her forehead against Eve’s. Her eyes drifted closed and she sighed. 

Eve ran her fingers down Oksana’s spine and felt goosebumps rise up on her skin.

“Are you okay?”

She hummed and nodded. “Yes, very good. I just got tired for a moment. I will perk up now.” 

Eve laughed lightly and rested her hands against Oksana’s sides. “You’ve slept like four hours in the past 48 hours. You should be tired. We can just sleep, you know. We don’t have to have sex.”

“Mmm, but I want to fuck you.” She pressed kisses down the side of Eve’s neck and pushed her hands under Eve’s bra so she could cup her breasts. 

“We could do that tomorrow.” 

“Mmm.” She nipped lightly at Eve’s earlobe and her fingers dug into Eve’s breasts a little more. “Maybe.”

“Go to sleep, Oksana, it’s okay.”

Instead of answering right away, she kissed Eve’s neck again, long and slow, and her lips rested against Eve’s neck even after the kiss had passed. Eve felt them move against her skin as Oksana mumbled, “You will be here for sex in the morning, yes?”

Eve laughed and wrapped her arms around Oksana’s waist, pulling her closer. It pressed their hips together a bit and Oksana rolled her hips against Eve’s immediately and sighed.

“Yes. I will be here for sex in the morning.”

Oksana nodded against Eve’s neck and relaxed completely, dropping her full body weight on top of Eve. 

“Are you going to sleep on top of me?”

Oksana nodded again.

Eve let it go. Based on the sound of Oksana’s heavy breathing, she was asleep within minutes. Eve fell asleep, fully clothed, not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it count as fluff if they aren’t actually in a relationship?
> 
> I’m sorry if you haven’t watched The Princess Bride, I’m not sure how much sense those references will make if you haven’t but yeah if you have you’ll understand exactly how oblivious Oksana is. 
> 
> I’m back in school so I may have to move to an every other day posting schedule but I’ll see how things go over the next week


	12. Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special edition smutty, kinky Oksana POV chapter, enjoy!

“Okay, so...I hope this isn’t a really awkward question but...what do friends with benefits do on Valentine's day?”

It was a good question. It hadn’t really occurred to Oksana, she hadn’t even realized the holiday was coming up. If she’d ever thought about it, she considered it ridiculous and frivolous holiday, but now that Eve mentioned it she realized that she certainly wanted to do something. She took a moment, as if she was considering the question, but the answer really did come to mind fairly. Only one answer was really appropriate in their circumstances, after all.

“I don’t know. We could have sex.”

“We do that most days.”

“Yes.” Oksana grinned. “We’ll have to find something new and fun to try. I have ideas.” 

Eve blushed hard. “Oh my god.”

“Are you declining?”

“No, not at all.”

Oksana leaned in briefly to bite at Eve’s earlobe. “It’ll be great.” She settled back onto the couch, tossing her feet over Eve’s lap. “I won’t get you chocolates, though. Or those stuffed bears that hold hearts. Those are stupid even if you are in a relationship.” She paused and reconsidered for a moment. “Actually, you know what, I will get you chocolate. Chocolate is great for everyone, every day and there’s this place I haven’t been to in much too long. But I will also eat much of the chocolate I get you myself.” 

Oksana loved chocolate. Oksana loved all food.

Eve laughed. “Okay, I accept that.”

“Do you want chocolate syrup on your body?”

Eve stared at her. “Do I want what?”

“Chocolate syrup on your body. That I would lick off. Like on your stomach and tits. I’m not talking about as a weird flavored lube or something, that would be bad, you would get an infection.”

“I...don’t have a particular desire for that. Unless you’re wanting that to happen?”

“I would probably be apathetic about it, I think licking your nipples is just fine on it’s own. I was just asking. I could get chocolate syrup also when I got chocolates.

Eve had been continually blushing harder and harder for the past several minutes but the conversation didn't bother Oksana. Eve was much more easily flustered. Oksana nodded, satisfied. 

“Yes, good. I shall go shopping at we shall make a day of it. Clear plans. When is it? I forget.”

“Thursday, I think.” Eve kind of mumbled her answer and she wasn’t looking at Oksana for some reason. 

“Hmm. We have class. Perhaps we should be sick.”

Eve gave her a look. 

“Seriously?”

Oksana grinned.

“Yes. Be wild.”

Eve let out a long sigh.

“I guess it is cold season.”

Oksana squealed and crawled into her lap.

“Yes, fun! I am excited.”

——-

Oksana sent out an email to her Thursday students the night before the holiday to tell them she was ill and canceling class. She figured they might very well see right through that and guess that she had some very different plans, but she didn’t really care. It would probably seem within her character and, besides, a fair number of them would probably very much also enjoy having the day off as well.

The day before, she’d stopped by a chocolate shop that she hadn’t been to in ages but remembered being quite delighted by at the time. The man at the counter had raised his eyebrows at her bill and complimented her for going all out for “a very special someone”. She’d been very quick to inform one that she absolutely did not have a special someone and she was most definitely single. He’d faltered for a moment and then backtracked and said that he understood, chocolate certainly made it easier to spend the day alone. She’d been just as quick to inform he that was absolutely not spending the day alone.

He shut up after that.

She’d left the shop feeling more than slightly irritated. She snapped at a little boy that got in her way, ate several truffles during the cab ride home, and only stopped herself because she wanted to make sure plenty were left for the next day. 

Around seven the next morning, the earliest she figured was reasonable, she deposited herself on Eve’s doorstep. Judging by Eve’s sleepy expression and the rumpled sleep shirt she answered the door in, she was not nearly as big of a fan of the early hour as Oksana was.

“Hello, Eve! Happy sex day!”

Oksana had woken up early enough and with enough motivation to put a lot more thought into her dress than the barely awake, not yet really dressed, Eve clearly had. She’d picked out one her favorite extremely gay outfits, khaki pants, a button down shirt, and a tie. She also had a sweater tied across her shoulders, but it kind of annoyed her and she intended to dump it as soon as Eve let her inside. 

Eve rubbed one of her eyes with the back of her hand and leaned on the door.

“Why does sex day have to start this early?”

Oksana pushed past her into the apartment. “Because we have lots to do.” 

She headed straight for the living room and plopped down on Eve’s couch. Eve wandered behind and settled down beside her.

“I got things,” Oksana told her, dropping the rather large shopping bag she’d been carrying on Eve’s lap.

Eve pulled it open and began rifling through it, pulling out the multiple chocolate boxes first and rolling her eyes.

“You’re ridiculous,” she told her.

“I told you I’d get chocolate. They are very good chocolates. I may have already eaten some.”

Eve snorted and set them on the table. “Of course.”

She returned to the bag and her eyes widened and she pulled out the empty strap-on packaging Oksana had left in the bottom of the bag. She looked over at Oksana who gave her a mischievous grin. Eve’s eyes traveled down her body, finally landing on Oksana’s crotch and the slight, but unmistakable bulge in the front of her trousers.

Eve was definitely no longer looking sleepy.

She blinked several times but didn't seem to know quite what to say. Oksana found Eve’s expression and lack of ability to find words very satisfying. She took Eve's hand and guided it to her lap. Without any more prompting, Eve’s hand cupped at the bulge.

And then, in a fraction of an instant, she reacted. 

She straddled Oksana’s lap, hands pulling her face close and their lips together. The ends of her fingers tangled in Oksana’s hair, tugging strands out of the carefully arranged bun. Her hips ground down hard on her. Oksana responded happily, rolling her hips up to meet Eve’s and slipping her hands under Eve’s shirt to dig her fingers into Eve’s waist.

She let the kiss continue for a while longer, let Eve have some control over it, just enjoyed pull of her lips and the way all the parts of Eve’s body pressed into her, begging for contact. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she slid her hands further up Eve’s shirt, tracing along her skin, brushing up over her breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra, naturally, and that was something Oksana greatly appreciated. She loved Eve’s breasts, her skin, her body. She hated any piece of clothing that kept them apart. 

Oksana pulled the shirt over Eve’s head as quickly as she could, so as to break the kiss for least amount of time necessary. Eve’s lips were back on her’s in an instant, fiercer than before, hungry and stronger, her tongue pressing into Oksana’s mouth. Her hands traveled down to Oksana’s shoulders, gripping and pulling, tugging her closer against her body. 

Oksana wrapped an arm around Eve’s waist and used it to pull her back away from her just enough that she had room to pinch one of Eve’s nipples between her fingers. They’d already been completely hard, well before Oksana got her hands on them, but Eve’s reaction still came, in the form of a gasp that was almost a moan. It made her falter in her passionate pursuit of Oksana’s mouth and gave Oksana the opportunity to take control of the exchange. She bit down on Eve’s lower lip and pulled their lips back together. 

Eve let Oksana lead the rest of the kiss, seeming too distracted to do so herself. She clearly had another focus, as her hands left Oksana’s shoulders and dropped to Oksana’s belt. She had a bad time fumbling with it and eventually Oksana pushed her hands away.

“Having a hard time? Little distracted?” Oksana teased her.

“Shut up,” Eve muttered. But she let Oksana undo it for her. She went for the button and zipper herself, though, and had a fine time with those. Oksana shoved her pants off and Eve obediently lifted her hips just enough to give her the room to do so. 

And then the harness and dildo were on full display and Eve was unable to look away. Oksana smirked. Eve ran a finger along one of the straps, seeming to be carefully avoiding the toy itself.

“Is this new?”

“Yes. I mean, I already have several, of course, but I saw this one and it looked very nice, I had to have it.”   
  
Oksana had lube in the bag but she needn’t have brought it. Eve was plenty wet without it, soaked through the underwear that she roughly shoved aside before her fingers wrapped around the toy, positioning it and then pushing herself onto it with a sharp thrust of her hips. 

The way she moaned in that instant sent an incredible thrill through Oksana’s spine and between her legs. She bucked her own hips against Eve and as Eve cried out again, Oksana let out a small whimper of her own. 

Eve seemed to know exactly what she wanted from Oksana and was more than happy to take it; Oksana was more than happy to give. Eve rode herself hard, up and down, on the toy between Oksana's legs. She steadied herself with her hands on Oksana’s shoulder, fingers bunching up the fabric of her dress shirt, surely wrinkling it. Oksana couldn’t have cared less what Eve did to her clothes. She could destroy them if she wanted to.

She settled her hands on Eve’s waist, somewhat as guidance, not that Eve needed much, but more so to enjoy the rhythmic movement of Eve’s body against her. Sometimes it was too hard to just let Eve take and she had to roll her own hips up against hers, seeking some sort of sensation. But not just that, not just a direct seeking of her own pleasure.. There was pleasure in the feeling of pressing up and against and into Eve like that, of feeling a part of her, of watching her react when Oksana did it. 

Eve pulled one of Oksana’s hands from her waist and guided Oksana’s fingers to rub at her clit. Oksana grinned and nipped at Eve’s neck as she began to move her fingers, in slow circles at first, then faster and faster.

It was clearly exactly was Eve was looking for. She gasped and tightened her grip on Oksana’s shoulders. The jutting of her hips was harder and faster, but more uneven, the rhythm more uncoordinated and haphazard. 

“Oksana,” Eve gasped, “I’m so...close.”

Oksana let her lips trail down Eve’s neck one more time before she looked up to see the expression on her face. She could see it in Eve’s eyes, exactly how close she really was, as if one single movement or touch could cause her to go crashing over the edge. 

So Oksana stopped. She stilled her hips and held her hands tight on Eve’s waist so she couldn’t make any of her own moments. 

Eve whimpered and it was an incredible sound.

“No, Oksana, why are you...don’t stop.”

Oksana grinned and as carefully as she could, arm wrapped around Eve’s waist, she shifted their position so that she had Eve on her back underneath her. She pressed into her once, long and slow. It wasn’t enough and Oksana had known it wouldn’t be, Eve had slipped back down away from her climax enough to leave Oksana more opportunity to play with her. Which was exactly what she had been going for. 

Oksana leaned over Eve, planting her hands on either side of her body. Their bodies were pressed tight together and Eve may have been getting some small amount of pleasure from the pressure alone, but it was probably more teasing than anything.

“Oh, Eve…” Oksana said in a sing-song voice.

Eve let out a long sigh and gave Oksana what may have been an attempt at a withering look. 

“Why are you being mean?”

“Because it’s fun. Also you like me mean.”

Eve gave her a half-hearted glare but she also blushed and didn’t even attempt to argue the point.

“Would you like me meaner, Eve?” Eve didn’t answer, just sucked in a breath. “Do you remember what else I said I’d like to do to you?”

Oksana waited, forcing Eve to actually answer. 

“Yes.” 

“And what was that?”

“You said you wanted to strangle me.” The glare that accompanied that answer was a bit more successful, but lust still shown foremost in Eve’s eyes.

Oksana grinned. “Yes. I did. And you asked me why I wasn’t. Because…” 

She raised an eyebrow at Eve. Eve clenched her fingers together.

“Because I wanted you to be doing it,” she paused, “I want you to do it.” 

“Well, that’s convenient. Because I plan to wrap my fingers around your throat.” 

Eve looked like she’d stopped breathing. 

“Oh.” 

The word almost sounded like a cry.

Oksana’s smile quirked on her face. “Is that a good sound, Eve?”

It had seemed like a good sound, but Oksana wanted to be certain.

“I...yes...good. I want you to...please....Do that.”

Oksana grinned, full and real. Eve’s almost complete lack of ability to form words was beyond incredible.

It was unbelievably hot. 

Oksana leaned forward so she could kiss Eve and doing so pressed the toy deep into her so the kiss didn't really land well, just grazed Eve's bottom lip as she moaned and tried to grab for Oksana’s hair. 

Oksana took her wrist and pinned it to her side.

“Don’t do that.” She let the teasing begin to slip from her voice, let the warmth be replaced by something much firmer, much more demanding. And Eve reacted well. Her eyes went wide, she sucked in a breath, and nodded, immediately. 

So obedient. So perfect. 

Oksana ran a thumb down the front of Eve’s throat and felt Eve gulp under the touch. She paused, resting her thumb in the indentation at the bottom of Eve’s throat, just above her collarbone She watching Eve's eyes, how she stared at Oksana, transfixed. Waiting. 

And then Oksana smiled, every so slightly. Just the smallest warning, a fraction of second before her long fingers wrapped around Eve’s throat and squeezed. 

Eve’s entire body tensed at first and then she relaxed completely, sinking into Oksana grip. She never broke eye contact and the look in Eve’s eyes was incredible. It was lust and it was fear but it was also...completely open. And that may have been the most intoxicating thing of all.

Oksana slammed her hips into Eve and watched her eyes roll back into her head, her lips part. Wordless, breathless. She did it a second time and those two thrusts and the hand on her throat was all it took to bring Eve right back to where she’d been a few minutes before. 

And then Oksana got to see Eve come. 

It was so different than any other time. Both in the way that Eve’s usual signs of pleasure were restricted - her breathing, her moans, the words she would cry out - but also in how Oksana felt. The incredible power that accompanied it, of course, that was something she was used to. But also a connection and a passion that was unlike anything else she could really compare it to. And something that almost seemed...protective. The desire to hurt Eve, absolutely, unquestionably, but also the absolute feeling that she had to be careful. She had to be perfect. She had to do right by Eve. And she would. 

Oksana released Eve’s throat so she could breathe through the end of her orgasm. She sat back and draped Eve’s leg over her lap while she traced patterns lightly over her stomach. Watching Eve’s face was lovely. 

Eve seemed to come out of her daze and focused in on Oksana's contended watchfulness.

“You handled that very well,” Oksana told her.

“Mmm, well I liked that very much. And I think I should be complimenting you for that. Or thanking you. Or both.”

Oksana laughed. “We can compliment and thank each other.”

“Sounds good.

Oksana shifted and crawled up towards Eve so she could kiss her. Eve wrapped her arms around Oksana’s neck, pulling her in. After a minute, Eve sighed and released Oksana just enough to pull back a little bit.

“This couch is really uncomfortable.”

Oksana laughed. “Yes, it really is.”

“Bedroom?”

“Definitely.” Oksana got to her feet, pulling Eve with her by the hand. “Bring the chocolate.”


	13. Exes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is heavy so this is a trigger warning, please heed it if you need to. It includes a discussion of the lingering effects that Oksana’s underage relationship with Anna had on her. I know this can be a sensitive topic so please skip if necessary. I put a short and simple summary in the bottom note if you want to be able to skip it but still get the important points.

The winter term had ended in mid-March and the weeks of break that followed were a welcome relaxation. The weather was nicer than usual for that time of year, cool in the mornings but the sun managed to break through the clouds throughout the day and the early evenings were often filled with soft light, colored oranges and dark blues as the sun began to set.

Eve and Oksana had done nothing in particular to celebrate the break, but being able to spend entire days in the way that they had previously only been able to spend their evenings and weekends was certainly enjoyable.

On one evening after a particularly active afternoon , they simply laid in bed and let the breeze from the open window drift over them and cool their sweaty skin. Oksana’s hand rested lightly on Eve’s stomach and after a while she let out a long contented sigh.

“Tell me about your exes.”

Eve laughed. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I’m curious. I know you had that husband. I don’t know why, though. And there must have been more than just him.”

“I liked ‘that husband’.”

“He was boring.”

“You don’t know that. You’ve never met him.”

“You told me he was boring. The couple of things you’ve said about him sound incredible boring.”

Eve sighed. “He...wasn’t always. I really liked him in the beginning. But after a while it just got...monotonous.”

“Yes. Boring.”

“Don’t be mean.”

Oksana rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Did you get a nice wedding at least?”

Eve smiled, remembering it. “Yes, it was pretty. Small, but sweet.”

“A wedding should be big. I would want a big wedding.”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to get married.”

“I wouldn’t, but I would like a party. I would like to be celebrated.”

Eve shook her head. “You are positively ridiculous.” 

“Yes, I am,” Oksana said. She seemed very proud of it. “What about your honeymoon, was it sexy?”

Eve only half answered the question. “It was very nice. We went to Griffon Forest, in York.”

Oksana looked at her incredulously. “You went to a forest? For your honeymoon? My, that man is cheap.”

“It was nice! They have a honeymoon lodge with a spa and wine and chocolate! And it’s not like either of us was making bank at a law firm. He was a school teacher.”

“Cheap. You have bad taste in dating.”

Eve sighed. “Stop judging.” 

“Fine, tell me about your others. Then I shall judge your overall taste. Who was your first kiss? Oh! How old were you first had sex?”

Eve glanced away from Oksana, made uncomfortable by her intense gaze. “Um…I was eighteen? I had a boyfriend for most of the later part of secondary school.”

“But you didn’t sleep with him until you were eighteen?”

“No. He was very polite.”

“What? So? Didn’t you want to?”

“I…” Eve picked at her fingers. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t feel very strongly about him.”

“Hmm. Well, sex is still something to do.”

“Yes, which is probably why I eventually did.”

“Women are more fun, I think.”

Eve laughed uncomfortably. She didn’t generally think that, necessarily, or at least she hadn’t in the past. But over the past few months she had definitely been moving in that direction, favoring her attraction for women more and more.

Or, at least, for one woman.

“Maybe.”

“Well, who was the first woman?”

“I had a...friend in university. A casual thing, friends with benefits, basically.”

“Ah, like us.”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“Why did it end?”

Eve shrugged. “We graduated. She went to do relief work with an international group and I stayed for grad school.”

“I see. Who else?”

“Flings...a few flings during the time I was doing the thing with her. Men and women. Some stuff after, nothing really stuck. I had a few years long thing in graduate school with a woman. That was the most serious before Niko.”

Oksana didn’t really respond to that, other than a slight hum under her breath. Eve looked her over, but her face was unreadable. Her expression had yet to change when she eventually spoke, “And why did that end?”

It had been a long time, but something heavy still settled in Eve’s stomach. “Basically...she got bored of me. One day, she told me she just didn’t love me anymore and she packed up her things and she left.”

“Hm.” Oksana seemed to mull that over for a minute. “And that hurt you? You sound hurt.”

“Yes. That hurt. It hurts to love someone who doesn’t love you back.”

“I see.”

They both fell silent. Eve bit her tongue, keenly aware of the sound of their simultaneously breathing, rising up and down in sync. Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore and had to break the silence.

“You know, now you have to tell me about you.”

“Nothing much to tell. I told you, I haven’t really had relationships.”

“Okay, but you  _ clearly _ have lots of experience.” She rolled to her side and danced her fingers down Oksana’s thigh as she said it.

Oksana blushed and shoved her away. “Shut up. Stop judging me.”

“I’m not judging you, I’m asking.”

“Yes, Eve, I’ve had lots of sex. So I have much experience.”

“You’ve really never had anything that was even a little bit serious?”

Oksana sighed and stared at the ceiling. Once again, Eve had a hard time reading her expression.

“Twice. When I was young.”

“And?”

“There was Nadia, for a few months when I first got to university after boarding school.”

"What happened?"

Oksana bit the inside of her cheek, looking uncomfortable. "I...cheated. I shouldn't have, I know that. She was hurt. I still liked her, but I just couldn't figure out how to not want someone else too, for more than a very short time. I made a mistake. I do not like to make mistakes."

“Yeah." Eve didn't really know what to make of that, but mostly it wasn't really a surprise. "What was Nadia like?”

“She was older than me, she was finishing graduate school. I suppose I tend to like older women. Actually, I think you are the only time I’ve done anything long term with someone my age, even just the casual sex things.”

“So, the other one was older too?”

“What other one?”

“The other relationship. You said their were two.”

Oksana chewed on the inside of her cheek.

“Yes. Anna.”

“She was after Nadia?”

“No, before.”

“But, you said Nadia was when you first got to university.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand?”

“Are you saying you dated someone older - an adult - when you were still in secondary school?”

“I don’t think we were really dating, technically. She was married.” Oksana pressed her lips tightly together.

“Oksana...that’s kind of not okay. Not kinda. That isn’t okay. You know that right?”

Oksana continued to stare at the ceiling and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Oksana?”

“It wasn’t a big deal.” Her voice was quiet.

“It shouldn’t have happened. She was an adult, you were a child. How old were you even?”

Oksana didn’t answer right away. When she finally did she sounded distant. “Sixteen.”

“Exactly. A child. She took advantage. Can you see how that wasn’t okay?”

“No, I took advantage. I pursued her. She had a husband, after all. And if you remember correctly, I'm a psychopath. She was always quick to point that out.” She made the last point bitterly, sarcastically, but she couldn't hide the fact that she sounded genuinely hurt by it.

“Whatever you did, she still had responsibility. That's not an excuse.”

Oksana shook her head slightly. “You don’t understand. She was my teacher, Eve. She took care of me. My parents were dead and everyone at that school treated me like...like something was wrong with me. She was kind.”

“The fact that she was your teacher makes it worse. The fact that you were alone makes it worse.”

Oksana’s eyes squeezed closed. She shook her head again. 

“Oksana…” 

Eve reached out a hand and brushed it lightly across Oksana’s arm, but she flinched so Eve pulled back. 

“We don’t have to talk about this, but I want you to know that...you deserved better. You do deserve better.” 

Oksana shrugged.

“You’re not still in contact with her, are you?”

Oksana blew air into her cheeks and then release it slowly.

“A few years ago she sent me a postcard. And then she’s sent a few more since.”

“Saying what?”

“I don’t know. That’s she’s sorry. That she overreacted. That she hopes I’m well. That she’d like to see me.”

“Have you responded?”

“No. I don’t know what to say to her.”

“Do you want to respond? Do you want to see her?”

Oksana chewed on her lip for a while before answering. “I don’t know. I kind of just wish she’d stop sending them because I don’t want to have to decide.”

“Well, she can go to hell, Oksana.”

Oksana sighed and then suddenly her eyes flashed open and sat upright in the bed. Eve pushed herself up onto her elbow to look at her.

“Are you okay?”

She didn’t respond, just began pulling on random clothes from the floor and then left the apartment before Eve could say anything else, leaving the door hanging open behind her. 

Eve scrambled to her feet herself, looking for some clothes of her own. She wasn’t sure if she should follow Oksana or not. If she wanted to be alone, Eve wanted to give her that. But it was also quickly getting dark and Oksana didn’t have keys or a coat or a phone. 

She ran out of the building and down the street and she could see a blonde figure at the end of the block that she could barely keep up with. There was a canal about a ten minute walk from Oksana’s building and that’s where she ended up, standing on the bridge that crossed over it. As Eve approached, she could see Oksana chuck something into the water.

Eve stopped a few feet away from her.

“Oksana...do you want to be alone?”

She was gripping the handrail hard enough to turn her knuckles white and even in the fading light Eve could see that her cheeks were wet. It occurred to Eve that not only had she never seen Oksana cry, she probably wouldn’t have been able to imagine it if she wasn’t actually seeing it.

She shook her head ever so slightly, every other part of her body stock still. 

“No.” 

“Okay.” Eve moved closer, leaning against the rail near her. “What did you throw in the water?”

“The bracelet.”

“What bracelet?”

“Her’s. The one I always wore.”

Eve glanced at Oksana’s wrist and the gold bracelet that usually adorned it was indeed gone.

“She gave you that?”

“No, I stole it for her. She wouldn’t take it, said she couldn’t wear it because her husband would want to know where it came from and if she couldn’t wear it there was no reason to have it. So I told her she should just leave her husband. And she said she couldn’t. She wouldn't. I...got mad. I made some threats. She reported me to the school. They sent me away, to another school, for troubled girls. That’s where I spent the rest of my time until university. But I kept the bracelet.” 

“Oh.”

Oksana took a deep breath and let it out in a long, hissing sigh. “But, I think you’re right. She was a bitch. And it’s not like I didn’t know that, somewhere in me, but…”

“I know,” Eve said, hesitantly reaching out toward Oksana and setting a hand on her’s. This time Oksana didn’t flinch, she sighed and it almost sounded relieved. Oksana took a hesitant step forward and then she slipped her arms around Eve’s waist and rested her head on Eve’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Eve.”

“Of course.”

“No, really. For everything. Not just this.”

Eve studied Oksana’s face. She couldn’t really figure out her expression, but she wasn’t really smiling and she looked sort of nervous, as if she was worried about Eve’s response for some reason.

“You’re welcome.”

Oksana took a deep breath and stepped back. “Okay, I am better now, Eve. I do not want this evening to be sad, I wish to have fun with you.”

Eve smiled. “Okay.”

“We shall go back and have wine, yes? I have a good bottle for you to try. And I will make you waffles in the morning, because I can cook. You cannot, but I can. Maybe I will teach you.” 

“I think you will have a hard time with that.”

“Okay, then you will sleep in and I will make waffles.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Oksana looked at her with a smile and soft look in her eyes that just felt...warm in Eve’s chest. Oksana put her hands on Eve’s hips and pulled her in so she could kiss her. She pulled back just a bit and leaned there foreheads together to whisper, “You know, you are very beautiful, Eve.”

Eve blushed and playfully shoved her away. “Shut up.”

Oksana grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “I will not shut up, it is the truth. I have vowed to tell you that at least once a day, ideally more.” 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You know, I think you tell me that at least once a day.”

“It’s because it’s true.” 

“Yes, I know. I’m glad you think so, I’m proud of being ridiculous.”

Eve rolled her eyes and Oksana looped her arm through Eve’s so they could walk back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overview: Eve and Oksana have a chat about their past relationships. Oksana tells Eve about her relationship with Anna, Eve explains to her that it was really not okay and talks her through some of her feelings regarding that.
> 
> ——
> 
> I personally really hate Anna and I have a lot of feelings about this, which is why I ultimately decided to include this chapter even though I was on the fence because of how heavy it is. I’ve written a bit about Anna on tumblr and have plenty more to say if you feel like talking about that or anything else feel free to message me @thesilverstaganddoe


	14. Best Case Scenario

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Touch of violence in this chapter (but really nbd compared to the show) and some more of the Anna discussion so heads up on that.

On Monday, Eve went to the MI6 offices. It was the first time she had been there since she’d collected her things a week after officially “retiring” and it was a bit strange to be back. She didn’t recognize the woman at the security desk in the front lobby. She peered at Eve’s old MI6 ID.

“Do you work here? I don’t recognize you.”

“I used to. I’m here to see Bill. Bill Pargrave.”

“Do you have an appointment? I don’t see your name on the list.”

“I don’t need one, he’s my old boss, he’ll want to see me.”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure…”

“It’s fine, really.”

The woman faltered for another moment, but something in Eve’s expression seemed to convince her that she didn’t want to keep arguing and she allowed Eve to pass through.  

The office looked much the same, except that someone else had clearly taken over Eve’s desk. There were colored sticky notes lining the edges of the computer monitor and sitting beside it was a photo of a smiling couple holding a little girl. 

Eve had already been in a pretty foul mood and it didn’t make her feel any better.

It was early and there wasn’t anyone in the outer office, but Eve knew Bill had a habit of getting in early and, as expected, he was in his office, hunched over his computer, picking at a croissant. 

“Hi, Bill.”

He looked up. “Eve! What a surprise! A wonderful surprise, of course.”

She nodded. It was good to see him, of course, but she wasn’t exactly feeling cheerful or particularly filled with a desire to catch up on old times. So, she got right to the point.

“I need help with something. A favor.”

“Okay. Straightforward as always. Is everything alright?”

“I need information on someone. An address, at least, and anything else you can get me.”

“Okay. You’ll also owe me a favor, though, Eve.”

“Fine, whatever you want.”

“I’ll hold you to that. What’s the name?”

“Anna. I don’t know her last name, but she was a teacher at the Gorchakov boarding school about fifteen years ago.”

“That’s not a lot to go on.”

“I have faith in you. You’ve done more with less.”

“I’ll see what I can do. Come by tomorrow, I’ll leave a file for you at the front desk.”

“Thank you.” Eve turned to go and then pause by the door and turned back around. “Bill?”

“Yes?”

“Will you let me into the shooting range?”

Bill raised his eyebrows, but didn’t comment. He simply held out his keys.

Normally, Eve’s position at MI6 wouldn’t have warranted her carrying a gun, but after some threats had been made in a particularly difficult case, she received some training and been issued one. After leaving MI6, she’d obtained a civilian license and kept it, but it had always been in a lockbox under her bed that she’d never opened since her departure.

Until that day. 

She’d opened it up again that morning, before she left to meet Bill. It made her uncomfortable; it was a reminder of difficult and stressful days. She’d been allowed to keep it with the idea that the threat could potentially remain, even once she’d left MI6 and abandoned the case. But, really, she hadn’t been too concerned; she’d left, she’d done what they wanted. There was no reason to get rid of her anymore. 

But she’d kept it, and in that moment she was glad she had. 

———-

As promised, a file was waiting for Eve the next morning. 

Anna Aanmokoba. The file had a list of basic information, including her ex-husband’s name and her age. She was forty-nine. Which would have made her thirty-five when Oksana was sixteen. Eve’s fingers clenched into fist tight enough that her nails dug hard into her palm.

Fuck her. Fuck her a hundred times over.

It also had her address. She was no longer working at the school, it appeared she was retired, but she was still living close to it.

Eve booked a flight. Somehow, by some grace of a god she didn’t really believe in, there was a flight out of London to St. Petersburg early the very next morning. It had a layover in Vienna, but it wasn’t too bad, less than an hour. The price was exorbitant last minute, but Eve didn’t care. 

Oksana texted her in the afternoon, asking her if she wanted to come over for dinner or drinks that night. Eve told her that her friend had had a baby and she was leaving early the next morning to spend the next couple of days with her in Leeds.

_ Oh, okay. _

Eve felt bad. But what else could she say?

———-

When she finally landed in St. Petersburg, she didn’t even bother with the train; she couldn’t focus enough to figure out the Russian schedules. Part of her wished Oksana was with her. She’d make it so simple, converse easily with everyone they came across, charm everyone in their path.

But, no, it was something Eve needed to do alone.

So, she managed to get a rental car from an agency whose people spoke enough English to not make it miserable and by midafteroon was making her way to the address Bill had given her.

It was in Pavlovsk, about an hour’s drive from St. Petersburg. Eve flicked through Russian radio stations as she drove, barely listening to any of them. She paused on one, a host whose voice sounded a little like Oksana’s. Ultimately, though, she slammed her hand down on the power button and drove the rest of the way in silence.

Anna’s house was small, almost cute, if Eve had been in the kind of mood to make such an assessment. She sat in the car outside for a few minutes, considering what she was about to do. She didn’t really have a plan, exactly, she just felt like she needed to do...something. 

So she went and knocked on the door. 

She didn’t know what she expected, but whatever it was, the woman who answered wasn’t it. She was mousy and she looked old, older than Eve had even expected. Which just made Eve feel even more irritated. 

She wasn’t ugly, really, but there wasn’t anything special about her either. Except her hair. She really did have quite nice hair. Eve also found that irritating. 

“Hello?” the woman asked.

“Are you Anna?”

“Yes?”

Eve pushed past her into the house.

“We need to talk.”

Anna trailed behind her, not even commenting on the fact that Eve had just walked into her house without invitation.

“Who are you?”

Eve whirled on her and glared. There was no point in hiding her anger.

“A friend of Oksana’s.”

Anna actually smiled. 

“Ah. How is she?”

Eve hissed out a breath. “Good. No thanks to you.”

The smile remained, but it hardened a bit. “No thanks to me? I was everything to that girl.”

It took everything Eve had not to slap her.

“Do you seriously think that? You abused her. You forced her into a relationship she was too young for.”

Anna scoffed, the look on her face twisting and growing nasty. “Oh, I didn’t force her into anything. If anything, she pushed it on me. She was a manipulative little snot. And she was obsessed with me.”

Eve really, really wanted to hit her. “That’s crap.” 

“I’ll show you.”

Anna disappeared into another room and came back with a large box stuffed with papers. She set it down on the end table in front of Eve. 

“These are from her.”

Eve narrowed her eyes at the woman. She didn’t really want to look away from her, but she had to admit, she was curious.

She began to page through them. There were some photos, some of them of Oksana and Anna together, but a number of just Oksana. She looked so young, so innocent, so naive. So easily hurt. 

Mostly though, the box was filled with letters, largely written in French, which Eve had actually learned in school. It had been quite a while since she’d spoken it, much less read it, but she was still able to decipher sections of the letters. 

_ My darling, Anna _

_ I miss you. _

_ Do you know the life we could have together? _

_ I need to see you. _

_ You looked beautiful in class today, I couldn’t stop watching you. _

_ Please write to me, I have not heard from you in ages. _

_ My heart longs for you, darling.  _

Eve felt the rage bubbling up in her chest anew. Anna raised an eyebrow at her.

“See? It was all her.”

“You’re a monster,” Eve hissed. 

Anna shook her head. “She’s the monster. She’s a psychopath, did you know that?”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, dear. You’ve got it bad. She’s got you wrapped around her little finger, doesn’t she? You know that she’s manipulating you, right? You need to know that. It’ll all fall apart soon enough.”

Every last bit of Eve’s patience was gone; it was amazing that it had lasted as long as it did. She grabbed Anna by both her shoulders and shoved her as hard as she could. She looked utterly shocked as she fell backwards onto the coffee table. It had a glass top and Anna crashed through it in an instant, shattered pieces flying across the floor and embedding themselves in Anna's skin. 

Eve pulled the gun out of where she’d had it tucked in the back of her waistband and pointed it at Anna. 

“I used to work for MI6 and I still have friends in high places and not just in the UK. If you ever contact her again, I will have you thrown in jail - and that’s if you’re lucky.” 

Anna gave her a disgusted look. “You’re just like her. You deserve each other.” 

“She certainly deserves better than you.”

Eve's finger hovered on the trigger for a long while, but eventually, with a deep breath, she moved it away. She took the box of letters and photos and moved backwards to the door, keeping the gun pointed at Anna. She never made an attempt to get up, though, and Eve slipped out the door without any trouble. 

She set the box in the backseat, got into the front, threw the gun in the passenger seat and drove around the block, where she pulled over to the side of the road and parked again. Her heart was racing and she was gasping for breathing. 

Suddenly she found herself crying, huge, hysterical sobs, and she buried her face in her hands and leaned against the steering wheel. She was crying because she was scared. Because she was angry. Because her heart hurt for Oksana. Because what she’d just done was the best thing she could think of to help her and it still didn’t seem like enough.

Because she didn’t know what to do with any of those feelings and it was screwing with her head.

———-

She drove to a convenience store and bought a thing of lighter fluid, some matches, and a bottle of whiskey. She drove, vaguely in the direction of the airport. Once she’d left the residential area, the road mostly ran through endless fields. It annoyed Eve. Fuck Russia.

At some point, after some indeterminate amount of time, a few trees started to appear along the roadside and Eve swerved off the side of the road towards them. She got out of the car, grabbed the box from the backseat, and tossed the lighter fluid and matches into it.

She walked into the trees, going deeper and deeper until the darkness settled around her and she could no longer see the road behind her. She grabbed fistfuls of the letters from the box and began throwing them on the ground. She kept the old photos, at least the ones that were only of Oksana. But the letters ended up in a heap on the ground

She poured the lighter fluid on top, stepped back a foot or two, struck a match, and tossed it on top of the pile. Flames sprung forward instantly and Eve watched them for a moment, letting the heat warm her cheeks and the sparks burn at her eyes. Then, she turned and walked away, letting it burn behind her. 


	15. Jealousy is a Green-Eyed Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another special edition from Oksana's POV!

It was well enough into the spring term for Oksana to feel like she’d gotten back into the swing of things. She was used to her schedule, used to when she needed to wake up, expectant of lecture times and office hours. Things felt normal. 

It was weird.

Thursday’s office hours hours were at two, just after her last lecture of the day. Actually, it was her last lecture of the week, because she didn’t have Friday lectures, so she always felt restless during them, more than ready to start the weekend. 

People didn’t come a lot. Eve said students found her intimidating. She was probably right. 

Oksana was practicing flipping a pencil around her thumb as many times as she could without dropping it. She’d made it to eight when she heard the office door close behind her. She caught the pencil and turned around. 

It was a girl that looked vaguely familiar, so she was likely from one of Oksana’s classes and probably a regular front row occupant. Not that Oksana could be sure, she didn’t really pay a lot of attention to the students. 

She looked young, probably a first year, and was dressed...not inappropriately, Oksana wasn’t one to judge, but certainly in an interesting fashion, with heels and sheer tights, a mini skirt, and low cut top. 

“Hi!”

“Can I help you with something? It’ll need to be quick, office hours are over in fifteen minutes.”

The girl shifted uncomfortable, clearly trying to maintain her confidence.

“Oh, well, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Yes, I'd imagine so, this is office hours. What do you need?”

She moved forward quickly, grabbing the other chair and pulling it close to Oksana before sitting down.

“I just really like your class. And I wanted to talk to you, because, well, you seem like someone who could really understand me. You’re so...incredible. And smart. And, well…” The girl blushed a brilliant red and looked away. “Beautiful. I assume you know that. You’re not the kind of person who wouldn’t be aware of themselves.”

She turned her gaze back to Oksana. She was still bright red but her eyes were piercing, unwavering. Oksana liked people who were direct, generally. But the girl was kind of freaking her out.

With a grin, the girl reached out a hand and brushed it along Oksana’s knee, where her skin was exposed below the edge of skirt. Oksana jerked back, grabbed the girl’s wrist and tossed it aside. Her face dropped, but it seemed fake.

“Excuse me? What are you doing?”

“What do you mean? Isn’t it obvious?”

“Are you stupid? This is inappropriate.”

“Why? I can’t imagine you’re in a relationship.”

“I...That’s irrelevant. I’m your professor.”

The girl shrugged her shoulders, completely nonchalant. “So?”

Oksana stood up from her seat abruptly and held out her hands in front of her. 

“Office hours are over. You need to leave.”

“But I-”

“Leave. Now. Before I call Dr. Martens.”

“But-”

Oksana reached for her phone. “Dialing…”

“Okay! Fine!” 

It didn’t take more than a second for the girl to go from flirty and joking to incredibly pissed off. She shoved the chair back and stormed out of the office.

Oksana dropped the phone on the desk, realizing she was panicking. She spun around in a circle, trying to decide what she needed to do and then ran out of the office herself.

Naturally, she ended up at Eve’s office, crashing through the door as she had countless times before. 

“Eve!”

Eve turned from her computer, with a grin on her face, clearly expecting something much more flirtatious than the panicked look on Oksana face. Her expression changed immediately when she saw it and she got up from her chair and came over to her.

“Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I didn’t do anything, I swear.”

“What?”

Oksana was talking really fast and her words were running together.

“I didn’t do anything with her, I swear.”

“What? With who? What are you talking about?”

“This girl, one of my students, she came to my office and...propositioned me? I guess that’s the right word.”

Eve gave her a kind of confused laugh. “Okay? Why are you freaking out?”

“I just wanted to make sure you knew, now, from me, in case there was a rumor or something.”

“Okay? Thank you, I guess. But why did you think I needed to know?”

“I didn’t want you to be mad.”

Eve seemed to be growing more and more confused as Oksana talked.

“Why would I be mad?”

“You know, at me, if I...did something with her.”

“I mean, I guess I would kind of think it was a bad idea to sleep with a student and really not recommend it if you had asked...but I wouldn’t be mad.”

“Right.” Oksana’s brain was starting to settle and beginning to comprehend that her freak out and being in Eve’s office didn’t really make sense. At all. “I think...I meant, regardless of whether she was a student.”

Eve gave her a really strange look at that. “What do you mean by that?”

Oksana was starting to panic. It was not a good conversation and it was not going in a good direction and she wasn’t even really sure how she’d gotten there. “I don’t know. Nevermind. I had a moment. I probably need more sleep.” She tried to turn around but Eve grabbed her arm.

“Oksana. What’s the big deal? You’re sleeping with other people. I know you’re sleeping with other people.”

Her brain tried to come up with a reasonable answer that wouldn’t dig her into a deeper hole, but she didn’t really have a good one that she could even give to herself. The words just started to tumble out. “I...I haven’t been. Not in a few months. Not since that morning you came over and those girls were leaving. I felt weird about it that day and since then. After the sex, I kind of just wanted them to leave so I got out of bed and went to the living room. That’s why I was on the couch when you got there.” 

It was a word avalanche and Oksana could barely talk fast enough to keep up with her own inner monologue. “My thoughts kept drifting to you when I was with them and I couldn’t make the thoughts go away. And then you got there and seeing you just made me feel...warm and weird. And I really wanted them to leave and you to stay. And I was afraid you wouldn’t because they were there. And I felt guilty or something. And it was stupid, because I technically shouldn’t have, I technically didn’t do anything wrong. But I felt like shit. And then since then...I guess I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else.”

“Oh.” It seemed like Eve hadn’t even realized that Oksana hadn’t been with anyone else. Oksana would have thought it had been obvious, given that they’d spent all but a handful of nights together over the past couple of months. But, then again, she only just been willing to fully acknowledge it herself. 

“But you said you don’t do relationships. You said you couldn’t imagine only be with one person for more than a few days at a time.”

“I...I don’t know. I just...I haven’t wanted anyone but you.”

Oksana stared at a point on the wall behind Eve. Her heart was racing and she felt nauseous and she wanted to run but Eve’s hand was still on her arm. Her eyes burned. 

“I lied.”

Oksana blinked. Whatever she might have expected Eve to say, it wasn’t that. The surprise cleared her head, somewhat, and she was immensely grateful for it. She actually managed to look at Eve.

Eve smiled, but it looked like it took a lot of effort. She looked a bit shaken.

“I lied. I would have been mad. About the student. And not just because she was a student.”

“Oh.” Eve’s smile increased, seeming easier. Oksana stared down at her feet, no longer calm enough to look at Eve anymore. 

Eve took another step forward and they were so close. And they never really had conversations like that, serious and standing and clothed. And her voice was soft and gentle and it made Oksana’s chest feel full and it was a good feeling but it also made her head swim and feel even more nauseous.

“You know, something similar happened to me last weekend. I didn’t mention it to you, I didn’t really think you would have cared.”

Suddenly, Oksana’s heart was racing for a very different reason and her entire body felt warm with rage. 

“What?” she felt the words hiss through her teeth.

“I mean, I sent her away, obviously. But she certainly wanted something more that study tips.”

Oksana’s hands clenched at her sides for just a moment before they landed on Eve’s hips and she swung her around so she could slam her into the wall. Her mouth was on Eve’s neck before Eve could even really react, teeth digging hard into her skin. Eve sighed and let her, arching her neck and sinking back into the wall and Oksana's arms, which wrapped tight around her waist to support her. 

Oksana didn’t stop until she was sure she’d left a more than satisfactory mark and when she pulled back she was not disappointed. It had already started to bruise and her teeth had broken the skin just enough to allow a few droplets of blood to start to form. 

She leaned her forehead against Eve’s. 

“So she knows not to touch you.” She whispered.

Eve laughed. “Possessive aren’t we?”

Oksana flushed dark red, threw her hands over her face, and turned around so Eve couldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled through her fingers, “I didn’t mean that.”

Eve came up behind her, slipped her arms around Oksana’s waist, and pressed a kiss to the back of Oksana’s neck. “I think you did.” Oksana’s whole body was tense in Eve’s arms and she kept her face buried in her hands. When she didn’t get a response, Eve continued, “It’s okay. I like it.”

The words slowly sank into Oksana’s brain and she let out a shaky breath. Her hands slipped off her face. “Really?” she whispered.

“Yes,” Eve told her, another kiss pressed to her neck, just under her ear. 

Slowly, carefully, Oksana let herself relax back into Eve’s embrace, sinking into her arms and leaning her head back onto Eve’s shoulder. She closed her eyes. “Really?” She hated how desperate she sounded, but she was exactly that. Desperate. Terrified that Eve was screwing with her. She probably was. 

“Yes, really.”

Oksana bit her lip. “Why?”

“I…” Eve didn’t seem entirely sure how to answer the question. “I don’t want to be the only one who’s jealous. I like knowing that you...think about me, want me enough to...care if there’s someone else. I just...like knowing that you care.”

“Did you...think I didn’t care?”

“I really didn’t know.”

“Oh," There was silence for a while and Oksana contemplated what she wanted to say next. " I think...I want this to be exclusive.” A year ago she could have never seen herself saying those words to anyone.

She felt Eve breathe out behind her. “I’d like that.”

“I think...I want - need - to admit that I’m not just...physically attracted to you. That I don’t just want sex. That...there’s something else.”

“I think I need to admit that, too.” 

Oksana let out a huge sigh and felt the tiniest bit of tension release from her shoulders. She turned around in Eve’s embrace and fiddled with her belt loops for a minute before using them to pull Eve closer to her. She finally looked Eve in the eye.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” Eve asked her. 

Oksana felt the touch of calm she had gained immediately slip away. “Because I feel weird, Eve!” She was very rapidly nearing the verge of becoming totally hysterical. “Because I lie in bed on the nights that you aren’t there and all I can think about is how I wish you were there and why would I go out to find someone else if all I want is to be with you? And I don’t know what to do with that because I’ve never had to deal with that before and this isn’t me and it’s kind of freaking me out so I sort of want to ignore it and I have been trying to ignore it but I can’t! And I do not think I really even want to!”

Eve took Oksana’s face in her hands and pressed their foreheads together. “I think about you, too, honey. All the time.” Oksana sucked in a breath. The look in Eve’s eyes was so...gentle? Warm? Soft? It was strange, confusing, it didn’t make sense. No one had ever looked at Oksana liked that.

Eve ran a thumb under each of Oksana’s eyes. “Sweetie, why are you crying?” Oksana hadn’t realized she was until Eve asked her.

“I...I guess I’m scared.”

“Why?” 

“Because I thought you’d tell me no. I still think you will.”

“And you think I’m not scared? You’ve spent the entire time I’ve known you telling me you don’t - can’t - do relationships.”

Something felt twisted in Oksana’s chest. “I will not hurt you, Eve. I know you maybe cannot believe that by itself, because of how I am, even though it is true. I mean it very much. But it would hurt me for you to be hurt, so maybe you will believe it because of that? Because you know I would not hurt myself?”

Eve sighed and nodded. “I believe you. For both reasons.” After a pause, she asked, “Do you believe me? That I want this, too?”

Oksana rolled the question around in her mind. She wanted to give Eve the absolute honest answer. She wanted to find the honest answer for herself.

“Yes,” she said, “but I am still scared, Eve.”

Eve closed her eyes. “I know the feeling.”  

Oksana couldn’t take it any more, the distance between them, any distance was too much distance. She hooked her hands behind Eve’s neck and pulled her close, bringing their lips together. The way Eve kissed her was so much better than before. It was all the heat and passion they’d always had, but it was something else too. A warmth and a joy and a connection that Oksana couldn’t really describe as well as a feeling of safety that terrified as much as it confronted her. 

She just wanted to sink into it, into Eve, into the feeling of it all. 

Eve’s kisses trailed to the side, along Oksana’s jaw and to her ear, where she whispered. “You know, I should get to mark you, too.” Oksana sucked in her breath and nodded, a little too fast. 

Eve pushed her back into the chair behind her and straddled her, mouth finding Oksana’s neck and sucking at first before her teeth sank in. She was gentler than Oksana had been with her, she’d never been very rough, more than the gentler violence of fighting back, light scratches down Oksana’s back as she came under Oksana’s touch, the occasional hickey. It was all Oksana had wanted, she thought, but Eve’s teeth on her neck felt good. Knowing the bruise that would linger for days would be Eve’s set a fire between Oksana’s legs. 

Eve rubbed a thumb over the mark, seeming satisfied with it based on her grin. And Oksana was frustrated, more so and in a different way than she’d ever been. She slipped her hands up Eve’s shirt, aiming to tug it off, but Eve grabbed her wrists and leaned into her.

“Come home with me, I want to do this at home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the chapter you have been waiting for, yes?
> 
> ——-
> 
> So I’m actually a little bit ahead on the writing for this (and a little behind on my school writing but hey whatever) which is why this got posted today. Thanks in large part to some of the wonderful kind commenters of the last couple of days who got me over a bit of a low point I was having in writing this. So thank you so much for your motivating words and I think that I will be able to post again tomorrow (and it will be sweet sweet almost plotless smut and fluff so you can look forward to that). 
> 
> Stay gay, enjoy your day


	16. It's Different Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I somehow deleted part of this chapter and couldn’t find it anywhere in my revision history so that was fun but anyway here we are.
> 
> (This one is explicit if anyone still needs the warning?)

Eve’s hands shook as she unlocked the door to her apartment. She felt nervous. She shouldn’t have, there was nothing new to be apprehensive of. But somehow, it felt like her first time, maybe not even her first time with Oksana but her first time...ever. Her heart raced in her chest and she felt light-headed. Oksana’s hand rested on the small of her back as she fiddled with the keys and it really was just a feather light touch, but it felt so heavy and grounding, a connection between the two. 

She finally got the door open and Oksana was just a breath behind her as they slipped into the apartment together. The door had barely shut behind them when Oksana’s hands were on her, pushing her back against it by her waist, lips seeking hers. Eve’s fingers wound their way into Oksana’s hair, pulling it out of it’s loose bun and causing pieces of it to come cascading down her back. 

Oksana had her pressed against the door, yes, and there was force there, of course, but it was still kinder, gentler than their usual hook-ups. In no way did it have a loss of passion, but it was as if a wall was down and something new and warm was able to flow between them. 

Eve pulled back a bit and studied Oksana’s face, realizing that she wasn’t the only one who had anxiety soaring through her features. 

“You look nervous,” she told her.

Oksana’s eyes drifted away from Eve. “It’s different now.”

“Yes. Is that bad?”

Oksana bit her lip and then shook her head. “No,” she paused and then continued, softer, “I wanted it to be different.”

Eve took Oksana’s wrists from where they were braced on either side of her and pulled them away, pushing the other woman back. “Come with me.”

Oksana nodded and let Eve lead her by the hand into the bedroom, where Eve pushed her back onto the bed. She straddled her and leaned over her, staring down and simply taking her in.

She was gorgeous and she was...Eve’s. Finally. Incredibly. 

She leaned in closer, focusing on Oksana’s eyes, her face, her reactions. “What do you want?”

Oksana slipped her hands under the bottom of Eve’s blouse so she could settle them on her bare waist.

“You. Anything. I don’t care. Just this.”

Eve laughed lightly and moved in closer so her breath ghosted over Oksana’s ear before she kissed just below it. “Tell me something. Ask me for something.”

Oksana’s breath sucked in slightly and her hips rolled upwards just a bit, but enough for Eve to notice and grin, satisfied with the reaction. 

“I want…” Oksana traced her fingers down Eve’s side. “The strap is still here, yes?”

Eve smiled against the skin of Oksana’s neck. “Mmhm. You really like that, don’t you?”

“No. I mean, yes, obviously.” Oksana fumbled over her words and Eve could see the flush of her cheeks spread down onto her neck. “But that’s not what I mean, quite. I want you to wear it this time.”

“Oh.”

Oksana backtracked quickly. “I mean, if you wanted to. That’s not...we can...something else. Nevermind.”

Eve kissed her, hard, and put a hand under her head, twisting her fingers into Oksana’s hair. 

“I absolutely do not want to do something else.”

Eve kissed her once more, longer and harder. Oksana’s hips arched up into Eve’s once again and the beginnings of a moan escaped her lips. Eve pulled away at that, with a teasing grin, leaving her on the bed to stew in her own frustration while she retrieved the toy from a nearby drawer. 

Oksana watched her undress, eyes wide, unmoving except for the steady rise and fall of her chest, just a little faster than normal. At first, Eve only removed her bottoms before slipping on the toy, but before she could get back onto the bed, Oksana crawled towards her and knelt before her. 

Her hands traced across Eve’s shoulders and down her arms, raising goosebumps on the skin there. Then they came up the the top button of the blouse and began undoing them, one by one. She went slowly, never breaking eye contact, and when she was finished she carefully slipped the shirt off of Eve and pressed her lips to Eve’s neck. 

She tugged at Eve’s waist, pulling their hips close together, and lightly kissed down her neck, grazing the bruised skin every so gently. As she went, she trailed her fingers up Eve’s spine and found the clasp of her bra and undid it, pulling it down and away and tossing it to the side. She lifted her head so she could look Eve in the eyes and reached down to wind their fingers together.

“You know you do not undress for me often enough? I wish you would put on more of a show, appreciate yourself more. Know how incredible you are, how wonderful. How...enamored I am with you.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Eve hooked one hand behind Oksana’s neck and slipped the other around her waist. She kissed her as she pushed her back onto the bed and moved back on top of her. Eve kept the kiss going without pause as she dragged her hands down to Oksana’s thighs, where she then proceeded shoved her skirt up towards her waist. She shoved a hand under Oksana’s underwear, immediately bringing a thumb to her clit.

Oksana moaned instantly at Eve’s touch and it broke the kiss. Eve laughed and let it break, moving on to mouth at Oksana’s neck, alternating between kisses and light bites. Ultimately, she ended up on the bruise from earlier. It didn’t take much to bring the pain back and even small nips would probably worsen the mark. Oksana whimpered and it was hard to tell if it was from the pain or Eve’s hand between her legs. Probably both. 

It was clear fairly quickly that it wasn’t going to take much to bring Oksana over the edge and a quick ending was certainly not what Eve was going for, so she paused the strokes of her fingers when she saw Oksana getting closer. Oksana let out a strained sound deep in her throat and clenched her fingers into the sheets. 

The look on Eve’s face would have been a warning if Oksana’s eyes had been open to see it, but as it was she had no head's up before Eve pulled aside her underwear, lined the toy up with her entrance, and pressed into her with a single jut of her hips. 

Oksana cried out. Her eyes flew open at that and the look in them was a delight to see, wild and uncontrolled and taken over by something outside of her. She sat up slightly and reached up to grab at Eve’s arm, digging in fingers hard into Eve’s skin. Eve let her, enjoying the concrete representation of Oksana’s pleasure. 

Eve began circling her thumb again as she moved her hips, going slowly at first, then faster and faster, picking up a hard, steady rhythm. Oksana’s breath, which had begun to level out with the pause, returned to a series of desperate gasps. She kept eye contact with Eve, an open and penetrating look, her dark pupils blown and eyelids rarely closing down to cover her gaze. 

She came as Eve gave a particularly firm thrust of her hips and perfect stroke of her thumb and Eve’s name was on her lips as she did so. Her head fell back and she mumbled something that sounded like Russian. Eve heard a second utterance of her name mixed in with the unfamiliar language. 

She didn’t stop her movements at the first orgasm though, instead pushing Oksana further through a second and third that came almost immediately, riding on the previous in a series of waves. She would have kept going, too, certain that Oksana had more in her, but Oksana put two shaking hands on Eve’s arms and said, “I can’t...going to fall apart.”

Eve laughed and moved from her. She ran her hands down the inside of Oksana’s thighs and kissed the top of her knee. Oksana pushed herself up onto her elbows and stared at Eve with an aching look painted across her entire face. She held out one of her hands towards Eve.

“You...you need to come here.”

Eve smiled. “Of course.” 

She crawled up towards Oksana and Oksana grabbed for her, twisting her fingers desperately into Eve’s hair. She kissed her, messily and eager, the action fraught with a new kind of passion that felt like it had been built up over months. 

Oksana rolled them over, pushing Eve back against the bed and climbing on top, straddling her and continuing to tug her face up into the kiss. Eve smiled into it, able to make words only because it was so chaotic and disorganized.

“Don’t you need a minute?”

“No,” Oksana mumbled, breath ragged, “I can’t wait. I need to touch you, right now.”

As she said it, she moved one hand behind her, down towards Eve’s waist and fumbled blindly at the straps of the harness. Eve took pity on her and pulled it away herself. As soon as it was gone, Oksana’s hand was between Eve’s legs, fingers stroking along her, teasing and tempting. Eve’s hips jerked up into them immediately.

Oksana trailed her fingers across Eve’s skin and began circling them across her clit. She kept it slow, casual, just a slight addition to the attention of her mouth on Eve’s. But before long she began to move her body down Eve’s, dragging her lips along Eve’s skin as she went, pressing kisses to her breasts and her stomach. And then her mouth was between Eve’s legs and the moans and cries that had been hovering at the back of Eve’s throat were finally breaking through. 

Oksana ran her hands up Eve’s stomach towards her chest. She found Eve’s nipples between her fingers and twisted them, hard. Eve gasped and her hips jerked up against Oksana’s mouth, where they were met with a satisfying stroke of tongue. Another sharp twist of Oksana’s fingers followed. 

She kept one hand on Eve’s breast, a nail digging into her nipple as she twisted it, and danced her other fingers back down Eve’s stomach. It tickled and all the sensations combined together - the fluttering of fingers, the twisting pain, the flicks of her tongue -  were just on the verge of overwhelming. 

Then Oksana dug her nails into Eve’s abdomen and dragged them downward, leaving long red scratches in their wake. Eve cried out, hearing her own sounds as if they were coming from outside her body. Her hand searched for Oksana’s hair, but as she began to thread her fingers through it, Oksana reached up and grabbed her wrist, pinning it to the bed. She held it tight, tight enough to hurt, and as she continued to pleasure Eve with her mouth, she shifted her grip and ran her nails down the inside of Eve’s wrist as well, leaving matching red streaks. 

That was when Eve came, with a cry and a final jerk of her hips. Oksana’s tongue kept moving, easing Eve through at least as many climaxes as Oksana had experienced. As Eve came, again and again, Okasana’s hand slipped off of Eve’s wrist and came to clasp at her hand. 

Eve’s eyes drifted closed and she felt Oksana move up to lay next to her and lay a hand on Eve’s chest. When she reopened her eyes a few minutes later, she found Oksana watching her. It was affectionate, but intense, like she’d been frozen since they’d moved apart, unable to relax.

“What?” Eve asked, reaching out to brush her fingers across Oksana’s cheek.

Oksana didn’t answer at first, just bit her lip and kept that intense gaze focused on Eve. Then, she sighed.

“You know sometimes I can’t even look at you? Because I look at you, Eve, and I can’t breathe. Because you’re gorgeous, yes, you’re incredible, I can’t believe someone like you exists. But it’s not even just that. It’s that you’re here and real and I look at you and I can’t breathe. And I have to touch you to believe it, but I still can’t believe you’re real and I can’t  _ breathe _ , Eve.”

Her voice seemed to break ever so slightly at the end of her last sentence and she shifted so she could bury her face in Eve’s shoulder. Eve was processing her words slowly, but still her arms came around Oksana automatically, holding her as tight to herself as she could. She kissed her hair and tried to find her words.

“We’ll...figure it out. How to feel normal, I mean.”

Oksana mumbled against her neck. “I don’t want to feel normal. I mean, I want normal, I like the idea of that, with you. But I don’t want to feel normal. I like how you make me feel. Well, maybe less panicky...but still like this.”

Eve laughed and ran her fingers through Oksana’s hair. “Yes. Less panicky would be good.” 

“I really do like you, Eve. I’m sorry if I made you feel like...like I didn’t care about anything. I’m bad at this. I will do better.”

“We’ll work on it. We’ll communicate, both of us.”

She felt Oksana smile against her neck. “Yes, I think that is a good idea.”

“Okay, well communicate to me what you would like to happen now.”

“Ah, food? More sex. Cuddling. A shower. A nap. Watch a movie.”

“Only some of those things can happen at the same time. You’re going to have to narrow down that list.”

“Wow, you make my life very difficult, Eve.” 


	17. Case Study

“When is the last time you went home?”

Oksana was sprawled on the bed, thumbing through a book. She rolled over onto her back to look at Eve.

“Uh...two weeks ago?”

“How do you still have clean clothes?”

“It is okay. I went shopping last week. I also got things for you, they are in the closet, did you not see them? Also, I was wearing your underwear, but I got new ones because yours are not real silk. Now, of course, should not always wear silk panties, it is not healthy for you, cotton is better. But I do like to wear silk a couple times a week. Oh, I almost forgot! I got us matching sets, red with black lace and black with red lace, we will take pictures together!”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Oksana.” 

“Sorry. Are you tired of me? I can go home.”

“No! No, not at all. You’re just ridiculous.” 

“Why? Do you not like red? They had blue too, I thought about that...you know what, you are right. Blue would be better. You look very nice in blue. I shall go back.” 

Eve laughed at sat down next to her on the bed, pulling her legs over her lap and drumming a beat on them with her hands. 

“You don’t need to go back, it’s fine. You also don’t need to buy things for me. In fact you should stop, it’s over the top.”

“I like buying things for you. It is one of the ways I can show I care. That is what girlfriends do, yes? Give gifts.”

Eve felt herself blushing and an involuntary grin spreading across her face. “Yes. I suppose that is what girlfriends do. Among other things.”

“And we are girlfriends now, yes?”

Eve squeezed Okana’s leg. “Yes.”

Oksana smiled, seeming satisfied. “Good. Then I will buy young things. Among other things.” She winked at Eve and Eve rolled her eyes. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Eve fiddled with the fabric of Oksana’s pants. “So you know Dr. Martens was starting to push for some of the newer hires to think about papers we might like to write? In pursuit of tenure and that sort of thing.”

“Yes?”

“I had an idea for something.”

“Okay, that is good.”

“I kind of need your help, though.”

“You want to co-write it?”

“Not exactly,” Eve paused. She’d been thinking about it off and on for a while, but broaching the subject felt like walking out onto really shaky ground. “Based on some of the work I did at MI6...and some of the things you’d told me...I was thinking about a paper on functional psychopathy.”

“Okay.”

“A case study.”

“Okay.”

“I was hoping I might use you as a subject.” Oksana was silent. “Anonymously, of course,” Eve added, hurriedly.

“Obviously,” Oksana said flatly. 

“You can absolutely say no, I can see why you wouldn’t want to, especially maybe wouldn’t want me too-”

“No, it's fine. You can do it.” 

“Wait, really?”

Oksana shrugged. “Sure. Whatever.” 

“You’re really okay with it?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re okay with me doing it?”

“I would rather you do it than some idiot stranger.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

“Can I...see your boarding school file?”

Oksana sighed, sitting up and narrowing her eyes.

“I will have to think about that, okay?”

“Yes, of course.”

She got up and headed out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.

“Do you want spaghetti? I am making spaghetti now.” 

——--

About a week later they had ended up at Oksana’s place so Oksana could be comfortably surrounded by her own selection of clothing. Oksana had gotten up a while ago, but Eve was still lounging in bed when Oksana came back into the room.

“Eve?” 

Eve pulled the pillow off of her head that she had been using to try and block out the light. “Yes?” 

“Promise you won’t hate me?”

“What?” Eve sat up to look at her and saw she was carrying a fairly thick folder full of paper. 

“If I let you read the boarding school file. Promise you won’t hate me.”

Oksana looked genuinely worried, nervousness lining her features. 

Eve swung her legs out of bed and came over to her, resting a hand on one of the arms that clutched the papers tight to her chest. 

“Of course not. All that’s in the past.” 

Oksana studied her for a while before finally nodding and handing over the papers. 

“Okay. It’s all there.” 

——--

Eve returned to her own place to go through the file. She figured that might be more respectful. She pulled up the DSM-5 criteria for Conduct Disorder, the childhood precursor to antisocial personality disorder, so that she could have them open as she went through the file. She scrolled through the list and paused on the first set of criteria.  _ Aggression to people and animals.  _

_ Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others. Often initiates physical fights.  _ There were numerous fights listed in Oksana's file, most of the physical ones seemed to have been from Oksana’s younger years, like the one she’d told Eve about. The later ones in her adolescent years seemed more about manipulation, students who appeared in the headmaster's office sobbing about Oksana blackmailing them over something or other. There were only a couple of those, but Eve suspected those were only a few of the many that had gone unreported. 

_ Has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others. _ There was no mention of her actually using a weapon during any of her fights, though there was a brief note about the confiscation of a set of knives from her dormitory room shortly after she had arrived at Gorchakov. Eve wasn’t surprised. She knew how Oksana felt about knives.

_ Has been physically cruel to people. Has been physically cruel to animals.  _ There were no notes about it in Oksana’s file, so they must not have had any knowledge of it, but Eve remembered Oksana talking about her passion for killing cats. And dissecting them. And having a preference for black ones. Eve made a note in the document she was keeping.

_ Has stolen while confronting a victim. _ There were no notes about that either and when Oksana had mentioned her history of theft she hadn’t indicated that it was violent, so Eve couldn’t be sure. But from the way Oksana had talked about it and her general knowledge of Oksana, she suspected that part of Oksana’s thrill had come from getting away with it without being caught. She’d had other opportunities to be violent. 

_ Has forced someone into sexual activity.  _ That one was a no. Eve knew it was a no immediately and she didn’t even need to check the file to be sure. Oksana may have had issues, but she still had some boundaries and that was one that she had always made extremely clear with Eve. That was one line Eve felt certain she had never crossed. 

She moved to the next section.  _ Destruction of property. _

_ Has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage.  _ Well, she knew the answer to that. 

_ Has deliberately destroyed others’ property (other than by fire setting) _ . Eve had already seen mention of that in the file, which wasn’t too surprising. If Oksana was off setting fires, she was certain not to have qualms about destroying other things. In the notes about her blackmailing students it had said, among other things, that she’d been accused of shredding the class notes of a particularly diligent student right before an important exam.  That sounded like her.

The section on “deceitfulness or theft” was next. Eve didn’t even need to go through that section. “Serious violations of rules” was next. That was the big one. 

_ Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years. Has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period). Is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years.  _ Eve had no idea about those and her boarding school file didn’t mention anything, but most of those records were about her time at boarding school not her prior years living with her parents. And Oksana hadn’t really shared much about her family life with Eve, either. There were some mentions of Oksana disappearing in the afternoon hours once she was at boarding school, but Eve suspected that may have been Anna’s fault and wasn’t necessarily an indication of her behavior in her younger years.

On the other hand, Eve got a feeling that even prior to Anna, Oksana’s life hadn’t been the happiest. The way she’d talked about her parents’ death was so...flat. And, of course, there could be a million reasons for that, not least of which was her likely personality disorder. But Eve had to also suspect that her relationship with them had also been far from perfect. And if that was the case, Eve couldn’t really imagine the Oksana she knew wanting to hang around home all that much. 

And then, of course, the final, important criteria for any condition.  _ The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning. _

Yes. Oksana’s childhood had clearly been...a turmoil. And Eve could - did - blame Anna, with fierce and resounding anger. She probably could blame Oksana’s parents as well. But ultimately, she knew that a not insignificant amount of that disruption came down to the complex, somewhat indecipherable, whirlwind of Oksana's mind.  

Based on all that, young Oksana certainly met Conduct Disorder criteria. Which didn’t surprise Eve in any way and Oksana had told her as much. There were additional specifiers in the footnotes of the diagnostic criteria, the kinds of things that pushed a Conduct Disorder diagnosis in the direction of indicating future antisocial personality disorder, instead of just a slew of childhood problems. With some apprehension and some...excitement...Eve went through them as well. 

_ Lack of remorse or guilt.  _ Oksana had never explicitly stated that she didn’t feel guilty for her childhood actions, but just as when she described her parents’ death, she’d seemed entirely apathetic in her discussions of stealing, hitting and manipulating other children, and the burning down of the house. She had been incredible quick to defend the arson, to make it clear that no one had been hurt. But it was impossible to tell if that had been because she felt guilty at the thought of actually hurting someone or if she was simply concerned with what Eve would have thought of her if she had. Eve suspected it was the latter.

_ Callous—lack of empathy. _ That...was a good one. Oksana had mentioned it once, called Eve out that time they’d discussed it, said that Eve must have certainly questioned her empathy at one time or another. And if she was being honest with herself, she had. Never as a characteristic that was necessarily pervasive, but Oksana would occasionally tell stories where her complete inability to understand the perspective of the other person was almost laughable. It never really came across as a bad thing, a touch strange, perhaps, but mostly innocent. 

But, yes, Eve had to admit, it could be considered a lack of empathy. And if that’s how Oksana was now, it was likely that’s how she’d always been.

_ Unconcerned about performance. _ It was hard to say from Oksana’s records. They showed very high marks in language classes, of which Oksana had taken many. That was no surprise, Eve knew of Oksana’s love for and mastery of language. But the marks in other classes were more scattered and other than the listings of misbehavior, the records made little note of how Oksana presented herself outside of class. Even if she thought about the Oksana she knew, Eve didn’t really know if she could put her in that category. Oksana acted flippant and casual, as if she didn’t have a care in the world, but ultimately Eve knew she did care. And it showed, because she was a great success. She’d done fantastically at DLA Twelve and made it to Oxford, after all, and was certainly no failure once she’d gotten there. 

And the final one.  _ Shallow or deficient affect.  _ She was more than familiar with that criterion but she read through the details anyway.  _ Does not express feelings or show emotions to others, except in ways that seem shallow, insincere, or superficial (e.g., actions contradict the emotion displayed; can turn emotions “on” or “off” quickly) or when emotional expressions are used for gain (e.g., emotions displayed to manipulate or intimidate others). _

She sat back and rubbed at her wrist. A few weeks ago, she might have said "yes" more easily. With the exception of the little breakdown Eve had seen her have over Anna, she’d rarely seen Oksana have any strong displays of emotion. She’d seemed happy, certainly, but that really wasn’t all that deep. Despite the fact that she’d claimed she’d felt uncomfortable and conflicted over the past while, it wasn’t something Eve had ever seen any outward signs of. 

But that didn’t necessarily mean she hadn’t been. Eve herself had been confused and conflicted as well and hadn’t really been expressing any of that either. Or really acknowledging any of it to herself. So who was she to judge? And Oksana had been expressive since then, remarkably so. Assuming it wasn’t all an act. And maybe that wasn’t an assumption Eve should be making. Oksana herself said she liked to manipulate people. But it seemed genuine. It really did. And Oksana had said she didn’t manipulate Eve, that she wanted it to be real.

And Eve believed her. She did. 

So that one wasn’t true, or at least it wasn’t in the present times. Eve couldn’t make any determinations about young Oksana, but the relationship with Anna certainly raised some questions. It was hard for her to say, though, without having been there, what the true scope of Oksana’s emotions in that relationship had been. But judging by the extent to which the relationship continued to affect her, there had to be at least some emotions involved. 

So Eve couldn’t bring herself to claim that Oksana was shallow and emotionless or that she ever was. And maybe that conclusion was her own wishful thinking, the desire to believe that Oksana could genuinely feel things for her and have a real honest relationship with her. But it seemed true. It really did.

Really, she needed to have a conversation with her. There were a lot of questions she wanted to ask and had wanted to ask for a long time. And she would need to ask them if was truly going to write the paper. It would probably be hard conversation for Oksana, certainly, but she had agreed and, presumably, she had some expectation that she’d have to open a bit as part of the process. 

It would probably be good for them. Hopefully. 

Or it could drive a wedge between them. Hopefully not. 

Eve sincerely hoped she wasn’t heading down a very dangerous road, but truly she just wanted to understand Oksana better. She couldn’t really see finding out anything that would change how she felt. Not at that point. It was more a question of discovering if Oksana could really be what she hoped her to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I just vomited a bunch of psychology and character analysis on you. A number of you said you were into that so hopefully that's fine. Someday I am going to submit an actual psychology paper to a professor that is about these two, just saying.
> 
> Also! This series is officially over 50,000 I have no idea how that happened but thank you all who have stuck around with me through it and supported and commented along the way I love you guys <3


	18. Interview

Eve let the topic of the case study rest for a week or so. She figured she shouldn’t risk pushing Oksana too far. But, ultimately, it was a conversation she wanted to have, even aside from the paper. So one Friday, when she and Oksana had settled down to a comfortable lunch, she brought it up again.

“Okana?”

“Yes?"

“Would you be okay if I asked you some questions? For the paper? You don’t have to.”

Oksana cocked her head to the side, blew air into her cheeks and then gradually let it out. She stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork, popped it into her mouth and chewed on it slowly, a contemplative but relatively calm expression on her face. When she was done with it, she carefully set her fork on the plate and clasped her hands under her chin.

“Okay.”

“Alright. Thank you.” 

Eve pushed aside her own plate and set the notebook and file folder she’d been working with on the table. Oksana made a face.

“Are you taking notes?”

“I was going to. Do you not want me to?”

Oksana's face scrunched up further. “I prefer to think you are not studying me like a fly.”

Eve closed the notebook and pushed it to the side before leaning in and placing one of her hands over Oksana’s. 

“I’m not. I mean, I’m not thinking of it like that. Partly I think it’d be interesting to write about, yeah, but also I want to understand you better. But like I said, if you’re uncomfortable…”

“No, it is fine.”

“Okay. But I'll ditch the notes.”

“What did you want to ask?”

“You told me about the things you did as a kid, stealing, getting in fights, setting that fire. What did you...feel about it? Did you feel guilty?”

Oksana gazed off over Eve’s shoulder. 

“No.”

“What did you feel?”

She shrugged. “Nothing much. Satisfaction, sometimes, I guess. If something was really hard to steal and I got away with it, I think I felt satisfied. When I dissected the cats I felt...interested, I suppose. It was entertaining, not funny entertaining, but it kept my mind active. The fire was fun. It made me feel alive.”

Eve’s thoughts flickered back to the flames dancing between the trees in the Russian forest. 

“Were you angry about something?”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Your parents?”

Something hardened in Oksana’s face.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly a fan of them.”

There was clearly a lot more buried there, but Eve could tell from Oksana’s expression that she didn’t really want to elaborate and Eve had slightly more important avenues to pursue.

“What about now?”

“What do you mean?”

Eve gestured with her hand. “These days. Since then, since you said you tried to change your mindset, the way you act. Do you feel guilty now?”

Oksana pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at the table. It took her a little while to answer.

“I told you, I didn’t change my mindset. I just tried to act better.”

“So you don’t feel guilty?”

“No. I don’t know. I didn’t.”

She looked uncomfortable and Eve was starting to question how long the conversation would actually last. 

“That changed?”

Oksana sighed and fiddled with her fork. “I don’t really know. You know how I said I felt weird that morning you came over with those girls there?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know. I think I felt...maybe guilty. Maybe something.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” She chewed on her lip and then finally looked at Eve, studying her for a while before continuing. “I think I kind of wished I hadn’t done it. Or maybe that you hadn’t seen them. But not exactly, because I felt weird even before you got there, but worse when you were there. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want you there, I wanted you there, it was them that I wanted gone.” She paused again, but still seemed to be mulling something over, so Eve let her come up with her next thought without interruption. “What does guilty feel like, Eve?”

“I...I guess it’s like...you feel bad that you let someone down. You feel bad about something you’ve done, you think you’ve done wrong and you want to fix it.”

“Did I let you down, Eve?”

“You didn’t break any rules.”

“Yes. But did I let you down?”

“I...might have been disappointed. Not that I would have admitted, to you or myself.” Oksana glanced away from her, but before she did Eve thought she saw the beginnings of tears in her eyes. She leaned forward and took Oksana’s hands in hers. “But you fixed it.”

Oksana sucked in a breath and eventually she nodded. Eve watched Oksana refuse to look at her for a while before she finally said, keeping her voice as soft and gentle as she could, “That’s guilt, Oksana.”

She closed her eyes and nodded once more. “Then, I guess my answer is yes. But that is a new one, I think.” She contemplated for a moment and then finally met Eve’s gaze and Eve could clearly see the tears she had been blinking back. “There are a lot of new ones. I feel things when I’m with you.”

Eve smiled and pulled one of Oksana’s hands up to kiss the back of it. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Oksana raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know. I am finding it to be somewhat stressful.” 

Eve rubbed a thumb over the back of Oksana’s hand and Oksana took a moment to collect herself before giving a somewhat force laugh. She pulled her hands back to wipe at her eyes and then stood up and collected her plate.

“Could we continue this later, Eve? I think I would like to be done, now.”

“Yes, of course.”

——-

Later that evening, Eve was lounging on the bed going through some of her lecture notes when Oksana came into the room behind her.

“Okay, I am ready to talk more.”

Eve sat up to face her.

“Talk about what?”

“About your paper. I am better, I got chocolate.” She offered a box of truffles to Eve. Eve grinned and took one of the offerings.

“Okay. You’re sure?”

“Yes, chocolate makes everything better. I also had a glass of wine, so that is good.”

“Okay…are you ready to talk empathy?”

“Hmm. That is an interesting one.”

“Yes. What do you have to say about it?” 

“I think I may be bad at it. I think you may suspect that.”

Eve considered her answer. “I...have felt that way occasionally, in certain situations. But not all the time.”

“I think I may be good at faking it.”

“Do you care about me?”

Oksana made a face. “Of course. That is not the same thing.”

“They’re related.” Oksana studied a half-eaten chocolate. Eve grabbed her computer and pulled it onto her lap. “Can I show you a picture?”

“Okay.”

She pulled up an old file with some assessment documents from her previous MI6 work and showed Oksana one of the images of a hanging man.

“What do you see in this picture?”

Oksana took her time to study it carefully.

“Good legs,” she said finally.

Eve held back a laugh.

“Seriously?”

The look Oksana gave her answered the question before she actually did. “Yes. I assume that is a bad answer.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“It is not what you expected me to say.”

“Well, yeah, I definitely didn’t predict ‘good legs’ to be your answer. But it is...within the general realm of what I expected for your response.”

“Okay."

"Up for a second one?”

“Sure.”

Eve clicked over to the next picture, one of a hanging dog.

Oksana stared at it.

“Should I be more or less sad because it is not a human?”

“I...don’t know. Less, I suppose. But some people are really attached to animals, so either I guess. But it’s fine, you don’t have to be.”

“Which are you?”

“What?”

“Are you more or less sad about the dead dog than the dead human?”

“Oh,” Eve glanced over the two photos, a slightly unsettled feeling coming over her at the question. “I don’t really know...I guess the same.”

“You don’t look sad.”

“I…” Eve shifted in her chair. “I’ve seen these photos before, used them a lot in my previous work. I’m more focused on you anyway.”

Oksana stared at her as if something about Eve’s words weren't quite tracking for her. Then she shrugged.

“Okay.”

Eve shut the computer and pushed it away.

“Anyway, it’s not that important.” Eve lay back on the bed and patted the space beside her. “Lay down with me?" Oksana did so. They were both quiet for a while before Eve broached her next question. " You said you feel things when you’re with me.” She heard Oksana’s breath catch slightly. “What else do you feel?”

“I...feel happy.”

Eve smiled. “Yes. I’m glad.” Oksana’s fingertips brushed against hers. 

“I...I’ve felt jealous.”

“When?”

“When we first talked, in your office. And you told me about the student. But you knew that.” 

That made Eve laugh a little. “Yes, you made that fairly clear. There’s still a slight bruise on my neck, which is fairly impressive. But I didn’t even do anything. You knew that.”

“Yes. Still.”

“I know. I felt the same way.”

“Even though you claimed not to.”

“Yes.” 

Oksana’s pinkie finger hooked around Eve’s and she was quiet for a while.

“Also New Year’s.”

That surprised Eve. “What?”

“You kissed Elena. And Hugo. And the others.”

“Yeah. I didn’t think you’d even noticed.”

“I noticed. I felt...I have no idea. At least I didn't at the time. Thinking back...yes, I think I was jealous, perhaps.” 

Eve closed her eyes and sighed. “You know I only did that because you ditched me for the others.”

“I told you I would have gone home with you if you had asked.”

“You should have asked me.”

“I never thought you would have said yes. I do not like rejection, Eve. It would have been especially disappointing from you.”

“That’s a feeling,” Eve said quietly. 

“Hmm?” Oksana sounded distant.

“Disappointment. That’s another feeling.” 

Oksana seemed to think about that. 

“I think that is new as well.”

“So you’ve felt that?”

“Perhaps. Describe it to me. Is it like jealousy?”

“No...I don’t know. I don’t think so. It’s like...when you wanted something and didn’t get it.”

“I think I would feel irritated if I did not get what I wanted.” For a moment, Oksana sounded a bit like a petulant child, but then her voice drifted off into thought and when she spoke again it was softer. “I think irritated is not all I felt, though. Something else on New Year’s.” 

“Yeah,” Eve agreed, “something else.” 

They lay there for a while longer and after some time Oksana rolled over and wrapped an arm around Eve’s waist and pressed her face into her shoulder. 

“I would like to sleep now and I would like you to do your own research for a while. Or take a break from this. I am tired of talking.” She lifted her face to look at Eve with a stern look. It wasn’t angry, in fact it was kind of playful, but still serious enough to make it clear that she meant what she was saying. “Do not ask me how I feel right now.”

Eve laughed and tucked Oksana’s hair behind her ear. 

“Okay, we’re done.” 

“And you owe me rewards for this.”

Eve grinned and moved her hand to the back of Oksana’s neck to pull her in for a kiss.

“I’m sure I can figure something out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is delayed! It's kind of a packed school week so I can't make any promises about the timing for the next chapter either but I'll try to get back on track after this weekend.


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